First Time that I Didn't Go to the Memorial - Now Depressed

by daniel-p 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • ziddina
    ziddina

    Oh, Daniel-P you're reading the "Tao"??? I really enjoyed that!! Much better than the "I Ching" - which seemed to largely be a method of divining using 'bones' or sticks - with a military application...

    Good for Baba Yaga for recommending that to you...

    The Tao, though - I saw traces of earlier "Goddess"-worship in some of its verses....

    When you're thru with that, you ought to read the "Code of Hammurabi"... Pay especial attention to their 'rights for women' - women could own businesses under HIS rule - as opposed to the 'good lil' wifey' of Proverbs, who was nothing more than a slave to her husband - had NO rights to her own earnings!!!

    So much for that 'biblical' improvement of womens' lot in life....

    "Code of Hammurabi" was harsh on incest-offenders, though... Especially mother-and-son offenders... Just to let you know ahead of time...

  • peaches
    peaches

    i totally understand where you are coming from.....things will get better,,,,but sadly,,,,sometimes things just take time...

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    i was sad the day before knowing this was going to be my 1st no show but after i felt relief... but... i don't have a spouce IN so i can imagine only imagine how hard that would be.... i don't know what will fix it but i do think time will help and talk to your wife!!!

  • flipper
    flipper

    DANIEL-P - Sorry you are going through this my friend- it sucks. I experienced the dissapproving comments of my former JW wife back in 1989 ( married 19 years till 1998 ) as I had to work out of town in the Bay area during Memorial. My JW ex-wife had bi-polar disorder and got so pissed off that I wouldn't be with her and my 3 small kids as a family at the Memorial - that she started slamming her fists into a glass mirror in our dining room shattering glass all over the floor. She almost went and attacked ANOTHER glass mirror but I stopped her . To her- APPEARANCE was what the important thing was- how did we APPEAR as a JW family to others at the kingdom hall - not how we REALLY were getting along at home. To many JW's it's ALL about appearance.

    I'm not saying that's whats happening with your wife- however a believing JW mate can bash us over the head with needless guilt so much - it can really, really hurt - especially when it's someone close who you feel should respect your views and have your back. No words of advice outside of hey- just take her out to dinner and spend some good husband/wife authentic non-JW fun time with her , in time hopefully she'll dwell more on that than on thinking that you let her down. Just my 2 cents. Hang in there dude

  • no more kool aid
    no more kool aid

    Sorry you feel bad Daniel. My husband also went, he is pressured by family and he feels that attendance keeps them off our backs, maybe he is right. I could never figure people out that only went to the memorial. I can't bring myself to go, even for him. Sometimes I too miss the community, all the "friends". Remind yourself they would all stab you in the back if they knew your true thoughts. We have the same mixed emotions about spirituality and religion, I don't know and surely don't know how to lead my kids in that area. Let us know if you figure it all out, for what it's worth, you are not alone. NMKA

  • 5thGeneration
    5thGeneration

    Sorry for your troubles DP.

    Keep the faith.

    This is why I advise people just to go already. I went last night to keep family and a lifetime of friends appeased. I will probable always go.

    Hope everything smooths out for you.

  • Judge Dread
    Judge Dread

    daniel,

    Now, you and I have not always got along here, but look, to go to the Memorial once a year is not too much to ask so your marriage stays on a good footing.

    I have done things that I don't like doing to please my wife, and she has done the same for me, inside and outside of the Org.

    At least you are not in the dark about this religion.

    Judge Dread

  • Lady Liberty
    Lady Liberty

    Dear DanielP,

    I know it feels weird the first time you miss a Memorial. I felt the same. Infact for the first couple of years we would have our own little Memorial at home. I would make some bread, and I would buy some Kosher wine, I would get fresh flowers and we would read the scriptures, say the prayers and pass the wine. That too felt weird. But at least we felt good about observing it. Now...i go to a local church from time to time and they observe it every Sunday. So we are still observing Christs death, just in a different place. Remember, it doesn't matter where, or how often, but that we do it.

    Maybe you could read the passages...that along with a private prayer will probably make you feel tons better. I know that I felt a void when we left the organization. I knew what we were doing was right, but I was raised in the organization, and at 40 years old, my world turns upside down, and am no longer going. Fom going to 5 meetings a week to nothing is quite a shocker. I tell you though..when I finally decided to go to a "church", at the encouragement of my sister, I discovered, that it filled that void. To be again with others who have faith, love God, and are their because their hearts were moving them to be there to be encouraged was a old familiar feeling....however it was so much better, because I was not being judged, I wasn't expected to perform, or to meet their standards.

    A couple of Sundays ago infact, I decided to make it my aim to attend once a week on Sundays. I feel so much better, am encouraged WAY more then I had ever been at the hall, and almost always have a tear in my eye at the end of the serman. I do not feel you have to have a religion to have God's favor, but some need the association and encouragement, and I am one of them I guess. I would say that if your not in a position to go to a church, then maybe watching a tv serman like Joel Olstein on Sunday may give you some encouragement...

    Anyhow...hang in there...

    Sincerely,

    Lady Liberty

  • Rabbit
    Rabbit

    daniel,

    I guess it's one of those rites-of-passage that we must go thru on our exit from the WT's bondage. Like Lady Liberty, my 1st skipped Memorial was bothering me -- I got the wine and unleavened crackers and partook at home. My new sweet wife went along and participated with the whole ceremony...she knew how important it was to me -- and went along out of love for me.

    I felt a little silly while I was "taking care" of my spiritual responsibilities, but, I finished it. But, since then, the whole thing just felt even more hollow as time went by. Now, I have never felt any need to attend, celebrate, nor have even a twinge of guilt or concern.

    That's what has worked for me, but, luckily, we're all uniquely -- different.

  • aSphereisnotaCircle
    aSphereisnotaCircle

    I remember the first memorial that I missed.

    It was a very strange evening, very mixed emotions. This was somthing that had meant a great deal to me in the past. Now it meant nothing, there is a feeling of loss, even if it is all a lie.

    That first year was the only time it bothered me though, by the next year i didn't even know, or care wich night it was on.

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