In many cultures, arranged marriages are a common practice. Often this involves the parents of both parties making specific arrangements for their children to marry upon reaching a certain age. Sometimes there is money or property given to the parents of the bride as compensation for the loss of her efforts in the household. This has been discussed previously in this journal.**See The Watchtower, CD-ROM Library 2009, under the subject of "arranged marriages". But is this practice appropriate for Christians today? Although cultures vary, should Jehovah's Witnesses practice arranged marriages?
In Bible times, it was common for one's mate to come from one's family members. Abraham's wife Sarah was his half-sister. Isaac's wife Rebekah was chosen from the family of his uncle. Is this appropriate in our time? No. Avoiding the appearance of incest in the Christian congregation is vital to keeping the reputation of Jehovah's people free from reproach. Nevertheless, could others who are not closely related perhaps submit to an arranged marriage? How would such arrangements take place within the Christian congregation?
If the parents of a young Christian are servants of Jehovah and wish to make arrangements for marriage of their son to a faithful, baptized sister in the congregation, that is their personal decision. Wisely, we do not judge our brothers in such matters. However, the parents would do well to consult with the congregation elders to determine the reputation of the prospective bride and that of her parents if her parents are also true Christians. The loving counsel of the elders should be taken under serious consideration before any marriage arrangements are made.
The elders, of course, should be promptly notified--even on hand, ideally--for any marital agreements entered into by the parents of the prospective couple. Such an arrangement should be drawn up in writing and witnessed by at least two elders. The elders would then file a copy of said marital license in the congregation file, sending a copy to the Society using the new form am-236. Upon confirming that the Society has received a copy of the form, the elders may then notify the family verbally that a marriage ceremony may take place.
The parents should wisely seek to have the ceremony performed at the Kingdom Hall if both parties are baptized and in good standing. What if the prospective couple is not baptized or one party or the other has been recently disciplined? Seeking to avoid the appearance of approval of any wrong conduct or spiritual hesitancy, elders would not perform the ceremony at the Kingdom Hall. It would be up to the individual elder's conscience to decide whether or not he should perform the ceremony at all. If the elders decide not to do so, the Society should be informed by letter immediately, or at least prior to the wedding itself.
If the ceremony is to be performed at the Kingdom Hall, the elders would do well to meet with the parents of the wedding party and determine whether or not the prospective couple has maintained moral cleanness during the period of establishing the arranged marriage. Have the two parties interacted during the arrangement period, perhaps even "dating" or isolating themselves under the false reasoning that they could take immoral liberties since they will soon be wed? If any inappropriate conduct has occurred during the establishment period of the arranged marriage, the Society should be informed and the elders should take appropriate judicial action. Such a couple would not then be allowed to marry at the Kingdom Hall.
Should others, perhaps mature sisters in the congregation, along with the elders, help to decide when such arranged marriages can occur for those whose parents are not serving Jehovah? Perhaps. This would be appropriate only if the unbelieving parents have outright rejected the children on account of their faithfulness to Jehovah. In that case, mature sisters and elders could serve as spiritual parents and make the necessary arrangements based on the spiritual qualifications of the brother and sister under consideration. Are they at the same level spiritually? Is one or the other lacking in meeting attendance, field service, or perhaps unwilling to submit to theocratic direction? Such ones should not be under consideration for the sacred bond of marriage.
What can be done for those who do not meet Jehovah's standards for the marriage arrangement? If they wish to marry in Jehovah's organization and have his blessing, they would do well to put his lofty principles and Kingdom interests first in their lives. Marriage may not be the proper course for them at this time, knowing that only spiritually focused ones can endure the 'tribulation in the flesh' that marriage in this wicked system often brings. Such ones should wisely draw close to Jehovah, knowing that he will arrange for all their proper desires to be cared for in his due time, if they submit to his guidance.
Those who wish to marry should prayerfully consider Jehovah's direction on this matter. Marriage is a gift from Jehovah and must therefore be arranged according to theocratic guidelines. Let us therefore demonstrate our trust in Jehovah in all matters of life, including the binding theocratic arrangement of marriage.