Hello everyone,
It has occurred to me that I’ve been here long enough and have met many of you whose company I really appreciate. I see people come in since I have been here and am inspired and impressed at the courage they have for giving their stories, their experiences and the freedoms they now have paid for by a cost that only a cult survivor can really appreciate.
So with that inspiration, here is my story…
I have very little memory of before I was 5. I do remember christmas morning one year to wake up to a ton of toys and that was cool. I remember having my stomach pumped once because I got into some kerosene and thought I’d pour myself a glass. I remember not knowing how to brake when I first learned how to ride a bike other than slamming into the door in the garage at our house in Florida. Small rememberances of things here and there but my 5th birthday, Feb.24, 1968 was a memory that unknown to me would change my entire life.
My dad was never a JW. He had started to work for a small company as a service manager which turned out to be a huge corporation. But at this time I think he was pretty new to the job.. My mother had started studying with the witnesses a few months beforehand, but I at the time had no idea of anything in regards to religion and I don’t think I had even attended any church before. Anyway, mom was sitting in the living room, I was sitting as well and dad was standing by the front door. I could tell he was pissed but wasn’t sure why.
My dad then went on to tell me that it was my birthday. His tone was real sad but I was happy. I mean, hey you know what birthdays mean right? Then he said, “well Sharon, why don’t you explain why there wont be any parties, or any presents, or any friends over?”
I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.
Fast forward:..Sept 16, 1974. Without going into a lot of detail, I was in a pretty bad accident. I was 11 and being a kid I was where I shouldn’t have been and got run over by a car. The reason I bring this up is that even though somehow I had no broken bones, I do remember that the doctors were very concerned about an internal bleeding problem. This is more than likely the event that my dad left mom over. She was pretty hell bent on the no blood issue, and since I had bought into everything at the kingdumb hall myself, I was yelling out “no blood” myself. From that accident I do believe that God saved me not because of my faith, but in spite of it. But like I said, for my parents this was really the beginning of the end for them.
Their divorce became final on Jan 14, 1976 after exactly 14 and a half years of marriage and after 8 years of my dad putting up with no celebrating anything, and always coming in second to mom’s loyalty to the organization. If you ever met the man, you wouldn’t believe he put up with it for that long.
Mom got custody of me and my younger brother of course, so now it was meetings and field service at every possible moment. Oh joy. But as I started getting a little older, I was really getting the brainwashing and bought into all of it. I was in the ‘in circle’ I always knew that I was destined to be a ms or elder one day, meet a great woman, have great kids, and live happily ever after in the new system having the approval of Jehovah, and of course the watchtower.
Fast forward: Mom got remarried to a ms on August 6, 1978. She was free by wt standards to remarry and I was happy for her, at least until they actually got married. After his new responsibility came into effect, this jerk-off beat the living shit out of me anytime I acted in a way in which he thought was not christian. Isn’t that a joke. Specifically once, I endured one Saturday morning in which I showed up for field service with my lip busted wide open as he had smacked the shit out of me on the way for whatever, I cant even remember. Probably just didn’t want to go that day.
Sometime in the next few years, I was baptized, as this was the thing to do among the friends my own age. I was 15 or 16 I really cant remember. (you may notice that my memory in regards to dates up until this point has been specific, I can remember them well, but my baptism date, I cant remember at all)
My mother’s 2nd husband, died of thyroid cancer after 5 years of marriage. He died not loving my mother and everyone knew it. Without that, she would still be in that marriage. I feel ashamed to admit that I’m glad it happened.
I stopped going to meetings when I was about 20. I was having a pretty good time hanging out with friends and the world didn’t seem like such a bad place after all. Soon after that I moved from Florida where I was living to Texas where my dad lived. Mom had already moved after the death of her husband here to get a job with a friend of hers, so leaving Florida seemed to be the thing to do.
Even though I had stopped going to meetings, I never quit believing that I had grown up with ‘the truth’. With my desire to be the person I was, I just figured that I was not good enough for the witnesses and was not good for God himself. I lived with this for a real long time. Anyway, on July 10, 1985 I started active duty for the US Air Force. I spent 4 yrs active duty and 4 yrs in the active reserves. I wouldn’t give that experience up for anything. Keep in mind I still believed JWs had the real truth. But oh well, I would just die anyway no matter what I did so why worry about it.
One of my best friends in Florida was the unbaptised son of an elder in my last congregation. We kept in touch after my move to Texas, and soon after I joined the military, he called me to tell me they had announced me as disfellowshipped at the service meeting. Now I had quit going to meetings, quit associating with any JWs other than my friend, moved to another state, but you know how word gets around. Yes I know it should have been ‘disassociated’, but this isn’t the first of their own ruless they have broken. I did call to confirm it.
Four months ago, I got a link to this site. I think it was about the time when the UN issue was at full blast. I read and read and read some more. Then I got into chat and met some people (in the best way you can over the internet) and have enjoyed every minute of it. It has opened my mind to alternative ways of looking at life and has helped me to get over questions I have always had in regards to interpretation of scripture, wt policies and the real intent of God as I understand Him.
Sorry this is so long, I’ve still kept out a lot. I’m looking forward to hanging around here a little while longer.
Kenny