Friend going to elders soon for a spankin' Any current / ex elders here?

by JerkhovahsWitless 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • freewilly01

    Unfortunately we used to have one specific elder that used to love to question about the sexual activity he was" really good " at interrogation . It left most of us very embarassed. I really hated his method's never had any respect for him cause I knew he was the first guy that would be involved in anything nasty in his own life. Later he was seen in a Porno store downtown perving out, he's still on my most disrespected hated elder list.

    Proudly when I left I made contact with those who I felt were unjustly disfellowshipped and apologized for such judgemental cruel treatment. A bunch of horny old guys who are clueless in really helping people work out their probs and just grabbing and twisting scriptures to fit their own interpetation of what is right and wrong, really scary.

  • JerkhovahsWitless

    Thanks everyone for your replies! Everyone is always so helpful on this forum. I'm going to share these posts with him probably tomorrow over the phone.

    I'm not sure what his plans are about the cult. He's been dating his girlfriend for well over a year and he's either in love or horny young JW and the desire to move away from parents love.

    He's still really young. I don't want to give out his age or too many details, but young enough that 30 yrs old is still a long ways away. I believe its this year he'll be finishing school. What he went to school for should land him a high paying job, so he has great potential to move away, make good money and fade. What all of us would do in his situation I think is obvious, but young JW love rots your brain.

    Oh, and I should have mentioned, he does plan on discussing it with his girlfriend prior to going to tell the creepy pervs about the first experience of his sex life.

    Dinah, I'm going to read through the posts on your thread to him also. It should give him a lot more to think about. I'm sorry you had to go through that. This organization is disgusting what it does to people.

    I'd like to give more details about his exact situation, but I don't want to betray his confidence by saying too much. If someone lurking strung my posts together and realized who I was, they may be able to figure out who he is. Yes, I know I'm paranoid.

  • Leprechaun

    Oh god, I have been there and done that what a mistake. I got involved with this lovely, after the fact she felt the insatiable need to confess herself to the elders, I told oh bull shit I don’t want to but I did like a chump. As it turned out, they decided to disfellowship us and they seemed to enjoy doing it a lot. So, after they tell us we will be disfellowshiped for having good whoopee, (she) says she wants to appeal it, I tell them not me, go ahead do your crap I don’t care, (which I didn’t). She drags it out, all the way through the appeal process like the stupid freak she is, rather than just enjoying what has happened, like most women she had to make a big production of it, I looked at her and said oh! Bitch Please!

  • sir82
    he'll at least have an idea of the best way to put on an academy award winning performance.

    What to talk about:

    He should talk a lot....A LOT.....about how ashamed he is that he has "brought reproach on Jehovah's name". He should talk about how devastated he is that he has damaged his relationship with Jehovah.

    Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah, and his relationship with him. After the initial confession, ALL of his focus should be Jehovah.

    He should also say that he has apologized to his girlfriend, her parents, his parents, and anyone else might have an idea of what took place.

    Tears might help, but a lot of elders are unmoved by them - they consider them "crocodile tears".

    What to avoid:

    Any sort of justification ("she was the agressor", for example).

    Talking about how much he would miss the friends if he were disfellowshipped, and how this act has affected or will affect him. The committee doesn't care about him - they care about "protecting the congregation" first of all. If they can "turn around" the guy, well, that's a nice little bonus, but it's not their primary concern.

    The elders will probably ask if he has prayed for forgiveness. You can play that 2 ways: (1) "Oh yes, on my knees 12 times a day, crying, begging, pleading for's the number one thing on my mind." ....or....(2) "I want to , but I feel so ashamed, I don't think Jehovah will hear me. Please, brothers, pray for me, I'm aching to restore my relationship with Jehovah..." Either one should be fine.

    Unfortunately a lot depends on the personalities of the 3 elders selected. Some guys have a "hanging judge" mentality, while others try to be a lenient as possible except for the most extreme situations. If you get 2 or 3 pr**ks on the committee, it won't much matter what he says.

    But the above hints would probably work on about 80% of the elders. If its his "first offense" and he sticks consistently to the script he will probably get a private reproof.

  • willyloman

    An ex-elder told me that his daughter once came to him and said she had done the nasty with her BF and, good elder that he was, he recommended she go see the elders in her congo and come clean. He told me it turned out to be the worst advice he'd ever given anyone and he deeply regretted it to this day. She was humiliated and bore the scars for a long time. He said that he now realized it was no one else's business and he wishes he had told his daughter to work it out privately and move forward. I suggested he tell his daughter how his thinking had changed and apologize, which he did.

    Later, he told me she appreciated his mea culpa. But she also told him she felt she had no choice about going to the elders because... you guessed it!... the BF had told her he was going to talk to the elders in his congo (in another city) and they'd report back to her elder body. So she was pressured into humiliating herself and no advice the father had given would have changed the circumstances.

    That's how awful this religion is in terms of its impact on people's lives.

  • JerkhovahsWitless

    If one gets DFed and the other reproved, is there some made up JW law that lets them continue their relationship if they've been thinking about marriage or does that end their relationship until the DFed one gets reinstated?

    More than likely whatever punishment the one gets, the other probably will get the same or is it all a random event dependent upon which elders are doing the judging?

  • monkeyman


    Tell your "friend" to Listen to Sir82................verrry good advice. Sounds goofy but true.

    If you get lucky with the committe chosen, you will have good results. But if you get some assholes with agendas and an inability to discern, they will judge by numbers. (Cuz its easy)

    "How many time did you do the nasty?" Only once? OK then, you get reproved. "Twice? Holy shit! You must not be repentent. DF for you!

    Meeting over.

    If one gets DFed and the other reproved, is there some made up JW law that lets them continue their relationship if they've been thinking about marriage or does that end their relationship until the DFed one gets reinstated?

    In this no win situation............the Non DF'd one will be told not to associate with the DF one. (Yeah right) If you do, YOU will be DF for associating with a DF person.

    Have fun!

  • JerkhovahsWitless

    I just finished talking to him and well... let's hope he ends up with elders that are liberal.

    He's going to be as repentant seeming as possible, despite not really being repentant. Not totally sure if he's going to tell them or not yet. He has to talk to his GF.

    He really appreciated everyone's advice and experiences and wanted me to thank everyone. I'd also like to thank everyone for helping me help him out.

    He's the only friend I have in this cult who I've known for years that's an acutal friend because he's not drinking the kool-aid, so it means a lot to me that everyone helped out with so much info.

  • freddo

    What sir 82 said. If your friend and gf can really really be sure they won't blab in the future then don't go.

    BTW - a BJ/Oral/Handjob all count as the "real deal" in JWland but you could play the "I didn't know it was something I needed to see the elders about" card and then go all super-repentant if you keep quiet and then get busted later.

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