by cantleave 28 Replies latest jw friends
"I still want to stop and say hello if I see a group of witnesses on the street."
My problem is, I want to run them over with my car which shows I'm still having emotional connection issues.
"But officer, it was an accident. I was on my cell phone and didn't see them as my car mowed them all down. I only backed up twice to see what I hit with me tire and scrape the debris off my underside. I swear on a stack of NWT's"
I think we need to separate some of the issues.
Mind Control shows its ugly face when we still fall for the BS. But if you are reading their material or sitting in a meeting and can see through it the mind control is broken. Blondie's "Things you won't hear. . . " WT meeting notes can be a huge help in learning to see through the BS.
Fear is a part of the way they controlled your mind. So if you are still living in fear of the elders or of how your family will react then there is a degree of control but that doesn't mean they are controlling your mind. That is control of emotions -- using fear to control behavior.
Anger is a part of the recovery process. We should be angry at how we were manipulated into handing over our lives for a false dream. We have every right to be angry. But we also need to use that anger to move us forward in a constructive way (going back to school, doing some of the things that we were forbidden to do like celebrating holidays without guilt, etc.) not destructive (hurting ourselves through substance abuse, or hurting others).
We need to find ways to celebrate our freedom, notice the small changes, like doing something for the first time without fear or guilt, and forgive ourselves for not realizing that we were in a cult sooner. Be kind to yourself. It isn't easy7 to leave. There are often many sacrifices we must make like leaving family behind, being branded an apostate, or giving up dear friends. When we see ourselves doing those things then you are free.
That isn't to say new issues won't come up sometimes. They will. We read something or hear some news, or find out a family member got married or died and no one told us. But that doesn't mean we are still in bondage. It's just one more layer of recovery we must go through. And let me tell you it really does get easier.
I suppose that, when free, you can still believe that someone can be a good person without necessarily being a witness.
I agree with Farkel. Everything he said is 100% true.
I left over 12 years ago. I was born in 4th generation. I think my succes has more to do with the fact that I never was a "true believer" to begin with. I was in because my whole family was, and it was all I knew. Once my mind was opened to the outside world, and I started living a double life before I left, it was a matter of time for me. I left and never thought about it again until about 5 years ago. I had a bad experiance with an elder at my uncles deathbed. I went home and googled JW's. I found this board. I have been working through any issues that have come up on my own already for years so this board was more social for me than helpful as an exit tool.
Nice post, Lady Lee. Thank you for your comments!
When I drive by a KH, my greatest curiosity is whether this one has windows or not...
Good points brought out by everybody. I have found within myself after being out for 6 years that I no longer feel guilty about occasionally cussing. I don't feel needless guilt for not attending ANY religious event. I feel no guilt about not knowing if there is a God or not. I sleep in Saturday mornings with my wife and make love instead of making disciples and I don't think twice about what I USED to do on Saturdays - return visits and door to door work.
I'm not afraid of an alleged " Armageddon " anymore. I don't fear it because it's not real- doesn't exist. I have no fear of Jehovah's Witnesses coming to my door as I try to talk with them and open THEIR minds up to the real facts of life dealing with reality. I control the conversations - not them. So essentially I refuse to let them control my mind with their verbal spew. I realize THEY are the ones deluded , not me - so I keep that in mind while talking with them like you would to someone who just woke up out of a coma for 30 years- with dignity and respect . THey can't help themselves.
Also , like Farkel said - I avoid saying I was " in the truth " , I say I was a Jehovah's Witness when talking about the past. I avoid calling people " worldly " who aren't witnesses, I call them non-witnesses. I rarely if ever refer to any of the past people I knew as " brothers " or " sisters " - I call them people I used to know in the congregations. I feel NOT using the catch phrases helps move on beyond the mind control
I can read through a mag or sit through a meeting and instantly see through the BS. Very rarely read them, last time about 2 months ago, saw through the BS. Not been to KH for 8 years.
I can watch the news without thinking is this a part of the composite sign. Don't do that anymore
I see people for what they are without trying to pigoen hole them. OK
I'm not worried what the elders think. Can't think when I really did.
I don't notice Kingdom Hall if driving through a new place. OK
I don't want to stop and say hello if I see a group of witnesses on the street. Why bother
However,
I still show too much interest if I see something about a JW in the media. (probably always will)
How do you guys and gals measure the progress of your exit from the cult?
Flipper who referred to Farkel's post was right on with this
Also , like Farkel said - I avoid saying I was " in the truth " , I say I was a Jehovah's Witness when talking about the past. I avoid calling people " worldly " who aren't witnesses, I call them non-witnesses. I rarely if ever refer to any of the past people I knew as " brothers " or " sisters " - I call them people I used to know in the congregations. I feel NOT using the catch phrases helps move on beyond the mind control. Peace out, Mr. Flipper
We do need to get WT-speak out of our vocabulary. Using "loaded language" is a mind control technique and will keep you under their control to a certain extent.
I have been a 'fader' since 2001. For the most part I can say that I am free from the mind control. I have no concerns what anybody there thinks of me. They were never my friends anyway so it is really no loss. I have made friends on the outside and have reconnected with relatives in recent years.
Recently, I was looking through facebook at the friends of some friends of non-baptized JW adult children I have known for years. (These people are the luckiest because they always were under the radar because they never got baptized and did what they wanted and were always invited places because their mother is an active JW.) Anyway, when I was looking at the lists of friends of friends and who married who, I felt a little sad like I was on the outside looking in. Then I realized that even if I was active in the religion, I was on the fringes anyway because I work full-time. Many of these friends of friends were born-ins and would never see eye-to-eye with me since I was not a born-in but came in as a young adult! I was always aware of the subtle distinction and bias against people who were not born-in and who came in as adults. The only exception being if they came on like gangbusters and did the pioneer thing and went around doing favors for all the users. So, I realize that even if I had not found out the religion's scandals on the internet and was STILL trapped and wasting time in the religion (gives me nightmares), I would still not REALLY have been accepted!!!
It was nice to come to my senses.
