Have you Been Shunned Even Though Just Considered " Inactive " ?

by flipper 41 Replies latest jw friends

  • flipper

    Many of us here on the board are " inactive" , myself included. Have NOT attended meetings or gone out in service for years. I haven't now for 6 years + . It has been a challenge as I have many JW relatives still actively participating as members. Some of my JW family respects my fade and inactivity - my elderly dad and mom do, one older brother mostly and one sister who suffered a stroke a couple years ago. I have another ex-Gilead sister who shuns me and will not talk to me, as do my 2 adult JW daughters mostly. I am in contact with a continuing growing list of inactive nieces and nephews who respect me . Fortunately my 24 year old son and I are close and he is out of the org. and my wife never has been a JW.

    As Ray Franz stated in his book " Crisis of Conscience " on page 348 " Certainly one of the most painful experiences for many who have tried to be true to conscience is to realize how quickly long-term friendships can end , how abruptly an atmosphere of apparent love can change to one of cold distrust " . He continues , " When your very reverence, devotion and integrity toward God have been defamed, it is a chilling experience to hear someone that you considered a friend say , " I don't know what happened and I prefer NOT to know. " Or to learn that such a one has said, " I don't know the FACTS but whatever the organization did there must have been a good reason. " Ray continues, " I believe that the turning off one's affection with the apparent ease of turning off a light switch is also a product of ORGANIZATIONAL INDOCTRINATION , NOT SOMETHING NORMAL to most persons' natural feelings. " He adds, " Whatever the case, the Witness who follows his or her conscience may indeed find terminated virtually every friendship that he or she has had. "

    It is ridiculous . Aside from my JW family who associate sporadically with me , NONE of ANY of my former JW friends ever keep in touch at all with me. Of the 2 I tried calling to see where their heads are at- the " cult mind control" was so strong that 95 % of the conversation was them defending the WT society's stupid rules. Fortunately I've made great friends with ex-JW's on the board and other " never been a witness " people and moved on.

    But it would be interesting for many of us to know - How many of you have been shunned , just because you stopped attending meetings or going in service ? As always I look forward to your thoughts. Peace out to all, Mr. Flipper

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    I am not shunned by family still in, but I don't discuss religion with them either. If I see a jw out, most will talk with me, but there is a guarded, strange element to the encounter.

    Most jw encounters that are more extended end up with them asking me when I am coming back to the meetings. They remind me of why I joined in the first place. They can make you feel like you are the most important person in the world. The problem now is that I truly have affection for many that I spent much of my life with, but I can't buy the teachings anymore.

  • dissed

    Faded for 13 years and counting......

    Living in a small town, we frequently run into the JW's at markets, etc....and would almost always get some sort of reply back.

    This past summer my wife had a frank discussion with an Elder and his wife where she said, "We don't believe we are in the last days"

    Since then, they have been noticeably avoiding us.

    We wondered if we were Df'd in abstentia it was so bad. Even her JW sister will not talk to her now who lives in Calif. but knows several JW's where we live.

    Someone suggested here, it probably was just the JW's talking after my wife made the Elder's wife drop her jaw. They do love to gossip, no?

  • Jadeen

    I was never baptized and I get shunned by some in the local congregation.

  • truthseekeriam

    Mixed bag for me as well. I get some that are happy to see me, then I get some that turn their head a pretend not to see me. I embarrassed one elder completely when he tried to avoid me. I marched on up to him and spoke as loudly as possible so others around us turned around..LOL.

    He may think twice about it next time. Just a smile and wave would have avoided it.

  • zoiks

    Yes I am actively being shunned by all but one of my "friends" and passively shunned by my family members that are still in. In fact there are some who have taken it upon themselves to inform friends in other areas of my inactive state. Calling them up specifically for that purpose. How very kind of them! True Christians, all.

  • Miss Chievous
    Miss Chievous

    I am inactive and nobody in the cong, even the elders, know my reasons for leaving. If I see any of my cong in the street or have to attend a funeral at the KH everyone will say hello, give me a big hug, look sad and ask me how I'm doing but nobody ever comes to visit me or ring me to talk otherwise. My oldest friend in the org moved away some years ago and we would email and chat on the phone regularly until her brother found out and told her to stop talking to me. I suppose they think they're doing it for my own good!

    Miss C

  • no more kool aid
    no more kool aid

    Some extended family will not speak to us. Other family still associate, but it is stiff and awkward because they really don't have any other outside interests to base a conversation on. For our kids, they have a life now, planning for college, playing sports and friends, if they mention these things it just falls on deaf ears. As for friends, just a few that will still speak to us, mainly because they are not the super zealot types. Most witness have stopped patronizing my husband's business. When you leave you really have to be prepared to start over.

  • Ilovebirthdays

    Yes. I am the only one in all of my family who has left, and only my mom and youngest sister will talk to me. They live about 10 minutes away, and only see us maybe twice a year, and basically just want me to drop off my children with them and have my husband and I go somewhere else. None of my old "friends" talk to me, and if anyone I knew in the congregation or surrounding ones sees me, they basically turn bright red and stare at the ground. I've had one elder be very nice to me when he saw me, but abruptly left when he asked if I would consider coming back and I said no.

  • chickpea

    mixed for me too

    no family at all "in"

    i have no IDEA what my
    official status is as i have
    not heard "boo" from the
    BoE, even with a very
    public persona, in the
    local papers and doing
    PSA's for an LGBTQ org.....

    people from the KH i attended
    variably say "hi" or blow right by...

    my favorite was this uber-righteous
    newbie who not only refused to say
    hi but had a scowl on his face that
    made him look like he had stepped
    in aposta-poo

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