Once a cheater, always a cheater

by Quillsky 53 Replies latest jw friends

  • Quillsky
    Quillsky
    How about "once a liar, always a liar"?

    It's not "good" to cheat but believing that everyone who has cheated is forever untrustworthy is dumb.

    Minimus? What? Then our definitions of cheating shall forever remain different. Humans lie; that is another topic but nobody has NEVER lied. However many people have never cheated, and will never cheat, on a lifetime partner.

    Putting your dick into somebody other than the person you have vowed to be sexually faithful to is a little bit different. Besides the emotional issues there are serious sexual health concerns. Please don't confuse the two topics, thanks Minimus.

  • FreudianSlip
    FreudianSlip
    I’ve been cheated on and I’ve also been the “other woman”. Cheaters cheat because of opportunity, desire, boredom etc etc. Would a cheater cheat again if given the opportunity? Possibly, but I don’t think there’s any hard and fast rule.

    Ditto to all of the above. I do think a person can only cheat once, but I also think that most people cheat. We aren't naturally monogamous creatures.

    FYI: I've never physically cheated on anyone, but I suppose I have emotionally.

  • Quillsky
    Quillsky
    tiger woods is an example of how people can change.

    Hmmm.

    He hasn't necessarily changed. He has apologized.

  • PSacramento
    PSacramento

    SOmeone that cheates wil most likely cheat again, unless they make a dramatic change in their lives.

    Most cheaters try to rationalize the cheating: Not getting any at home, she kisses our kids with that mouth, things are really bad between us, etc.

    Fact is, there is only ONE reason NOT to cheat, because it is WRONG.

    ANy other reason can be bent into a justification:

    I don't cheat because I lover her/him, which means when you don't it's ok to cheat.

    I don't cheat because I'll get caught, the moment you think you woan't get caught you will cheat.

    Etc...

    Cheating will never be the right thing to do because that's why its called cheating.

    As for Sandra Bullock, well, should she be surprised when a Biker named Jesse James that left his pregnant former porn star girl friend for her, cheats on her ?

  • keyser soze
    keyser soze
    tiger woods is an example of how people can change.

    He's an example of how publicly humiliating it can be to get caught. The jury's still out on whether or not he's changed. That is probably not the best example.

  • SnakesInTheTower
    SnakesInTheTower

    I think that blanket statement is bullshit. Sorry, I am not editing that one.

    I will say this...if I cheated on my fiancee or she on me, it would likely be over...no second chances... and neither of us will do it. We love each other too much to risk our future together.

    I have never been married. For two decades I had a friendship with a married JW and her JW MS husband. Her husband treated her like crap behind closed doors but was the life of the party at the KH. She started leaning on me for emotional support. I never ever encouraged her to leave him or have an affair. I always encouraged her to talk it out with him instead of me. With his knowledge and permission, we went out to lunch together in public, seperate cars; he was always welcome to come, but usually didnt. Sadly, when he was along, she shut down. Without him there, she was the same bubbly gal I have always known since she was a teen. I believe, as does she, that he cheated on her...but without proof, she is stuck as a JW to stay with him.

    I also know that if we hadnt been careful there would have been an affair. She is very pretty. We talked about that danger...she wasnt having her sexual needs met.... and of course, I wasnt getting anything because I was a good little dubby elder. They had both been my friends when they were teens long before they dated. What we did was not an affair in the usual sense...but it may as well have been...it was an emotional affair. And just as wrong. Too bad she wasnt getting that support from her hubby.... I hope that she is being treated right now. Havent heard from them in many months now...nearly a year....

    I have a great life now with my beautiful non JW fiancee... and I never would have had that if I hadnt left that JW life behind.

    Snakes (Rich )

  • DaCheech
    DaCheech

    i agree

  • DaCheech
    DaCheech

    my brother married a woman who left her fiancee for him........... it took her 15 years but she cheated on him too!

  • Quillsky
    Quillsky

    So is cheating a gene? A moral decision?

  • VampireDCLXV
    VampireDCLXV

    Sorry all for the change in my post. I lost what I originally wanted to say in a browser crash. Sorry for the seeming flip flop of opinion.

    I do think a person can only cheat once, but I also think that most people cheat. We aren't naturally monogamous creatures.

    I'm sorry but I think that line of reasoning is utterly asinine. I've heard it way too many times before. If monogamy is so contrary to human nature, then WHY THE HELL DOES IT HURT SO BAD WHEN A RELATIONSHIP FAILS? Sorry for the shouting. But really, why is there so much pain when you have to end a relationship? Think about that for a minute... Thought about it? Good.

    First of all, it has been scientifically proven that there is wiring inside the human brain that makes monogamy - for lack of a better way to put it - feel good. When things are done to short circuit this wiring, things go very wrong and a person will feel bad, awful, depressed, what name you. It has also been proven that children brought into this world need both a father and a mother in a stable relationship for their optimum development. IF the parental relationship goes wrong, was never "right" in the first place or is incomplete (single parenthood), then emotional, mental, social and intellectual development will be compromised. The result? The kids usually going "wrong", becoming delinquent. We've all seen and heard about it all around us. It goes all the way down the line.

    Furthermore, it has been scientifically documented that there are species of birds and mammals that make only one pair-bond for life. "But we're not birds, but apes", you say? We were created (humor me please) with genetic aspects similar to that of many species. For example: because we have relatively bare pink skin, we have almost as much genetically in common with swine as we do with apes.

    I'll admit that there is also some wiring inside the human brain that manifests itself in tendencies towards infidelity, the "instinctual spreading of genes" thing. There is one more piece to the puzzle. The human intellect. It gives us the unique ability to plan our actions with the future in mind. We can use it to decide between what is beneficial or detrimental to our self interest or the interests of others.

    We thus come to the matter of choice. I think the real issue when it comes to cheating is whether or not a person is able to make good choices throughout life. Cheating is usually the result of a long string of bad choices a person makes throughout life, like who to be friends with, where to live, where to find employment, who to marry, when to marry, how to spend money, when to have children, where and how to raise them, etc. Sure, cheating is often a result of desperation, but what poor choices led the person there? Sometimes a person marries another because they've been deceived by the other about certain things. This is a truly unfortunate thing for the person being deceived and the person doing the deceiving deserves to rot in hell, so to speak. (I don't really believe in hell, just saying.) What is the vaccine against such tragedies? Learning to make better choices than one has made previously.

    We finally get down to the moral character of a person. A person could make poor choices because of medical issues, emotional issues, mental illness, poor education or simply because they are morally defective. The ones who are truly lacking in character can sometimes change but not usually. These are the kinds of cheaters who are truly "once a cheater, always a cheater". These ones are the scum of the earth everyone should avoid.

    Thankyou,

    V665


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