I hate myself because I can't do anything right. If I self sacrifice...it's out of obligation...if i offer, it's out of obligation...i'm not strong. I feel like a coward. I'm too emotional for a guy. Other people (guys mostly) laugh at me because of how EMOTIONAL i can get. I have no confidence. I have no self pride (the good kind) ... I have no humility. I am always trying to fix myself and not able to do so...i can't control myself most of the time. I'm always depressed. I'm always upset. I use to be MAD ...mad as HELL all the TIME! ...and now that the anger is subsided....all i am is depressed under it.
Who says you cannot do anything right? Is it you or are you playing an old tape? You will have to learn to differentiate between your beliefs and those that have been imposed upon you and keep running on a loop in your head.
Stop giving out of obligation. So what if somebody thinks you are selfish? The person telling you that you are selfish by not giving them what they want is the selfish one.
When you start being selfish and unapologetic for being selfish, you will discover strength and confidence. You will discover how good it feels to give because you want to give not because of the selfish dictates of another.
And what if you do not need to fix yourself? What if you just need to learn to be yourself and not apologize for it? Learn to let your freak flag fly, my brother. Run it up the flag pole, salute it. Once you stop listening to what others tell you to be, you will not be as mad or depressed.
I would like to say more but am going to have to log off for a while. I've got to save a client from an evil, predatory lender.