27 years after I crawled out of the tower.
I know that I really dont know what is going on.
I must say I never conciously chose to be a JW I was raised in it and went with
the flow and from the time I was a teenager I was trying to get out of the trap.
1976 was the key to my freedom, it took until 1983 to figure out how to use it.
I have made somewhat of a study.
I have a wall full of books and I have taken a job in the past 5 years that gives me
lots of time to read, a detention officer on the midnight shift. I can read about 48 minutes
of every hour.
I have read the bible cover to cover 5 times.
I have read Dawkins and Darwin.
I have read a lot of books attempting to explain the mysteries of the world.
This month I am reading the 7 mysteries of the World by Guy Murchie.
I have taken anatomy and physiology classes in college.
I have witnessed 3 autopsies in person in the police academy.
I have read about and experimented with having out of body experiences.
After I left the tower I reprogrammed myself with silva mind controll a self hypnosis
to burry all the negative watchtower thoughts.
Having been on a quest for 27 years,
and a very obsessive quest for the past 5 years,
I really dont know whats going on.
Godless atheism leaves me empty, thats my first clue to turn from it.
And if I tried to embrace atheism based on my research and reading atheistic material,
it would take as much faith and energy as beliving in God.
And there would be no pay off in the end.
I choose to believe in God, I choose to believe in Jesus, I choose to believe in an after life
that will be better than this one.
The scales that I observe on that matter are 50/50 So my faith tilts them towards faith in a
designer creator.
But my faith in Jesus/ God is nothing like being a JW.
Jesus said he came to the down trodden and oppressed, thats me thanks to the watchtower.
But I dont go to church, I dont send anybody money and I am always looking for truth.
The search for truth lead me out of the tower. Its a journey.
I find peace believing in Jesus,
When I feel peacful and rested enough I tend to explore other realities or explanations
of reality.
How do I know what I know, I do try to read both sides of an issue, for every bible thumping
God book, I make myself read something by Dawkins or some other atheistic material.
But what we are experiencing may go beyond mainstream God and mainstream Dawkinism.
I have 3 or 4 posibilities of what might be going on so far the best explanation I have found
for what we are experiencing here on earth outside of the Jesus, God, bible story,
is the works of Zechariah Sitchin as explained by Michael Tillinger in "The Slave Species of God"
My personal major contention with Sithcins theories are they are based on evolution,
While I can accept the evolution that is observed and documented, I believe we started
out as humans and we adapt or as Dawkins would say evolve, but I believe we adpat
to our enviroment but we are always human.
But once again I dont even know that, I cant prove it and I havent found anybody who can
disprove it.
Which leads me to quantum physics we see what we want and what we believe and
we will probably go where we believe we are going when we die, another reason
for me not to be an atheist.
The third posibilitie that I find very entertaing, but which I cant prove any more than
I can prove anything else is that we are in a matrix like the movie the matrix.
We are in a computer program generating energy for machines.
In the future from today machines have taken over mankind and enslaved us and
now we are pods. Issac Asimov writes about artifical intelligence and were it
might lead.
When I find someone who does know whats going on, I find them amusing and entertaining
but when I look hard and long enough I see they are full of shxt.
Which makes me think of Dawkins writing about memes, we are like different
sheep responding to various shepards voices.
Probably the best book that I can agree with to explain what is going on is the book
of Eclesiastes, it can be read in an hour or two and Solomon earns the title
worlds wisest man in my book.
Im kind of hoping you are going to tell us in this post what is going on or how we
can figure it out, tell me something I dont know.
