More Misc Ramblings About Gilead

by AllTimeJeff 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • startingover

    Jeff, you have a PM

  • AllTimeJeff

    I am about ready to go to bed, but before I do....

    For me to talk about how weak I felt after all of this, while cathartic, is so hard for me. I have tried so hard to hide this pain for some reason. In part, because I legitimately brought this on myself. Much of my problems are no ones fault but my own.

    Still though, it is hard to deal with. I don't deserve sympathy, but it helps to know that you all care. Believe me.

    As you can perhaps tell, I have more stuff to work through with my missionary past. Hope to deal with it better as time progresses. Thanks for reading this as I post it.

    As always, I apologize for being duped by this goddam cult.

  • lrkr

    Don't apologize- the word "duped" says it all. It doesn't have any reflection on your personality or inner strengh or anything else. Your on a board where we all know that.

    Did you ever experience the feeling where you were encouraging someone about how great Gilead is and how it is such a great goal to have- and you realized that you were lying and that it is really pretty miserable. I experienced that several times as a Bethelite. Telling some kid- "Yeah come to Bethel you'll have so much fun- it is so great!" and meanwhile thinking- yeah- if you consider poverty and lonliness fun!! The org has a way of majorly mind-f'ing you.

    I cant really identify with the foreign country stuff- but your stories about morning worship- so true!

    Also- did you notice the incredible level of "Stepford wives" shallowness among most bethelites?? I visited some time after I left and was shocked about how separated from reality the whole place is.

Share this