by 4mylove 21 Replies latest jw experiences
Things I would lose:
1. My husband hanging out with my family. Luckily they love him unconditionally, which is more than I can say for his.
2. My trust in him, God only knows the shit ideas they would re-implant in his head.
3. My bless you after sneezes
4. My late mornings with him in bed when we're off together
5. Holidays with my entire family including him
6. The fact that I don't want to raise children in a cult
7. My husband
8. My friend
So it's not the phone call alone that gave you that feeling, it's that your husband went to the Hall and then it seemed that they tried to reel him in.
Oh, dear don't give them that much power over you. You've already given them enough.
That's a good answer. To achieve it, try just telling your husband how this made you feel.
I'm sorry, I understand the loss. My jw joined up a number of years back and it was sheer hell. No one on either side knows any jw's so it was quite a shock to all the families. Mine does go to holidays and hangs out with my family but then again if he didn't his life would change quite profoundly and not in a good way! People cannot understand the losses within a marriage when a spouse becomes a jw. The trust, friendship, secret language of lovers, sweet stolen moments are gone or rare, time just plain time with them, their authentic self goes into hiding and becomes an unexpected pleasure when it surfaces (sad, shouldn't one be able to be ones authentic self all the time or at least with the love of your life?), knowing full well you are now #2 in their life as all things jw reign first, I could go on but it will just depress me, you know pretty well the changes that will come. It can get better and you two can enjoy time with each other again. If you are going through hell keep going, you gotta come out the other side eventually.
As for children? absolutely not, no way in hell, over my dead body would my kids ever step foot in a kh. Hang tough on that one. You can see the psychological damage the borg does to children everyday by reading what the ex jw adults have difficulty with on a daily basis now on the boards. (not to mention the medical & physical safety worries)
I can't pretend I know what your going through, but on a human level, I feel really bad for you. But don't lose hope! 8)
I figure this, you live with a person who went to the memorial and see him everyday and that doesn't bother you. These people can't come into your house uninvited and don't have a key. Just don't take any calls, let them go to voicemail and warn your husband? not to let them in when you are home (or else!).
Hey, even the police can't get into your house without a warrant. You can find some convenient excuse not to let JWs in, I'm sure. Answer the door with a towel on your head and say you're washing your hair. Whatever. I used to beg off in all sorts of ways when they were still coming around, and finally, they got tired of it and gave up.
They do give up eventually, they've got bigger fish to fry. Just be calm and evasive when they show up, give them nothing much to react to, it's been working for me for nearly a decade as I've faded away.
Part of the problem is that any time we do try to discuss it, there's a person on the other end of the conversation that I don't know. It's not my husband. He had been inactive for some time when I met him. I have a dear friend struggling with this cult also, she's been inactive for 2 years. But I think they do both still consider it the truth. I hate even typing those words.
I couldn't believe it when a dear friend who is just out of the closet, in his 40's, explained that he didn't like what the organization had done to him, yet turned around and said the their bible is so well translated it is used by scholars across many "lands". What the...."lands", really? You're gay and definately not accepted, but their brainwashing is still evident.
Thanks to those that understand. I don't want what I have to change.
4
Carla,
Thanks so much for your words. They are comforting in the fact that I'm not the 1st or the last to have to deal with it. Hopefully, one day they will truly be exposed.
@ Confuzzled. Thanks so much.
@
Not only do not lose hope, dear. Fight back, in any way you can. It's not just your happiness that would be gone, but his, also. You have a high moral reason to keep him out of that hell.
Agreed with dgp, BUT to clarify "fight back" , this is psychological warfare, not arguing about doctrine. Don't get into fights; they're not productive. And don't say the C-word to his face because he's programmed to thought-stop at that term.
