Robdar "So why do you hate yourself?"
I hate myself because I can't do anything right. If I self sacrifice...it's out of obligation...if i offer, it's out of obligation...i'm not strong. I feel like a coward. I'm too emotional for a guy. Other people (guys mostly) laugh at me because of how EMOTIONAL i can get. I have no confidence. I have no self pride (the good kind) ... I have no humility. I am always trying to fix myself and not able to do so...i can't control myself most of the time. I'm always depressed. I'm always upset. I use to be MAD ...mad as HELL all the TIME! ...and now that the anger is subsided....all i am is depressed under it.
I feel like a 4 year old in an adult body (almost 30!). Other guys have more confidence. Other people seem to grow. I cna't grow. People surpass me in their 'self development' and i'm still trying to get out of this ditch and fill my emptiness. On the surface, i'm comical. I laugh, i joke...i work out. I try to make others feel better if i don't know them. Or maybe that's so they can love me.... everything about me is so negative. There is little to none positive qualities about me. I feel like a pile of shit. I feel like i should've matured long ago..and i havn't and id on't understand why...and even if it's 'you're looking for other people to love you' I know someone who is 17 years old.....and i'll still be dealing with this shit by the time i'm 40 and they'll pass me up