Once a cheater, always a cheater (page 3)

jehovahsheep

tiger woods is an example of how people can change.

aSphereisnotaCircle

In hindsight, I am really surprised that I never cheated on my JW hubby.

He was a closeted homosexual and I was a 17 year old idiot when we got married.

I tried everything I could think of to try to get him to show some physical interest in me.

I spent the next 18 years just starving for some strong loving arms around me, it never happened.

I was ripe for an affair but I never crossed that line.

If I had to do it all over again I would choose to be unfaithful, it would have gotten me out of that horrible relationship sooner.

But, my ex was very popular and had tons of friends. If I had cheated, everyone would have thought that he was mister perfect and I was the one with low morals.

As is was, when we finally did split up, he broadcasted to everyone who would listen that I had been unfaithful ot him. So damn, wish I had gotten a little on the side.

MMXIV

Someone who has cheated may not be a cheater - they may be forced into action (plenty of good examples above).

Someone who is a cheater may carry on cheating - chasing opportunities or allowing themselves to fall into an opportunity.

Someone who is a cheater may still be a cheater - but not practice cheating (spot and maybe even nurture opportunities but just not carry them through)

MMXIV

Think About It

Past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior.

If this were true in the area of marital fidelity, how would you explain first time cheaters? It comes down to the dynamics of the marriage and personal circumstances. Each person's situation can be very unique.

Think About It

palmtree67

I don't agree with quilsky.

My experience: I had a husband who treated me like shit, a congregation that treated me like shit, a family that treated me like shit.

Someone came along and it was just nice to have someone be NICE to me. ( Turned out, he had really cared about me for a long time. )

Am I proud of this? No. It's not who I am, not who I want to be.

And I'm working hard to never let myself get that low in my life ever again.

I don't think you can judge people about this til you've walked in their shoes.

minimus

How about "once a liar, always a liar"?

It's not "good" to cheat but believing that everyone who has cheated is forever untrustworthy is dumb.

nugget

People are complicated. Some people only care about themselves, what they need and want and don't consider the emotional impact their actions have on others. They are prone to cheating because the only person who counts in their life is themselves. In this case the statement applies and this person should be avoided.

But as has already been stated other people use cheating as a way out of a bad situation or because they made a mistake in the first place and started a relationship with the wrong person. The cheating in this case isn't necessarily indicative of future conduct.

There are also people who never considered the possibility, were caught off guard and did something dumb. They realise they did wrong and feel a heal. The cheating was out of character for them and was a one off event. People sometimes make mistakes.

As I said people are complicated.

yknot

I have been faithful without any reproach in my marriage.......

However I stand by my points that things aren't always 'clear-cut'.

Life and events are rarely 'black or white' rather they have many broad shades of grey.

I think like most things.... individual circumstances outweigh broad labels.

Twitch

In my opinion a cheat remains a cheat. Opportunity is the variable.

Thanks for the opinion.

Interesting how most cheaters are justifying cheating.

Too bad they don't have your solid gold morals.

Any non-cheaters willing to step up?

Sure, right here. What do you want to know?

Quillsky, i think you have an agenda.
Interesting how people judge others without having walked in their shoes too.
You asked for a discussion then shoot those brave enough to share?

Exactly

Quillsky

Oh please, I have no agenda.

I enjoy the conversation, please continue. Some interesting thoughts have emerged here and I am pleased that both former cheaters and never-cheaters have shared their experiences.

Once a cheater, always a cheater

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