Need help with how to respond to my husband

by doublelife 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • doublelife

    So I went though the whole 'generation' issue with my husband and I got him to admit that the "new light" does not make since. But he just shrugged it off and said that the society has been wrong about other things so it's no a big deal. The governing body are imperfect. He thinks that the society's view on most of Revelation is wrong too. So I asked him why he still has faith in the governing body. At first he said the preaching work and that, for the most part, jws live morally clean lives. I brought out that that could describe other religions(I've talked to him in the past about those other religions) so there has to be something else that sets the governing body apart in his eyes. So his answer was that jws are pacifist. The jws are the only religion who will not go to war and kill others. He said pacifism is something he feels very strongly about. How do I respond to that?

  • changeling

    SDA's do not fight in wars either. They do "alternative service"

    Also, JW's do not consider themselves "pacifists". Peaceful, neutral, yes. But they don't like the term "pacifist", it sort of has political connotations.

    I don't think Buddihists are into war either...

    And many people, as individuals, refuse to go to war.

    Oh, and hippies! Don't forget hippies! :)

  • blondie

    The Amish don't fight either.

  • flipper

    DOUBLELIFE- Quakers don't believe in going to war. Actually a lot of non-religious people don't believe in going to war either. As regards morals - Ask your husband if he thinks it would be possible for a non-religious or non-witness person to have good upstanding morals ? And see what answer you get. His reply would be interesting. Witnesses are taught that we all become hedonistic, orgy loving, drug using, binge drinking emotional wack jobs if we exit the witnesses. Usually, nothing is further from the truth. Most of us are really sane , nice people. His answer will tell you how much he is under " cult mind control". Good luck, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • OnTheWayOut

    The Quakers, the Amish, the Mennonites, the Church of the Brethren all known for their morals and for their pacifism or peaceful opposition to war.

    A bit more mainstream and less cult-like are the Anglican Pacifist Fellowship

  • Scully

    But isn't "being wrong" diametrically opposed to the concept of TRUTH?

    Isn't "being wrong" the whole reason why False Religion™ is FALSE and the reason why Lovers of Truth™ need to "get out of her, my people, if you do not want to share in her sins and receive part of her plagues"?

  • doublelife

    Thanks for everyone's responses.

    Flipper: He does know that non-jws have good morals.

    What worries me is that I don't think there will ever be anything I could show or tell him that would make him doubt. He has told me more than once that he is comfortable in this religion and it's the way he was raised so he doesn't have a desire to leave. And honesty, he does seem to be happy in this religion. He recognizes when there is something he doesn't agree with and it still doesn't bother him. He just forms his own opinions even if it doesn't agree with the society's literature. And when I challenge some doctrine I don't see his cult personality come out the way I see it with my mom. Nothing I say seems to faze him.

  • flipper

    DOUBLELIFE- If your husband is " stuck " in the beliefs and feels comfortable due to being raised up in it - it may be that you'll have to be patient and somewhere down the road he may be the type to start questioning things if HE PERSONALLY is dealt with unfairly or unjustly by elders or someone in authority in the congregation. I was raised up in it too- and THAT is what turned my lights on . Getting treated unjustly by elders woke me up in a very real way. Could be your husband might be like that, time will tell. It's one thing to hear of OTHER WITNESSES being treated badly- but when it touches you it's a different ballgame when YOU experience it firsthand. Just my 2 cents, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • AudeSapere
    Scully wrote: But isn't "being wrong" diametrically opposed to the concept of TRUTH? Isn't "being wrong" the whole reason why False Religion™ is FALSE and the reason why Lovers of Truth™ need to "get out of her, my people, if you do not want to share in her sins and receive part of her plagues"?

    All in good time, though. When he's ready, he'll make a move. If you push too hard and at the wrong time, it will just put more stress on your marriage and possibly push him further in.

    Might not hurt to reiterate Scully's comment to him and let it sit for a while.

    There does come a time in most people's lives when they realize that even as a JW, they will be held accountable for their own actions. I had that awakening during one meeting and had to just up and leave. I suddenly became acutely aware that by quietly sitting in my seat in the KH, I was complicit with what was occuring in the cong and with what was being spoken from the platform. Wish I could remember what the 'brother' was saying but he was an elder who had just moved into our cong and I just got weird vibes from this brother that everyone else was so excited about. It was my last regular meeting.

    True honest-hearted ones will take action when they personally feel the 'wrongness' of the org and they have their own personal 'crisis of conscience'.

    For both of your sakes, I hope that happens soon for him.


  • doublelife

    I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I went to and there is a page on JWs and War. There is an article quoted from the '97 Awake where it says jws are not pacifist. And it also gives a list of other religions that don't go to war.

    And Scully, I like your comment. But I can't seem to get past his circular reasoning that the "light gets brighter" and to "wait on Jehovah."

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