So.....do you or don't you want them to come after you?

Quillsky

I've noticed an interesting dichotomy in these discussions. As a starting point, I understand that we are all different --- there is no "we" here except that we have all been, or been involved with, JW's. But this is interesting....

Some people complain about being "hounded" by elders and shepherding calls and previous "friends" and so on. They want this communication to STOP.

Others complain that after they stopped attending meetings nobody called, nobody wrote, nobody came to visit.... they complain.... "where is the LOVE???!"

So what do you want? JW elders and "the friends" to come after you or to leave you alone?

fokyc

I would just love them to come after me.

I have baited them and had so many lies told me when they used to visit.

Then after one acrimonious meeting I very clearly told one elder in front of another:

"You are a liar, you have lied to yourself, you have lied to the congregation;

You have lied to the Branch office, you have lied to other Elders and the CO."

Since making it so clear, not one has come to visit! Very strange!

Just waiting.

wobble

I agree that after leaving you have mixed feelings, not wanting to be hounded,or encouraged as they would say, but surprised at the lack of interest.

I was "in" for 58 years, and it was only when I was very outspoken to a newly appointed man about what was wrong with the WTB$ that I got a visit from 2 Elders, this was six months after my last meeting. They said they "wanted me back at the meetings", but their questions were about my loyalty to the Org.

I did ask myself after this "Where is the love ?" and though none of us "want them to come after us" as you put it, it would have been nice just to have a warm friendly visit, which addressed some of the problems I was having in life of a non-religious nature, just showing interest in me and my Wife.

My Wife has NEVER had a shepherding call in the last 20 years of the 58 she was in, or since we left. Many times when we were in she asked "Where is the love" and rightly so.

The Buggers can stay away forever now.

love

Wobble

teel

Let me tell you my bit of story. I specifically told the elders not to come visit me. After a few calls and commands that I have to meet them for my own well being I said: fine, if you truly want to help me out of love, I am willing to meet one single elder to have a friendly chat. I figured I'd tell my problems with the organization, hear his oppinion about the matter, and so on (all the while free from the pressure of two-man interrogation). You know, like simple friends - not to mention brothers.

You know what happened? They can't accept that. Is that truly a brotherly love? The thing is elders don't come to visit because of love, they come because they have to. There is a very clear organizational policy they must follow. If it's not in the "rule book" they won't do it. It's completely lacking any kind of love.

They only follow the parable Jesus told at Matthew 18:12,13 :

12"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for an other shepherd for both of them to look for the one that wandered off? 13 And if they find it and the sheep is running away scared because there are two men after him, I tell you the truth, the shepherd will be happy to leave that one sheep to die, saying: "I have done everything I could".

(note: the above is sarcasm, before someone accuses me of changing the Bible)

blondie

I think initially people would like to be proved wrong, that people sincerely care. But they find that except for the canned "encouragement" all real, caring contact drops off and disappears.

I was not surprised by no real, caring contact since there had been little in our lives at the KH for the 3 years before; and that's being up on the high shelf of elder and wife and "widening out" to those other thought rejects and beneath their concern.

Does it mean I want contact if I observe there is no contact?

It has been 10 years and in the last year we get the twice a year attempt just before the CO visit. No calls to set up an appointment, just dropping by at a time convenient to them but not to us. Not exactly what you would do if you really care.

We don't seek contact with jws but if we meet them, we give a cordial greeting or a wave and a brief non-jw conversation checking to see how they are doing. It's amazing how many of them have complaints about life despite being the happiest people on earth.

Blondie

OnTheWayOut

I think initially people would like to be proved wrong, that people sincerely care. But they find that except for the canned "encouragement" all real, caring contact drops off and disappears.

That's what it is. Speaking for myself, I felt that many JW's in the congregation were genuinely concerned about the supposed life-saving work. I believed that they believed Matt. 18: 12,13 about wanting to go help the single lost sheep.

So wanting them to "come after" me was like a last stand. I felt that, sure the doctrine was wrong, but the love and concern of the individuals could override that problem. It turns out that it cannot. Deep down, as a previous elder, I knew that they only could offer cold insistence that I believe the doctrine and do the bidding of the WTS Governing Body or else. I knew that their only message close to "love and concern" was that they would fully welcome me back into the fold if I went to most meetings and stayed "regular" in field recruiting.

So, leaving was an exercise in proving to myself that it was more than just "not the truth" but was actually a "dangerous mind-control cult."

If you want to look at it a lighter way, suppose you know that a former very close friend is getting married. You've lost some contact with that former friend because your lives have gone down different paths. You may not want to go to the wedding, but you still feel a bit forgotten or insulted when they do not send you an invitation. You were going to send a gift, but now you are mad they snubbed you.

awildflower

I went after THEM and they ran! However, my FRIENDS in the hall , like all the "sisters" that didn't call to even see what might be wrong, is what hurt me. You almost expect the "elders" to not do their job at this point, but when you think you have real friends, only to find out that you only had "conditional" friends, that's where the real shocker is. At this point I would turn every single one of them away from me IF they came around which is very highly unlikely.

alanv

There is nothing more I would like than to be visited by an elder. Trouble is when I tell him how I feel about things now I would leave myself open to disfellowshipping. I think this is true of many that have faded. We have all learnt so much abour the org. since leaving it would be really good to tell the elders those things. But as I say we can't. They have us over a barrell as it were. So all we can do is help people anonymously, or at least away from the prying eyes of the elders.

cantleave

There are some genuinely nice people in the congregations. They genuinely care about others. I don't have a problem with them. My problem lies with the organisation and what it claims to be truth and the way it deals with people who criticise it.

I want to be able to just walk away without any reprucussions. I want to maintain friendships with people I like and not be judged for making an informed choice.

Mad Sweeney

I think initially people would like to be proved wrong, that people sincerely care. But they find that except for the canned "encouragement" all real, caring contact drops off and disappears.

And the "encouragement" is so predictable. It is never "We miss you. Why don't you come out to dinner and bowling on Friday." It is always "We miss you at the meetings. Have you spoken with the elders about whatever's wrong?"

I can't wait for the "drops off and disappears" part.

So.....do you or don't you want them to come after you?

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