More Misc Ramblings About Gilead

by AllTimeJeff 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    In life, we often - almost always - have to make our decisions on the basis of incomplete information. Even in the best of situations, we certainly can't see clearly what the results of our decisions would be. The natural result is that we make mistakes.

    It is a testament not only to your intellect but to your character that you were able to recognize your mistake and then, rather than rationalizing it as many do, you took action to correct your course.

    If it were possible to look into the minds of the upper level managment at Bethel, we would probably see a majority who knew they made a mistake. None of them have the strength of character to admit this - perhaps not even to themselves - and so they become hollow men, going thru the motions from day to day, knowing that this is what they must do to keep a roof over their heads. What a miserable way to spend a life, even if you do have butlers at your beck and call and world tours and adulation. It is all hollow.

  • AllTimeJeff

    I struggle everyday, not with my decision to leave, but the world I showed up in, wondering if I am going to be ok?

    For some reason (thanks to my previous therapy) I know that some of my irrational fear of being homeless comes from seeing it rather dramatically on the streets of the cities of Cameroon, and in part, because I knew I had enough friends and goodwill built up that if bad things happened, I could stay with some friends.

    I lost that when I left. I don't regret it at all, but its always there in the back of my mind. It's part of the irrational anxiety I struggle with. I am working on it. Some days are better then others.

    There are times I get really angry at it all, but then I calm down. Not a lot to do about the past anyway. I crossed the Rubicon a long way back.

  • dinah

    Marked to read tomorrow.

  • AllTimeJeff
    That's one of most logical explanation of being "spirit" annointed I've ever read.

    LOL! I guess that would be true, wouldn't it? I know I wasn't in my right mind that day. It was a total panic induced freak out. I was alone, and I couldn't cope that day. That might have been rock bottom other then the attacks themselves.

    Palmtree, you are succeeding at being a success. Keep up the good work! :P)

    I appreciate the kind words y'all.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    You mentioned your "attack." I'm not familiar with your story; was this a physical assault? Did you experience anxiety attacks when you were younger, before you went to Gilead? I don't want to pry, but I am curious.

  • AllTimeJeff

    I was attacked twice in a 4 day span in 2005. The 2nd one was on the way back from a Sunday meeting, where I was mugged in a taxi and beat up. I escaped with my life. Both attacks were knife attacks.

    I was beaten up in the 2nd attack, concussion, swollen face, the works. I was attacked in a taxi. Taxi's in Cameroon are little yellow Toyota's, so after that, whenever I saw one, I would either throw up or dry heave. I lost about 30 lbs or so. After I got back to the States, I was HAPPY to get in a NYC cab. So weird.

    I would call myself a bit on the nervous hyper side growing up, but I never experienced anxiety attacks until after I went to Cameroon.

    If you want to read my story, it is here.

  • metatron

    You have confirmed what I suspected about Gilead. This subject bothered me a great deal when I was 'loyal'. Decade after decade, they accept the suffering that Gilead engenders - and what a waste of resources the whole arrangement is. Much of this futile effort ( for an average stay of two years, amidst serious debilitating illness) is simply because they are so obsessed with CONTROL that they can't trust the local brothers to get the job done. THEY MUST CONTROL everyone, even if they need a continuous stream of 'soon to be burned out' and seriously ill people every couple years to do it.

    It symbolized the spiritual sickness of the organization to me. It's a mess and they do little or nothing to improve it. Gileadites give up and come home, often seriously damaged or chronically sick for years, with little opportunity for a job.

    I cannot believe that 'worldly' missionaries are treated like this - with this little support and care. I suppose we shouldn't be at all surprized that they recently treated Bethelites with this same sort of dismissive cruelty in laying them off amidst the worst job market in 60 years. They've been practicing this careless treatment for decades


  • AllTimeJeff
    I cannot believe that 'worldly' missionaries are treated like this - with this little support and care. I suppose we shouldn't be at all surprized that they recently treated Bethelites with this same sort of dismissive cruelty in laying them off amidst the worst job marker in 60 years. They've practicing this careless treatment for decades

    Interesting sidenote: At our table was a couple who had been at Bethel for over 20 years. When all the rumors started about downsizing, they were worried. They figured they were being targeted. Sure enough, I heard before I left the borg that they were among those "reassigned" to the field. 25 years at Bethel, and with no savings or anything, they got sent out into the world, with nothing but a thank you note.

    I thought of them often when I got back. I realized I was nothing more then a piece of meat to the WTBTS.

  • thetrueone

    You remind one and all that the GB members and past presidents of the WTS. were really looking out for themselves

    and the probable cause and reason for the long extraneous line of bullshit forwarded by these individuals.

    I've mentioned this before that if C. Russell didn't leave a heap of money and some printing presses when he died

    the JWS would have never have come into existence.

  • startingovernow

    Jeff, I don't view such posts as ramblings at all. Considering it was the goal of Gilead that made me make the impulsive decision not to go to college and ended up messing up more than a decade of my life, I like to have more confirmation of what the WT really is all about. I remember seeing someone's class notes from the 80's and having my first thought be, "That's just crazy stuff - it doesn't make any sense, maybe this is a joke." But then, like with so many thoughts, I would have this other inner "WT voice" tell me that it must be me, since I haven't read the Bible enough, studied enough, etc.- that is why I don't understand things. I know of at least 2 couples that went to Gilead, and as far as I know, they are still in their assignments. When I look at the couples themselves, I can't help wondering why they are there. These were not kind and loving people. They were simply interested in their positions. One of the couples were Bethelites prior to Gilead, so all that you describe of Bethel was already the norm for them. The other couple had lived with the guy's mother their entire marriage pre-Gilead, so maybe having a table head watching what they did and said was not so much out fo the norm for them either. What amazes me is what you describe of the "Bible education" at Gilead. Really, with as many meetings as JWs are supposed to go to we all should have read our Bibles and understood it backwards and forwards, but this is not the case. JW's mainly study the publications of the WT and I found myself doing so just so I wouldn't be caught not knowing any "new light". Sad that it took me so long to realize just what was happening. So, as sorry I am as to what happened to you in Africa, I am glad you are alive to tell the tale and share the truth about Gilead, etc. Maybe if will help someone young person who was like me (sincere) realize that if they really want to help the world there are better organiztions to get involved with to do so.

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