Jeff, you have a PM
More Misc Ramblings About Gilead
I am about ready to go to bed, but before I do....
For me to talk about how weak I felt after all of this, while cathartic, is so hard for me. I have tried so hard to hide this pain for some reason. In part, because I legitimately brought this on myself. Much of my problems are no ones fault but my own.
Still though, it is hard to deal with. I don't deserve sympathy, but it helps to know that you all care. Believe me.
As you can perhaps tell, I have more stuff to work through with my missionary past. Hope to deal with it better as time progresses. Thanks for reading this as I post it.
As always, I apologize for being duped by this goddam cult.
Don't apologize- the word "duped" says it all. It doesn't have any reflection on your personality or inner strengh or anything else. Your on a board where we all know that.
Did you ever experience the feeling where you were encouraging someone about how great Gilead is and how it is such a great goal to have- and you realized that you were lying and that it is really pretty miserable. I experienced that several times as a Bethelite. Telling some kid- "Yeah come to Bethel you'll have so much fun- it is so great!" and meanwhile thinking- yeah- if you consider poverty and lonliness fun!! The org has a way of majorly mind-f'ing you.
I cant really identify with the foreign country stuff- but your stories about morning worship- so true!
Also- did you notice the incredible level of "Stepford wives" shallowness among most bethelites?? I visited some time after I left and was shocked about how separated from reality the whole place is.