Friend going to elders soon for a spankin' Any current / ex elders here?

by JerkhovahsWitless 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  JerkhovahsWitless

  I have a JW friend who's done somethings with his JW girlfriend in the porneia category. Not intercourse though.

  He wants to go to the elders and confess. I'm not sure of his reasons why, I mean he sees the BS of the cult. Maybe part of him still believes, maybe he feels bad because she believes in the cult, I don't know. But, I do agree its a good idea for him to do it now and get it over with. It wouldn't be good in the future if he decides to fade after he leaves home and then this issue comes up and the elders hunt him down to DF him. (He would choose fading over DF'ing to keep some family ties, so a DF'ing while trying to fade, then having to get reinstated in order to start fading again would suck).

  I'm trying to figure out what to tell him it'll be like at the JC so he'll at least have an idea of the best way to put on an academy award winning performance. From what I've read in the elders manual, the difference between him getting DF'ed or reproved depends on how the elders play god and judge him based on how they feel. Is that pretty much all there is to it? Whatever he does or says, cries or doesn't cry, it doesn't really matter. He could really be repentant, but if they decide they don't feel he is, they'll DF him instead of reprove? He could also be in store for some embarrassing graphic details if these perverts decide they want to hear them? Is there also the risk of one of them getting DFed while the other just get reproved? Is it possible they'll tell him to get engaged and set a marriage date or get DF'ed?
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  darth frosty

  Just my .02 You say no intercourse so ima guess the great BJ. It truly depends on who sits on the JC and their style. Is the couple well known to the body?(read liked) Have they had similar issues in the past? perhaps even with a previous BF or GF? It shouldn't be more than private reproof for the couple...unless the elders are some hard asses that want to make an example out of them.
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  OnTheWayOut

  Is that pretty much all there is to it?

  Generally. If he answers all their intrusive questions (often detailed about the acts performed) and says that he has prayed for foregiveness and does whatever the elders suggest, he will be considered repentant and they will put "restrictions" on his commenting and meeting activity. They will also determine if a public announcement is necessary or not. In this case, probably not.

  Whatever he does or says, cries or doesn't cry, it doesn't really matter. He could really be repentant, but if they decide they don't feel he is, they'll DF him instead of reprove?

  Yes. If he knows WTS is all BS, I might consider not going to confess. If the girl doesn't want to confess, I would consider putting it all behind me. She doesn't want to involve the elders, then it would never be known. If she wants to go foreward, then he should prepare to kiss some ass.

  He could also be in store for some embarrassing graphic details if these perverts decide they want to hear them? Is there also the risk of one of them getting DFed while the other just get reproved?

  Yes, some very embassing graphic details could take place, I would say it is highly likely for foreplay without sex. They will think they can figure out if it was serious sin or not by hearing where hands were, what was stimulated, etc. Also, one could be "repentent" and one could not. One could even be DF'ed after confessing because the elders felt he/she was just coming forward to get out of trouble but not repentent while the other denies the charge and gets away with it. The reason would be that there is only one witness to the WT-defined sin.

  Is it possible they'll tell him to get engaged and set a marriage date or get DF'ed?

  No, especially if no sex took place.
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  dinah

  If it's a boy we're talking about, they won't ask many questions........he'll get a pat on the back. They will blame everything on the girl. I've seen it too many times. Make sure he tells his girlfriend to lose her inhibitions..........they'll make her sound like a letter to Penthouse Forum.
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  dinah

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/170614/1/Broken-vases-and-other-ways-we-are-made-to-feel-damaged

  If he wants his girl to feel like this go 'head on. I'm doubting you are real.
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  Out at Last!

  Also an issue that will come up is how many times they engaged in these actions. Just once can be overlooked and private reproof. If they occured several times their actions show they were not repentant because they did not confess to the almighty elders after the first occasion. And questions in graphic details will be asked, be ready for any question imaginable from these old guys who have to live their sex life through people they are going to punish. They truly are perverts, but make it all look righteous.
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  diamondiiz

  If it's a boy we're talking about, they won't ask many questions.

  That's not true. Maybe depending who the elders are but guys will get asked all the wierd shit as well. They will ask where you were, what you did, what was touched, where, how many times.........

  The kid should talk to his GF since she'll have to go through the same BS as he will if he goes forward and tells the elders. If he comes forward by himself, they will interigate her later and he might get reproved while she might get DF for not coming forward first. If he doesn't believe the crap he shouldn't go to the elders since it's really none of their F'n business. If he plans on moving out, that even better. If he moves out of his home territory and never goes to a new cong. the elders won't hunt him down until his perants force the issue - great way to fade IMO. If he does go forward it's probably best if they do it as a couple but really I would advise against telling elders anything.
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  dinah

  I would advise against telling elders anything

  Then how do the elders get their satisfaction? They DO get much more graphic with girls. Maybe because we have more parts to get stimulated? I was just trying to tell this guy to not put his GF through rape. Rape is a big word, but to a teenager describing in detail what happened, it freaking fits.

  I think that may be where I got my nasty mouth, and my lack of caring about what anyone thinks. Fuck, the whole congregation knew I got laid, might as well whore it up.
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  dinah

  Maybe depending who the elders are but guys will get asked all the wierd shit as well

  That speaks volumes..............just sayin'
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  HintOfLime

  When my ex-wife got into some trouble, she insisted on going to the elders to confess.

  She came out crying, and cried/screamed something like "That was the most humilliating experience in my life. I will never step foot in that place again."

  She refused to say anything more about what happened in there, and they certainly didn't help either of us sort things out in some rough times. But sure enough, she never set foot in that hall again. When we bumped into a couple elders from that hall at the grocery store some time later, as soon as they spotted us she spun around and practically ran to the car without speaking to either of them. I'm betting one of them was on the JC.

  So... just saying.. try to be prepared for the potential negative effects of this. You may go to find 'spiritual forgiveness' - what you're likely to find is an inquisition (funny, I don't remember Jesus demanding detailed accounts from the prostitutes he offered forgiveness to...).

  - Lime