[Chairman] “Welcome to the Generic Congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses. We have an excellent Watchtower study this morning. If we pay attention, we’ll see that we have some New Light on the exact dimensions of a cubit. Before that, however, we’ll enjoy a public discourse. We are privileged this morning to have a visiting speaker with us—-Brother Hmmm, from the Justanother Congregation. Brother Hmmm’s theme is ‘Christ’s parousia, how seen?’ with the subtitle of… uh… Watch Dateline?”
[Brother Hmmm nods to the Chairman]
“Uh, his theme is “Christ’s parousia, how seen: Watch Dateline.” Brother Hmmm.”
[The Chairman sits down, trying to burn the image of Sister Hot, who is sitting in the second row wearing a very low-cut dress, into his retinas]
“Before his ascension to heaven, Jesus Christ told his followers that he would return to them. This return, from the Greek parousia would not be in a physical sense, but instead refers to his “invisible presence,” and began in 1914.
Well, I sure hope this invisible presence was discerned by two people at the same time, otherwise it is invalid. This is in harmony with the principle that a matter is established at the mouths of two witnesses, which has apparently become a Universal principle, applicable to all times and circumstances.
Why do we say this? Well, it must apply to Christ’s return, if it applies to a situation like child molestation. That’s right, friends, unless you or your child has ever been the victim of a depraved brother or sister who gets his jollies abusing young girls and boys, you probably aren’t aware of this dirty little secret.
If a young child approaches the elders, claiming that she was abused by a Witness, the elders will first contact the Society’s legal department to see if they have to report the matter to the police. In states where these untrained men are not compelled to notify law enforcement, they will meet with the accused. If the molester denies the accusations, and there were not two witnesses to the same act the matter will be dropped. The word of the victim is not enough to even warrant a real investigation, and since authorities aren’t brought into the matter, there will likely be no “admissible” physical evidence.
So let’s take this to its horrible conclusion. A brother, who may even hold a position of respect and authority in this congregation, could molest your little girl one day, molest another little girl the next day, and if they both went to the elders it wouldn’t be good enough, unless he was foolish enough to let them witness each other’s abuse. To add insult to injury, you and your child will be told not to breathe a word of this to anyone else, on pain of disfellowshipping for slander!
It seems that “Jehovah’s Clean Organization” puts more value in its reputation than in the physical and emotional health of its children.
[Brother Hmmm walks off the stage and out of the building. The only sound is the startled clapping of one couple, their six-year-old daughter sitting between them.]
[Chairman: Great, what am I going to do for the next 39 minutes, before the Watchtower study starts?]
Hmmm
[Author's note. I wrote this in a semi-humerous and irreverant vein, but I understand that this is a very touchy subject. If anyone finds this post offensive, please email me and I'll edit or remove it.]