Serious advice needed... being df'd without the brothers hearing my side???

by edlewiese 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • edlewiese
    edlewiese

    Ok I have asked several of my friends and they have never heard of being chased by a committee before. So I am hoping someone has some insight.

    I'll give you background and yes I am not innocent in the situation but what I was raised to believe is being contradicted by the actions of the elders.

    8 months ago I left my emotionally and verbally abusive husband of 15 years. Through the marriage he was inactive and did lot's of things including strip clubs, saying he didn't believe everything that was taught, holidays with his friends.. while I kept on being active and being very isolated from the fold because of the husband.

    I left when I found out that he had lap dances at a strip club.. to me that was grounds and I had my freedom. I quietly left because I felt if I stayed in the marriage I would be instituted. I never recieved help from the brothers while I was married so figured I would not go to them regarding the divorce to only be told I was wrong and needed to stay in in the abusive situation.

    After I left I met a man and have been with him for 6 months. He treats me wonderfully. While my ex was dropping off some things he stated that he knew I had moved on with my life and asked if he could and had me sign a letter stating he was scriptually free. I have never been able to stand up to this man and coward and do whatever he says.. same old same old... So yes I did the letter.

    In the meantime he has reactivated himself.. he supposedly went to the brothers and told them everything including the lap dances and they shrug it off...

    So in Oct I received a letter stating that they wanted to meet with me in 2 days in a judicial committee for a known wrong doing. I just had surgery and told them I couldn't until the end of the year. And when I was ready to meet with them it would be with the local brothers vs.. a congregation 45 minutes away.

    I have just heard that they are again wanting to meet with me in a week charges pornea/adultery... where do they get pornea!!! And that if I don't meet with them they'll hold a judicial meeting and making a decision on what they think they know.

    Here is the situation.. I thought that if we did something that needed to be cleared up and wanted to remain part of the congregation that we were to go to the brothers on our own accord... I have never heard of and neither has my friends heard of being chased by the brothers...

    Also I always understood that they have to meet with you to make the decision of disfellowshipping. I am not mentally ready to meet with the them.

    The only thing I can think of is that these brothers are close friends of my ex-father in law that is an elder and my mil that has been a regular pioneer for 25 years in a neighboring congregation.

    Has there been any successful lawsuits for being df'd without being met with?

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt

    If three elders agree on it, they can do whatever they want. This has happened many times before.

    Welcome to the forum!

  • Magwitch
    Magwitch

    Your situation is very similiar to what mine was. I am sending you a PM

  • edlewiese
    edlewiese

    I don't think that would be really how J would want it.. I am now seeing why so many leave... So then if they have already decided then what is the point of me meeting with them...

    Anyone know a good lawyer to get them on slander

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt
    I don't think that would be really how J would want it

    You see, these guys are covering their own butts. It's officially referred to as 'keeping the congregation clean'. They need a neat report for when the Circuit Overseer visits.

    Cults shoot their wounded.

  • edlewiese
    edlewiese

    My dad is going to be devastated.. Although he was upset I signed the letter... Here I thought I was just being honest and not covering up anything. I don't know how my dad is going to react because he his a servant

  • Slayerbard
    Slayerbard

    Honestly it's an old boys club. Your husband get a free pass for being a jerk. and You find a man who treats you wonderful, and they will hang you out to dry for it. It's typical. Women are always told in abusive situations to "be a better wife". Like it is some how all your fault.. typicial. Could it be that your husband implied that since his lap dances were really "grounds" in their eyes, that your moving on with someone else is what gave him grounds. Could be he set you up like that. "Hey I just had a few lap dances..she gone and fell in love to a guy who treats her wonderfully! HOw dare she!! See she sign this, saying I free"

  • sir82
    sir82

    Sounds like they just want to "clean up" the situation. Maybe the CO is coming soon, and it looks "better" to have someone DF'ed instead of just inactive.

    As noted above - if the 3 guys decide to do something, there's little to stop them.

  • Gayle
    Gayle

    My brother gave a letter from his lawyer. They never "announced" his name on the platform. Several have sent/given their attorney letter and no "announcement" is made. Of course, the gossip travels as it does one way or another anyway, but it blocks a public "decree" which we know is their form of character assassination. Of course, this has to be done 'before' the possibility/probability of the announcement. You can get an attorney service to send a letter at a reasonable rate. I am sending a PM.

    http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/184645/1/Lawyer-Letter-copy-to-Judicial-Committee

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    If they already have the letter why do they need to meet her? I don't think it's a good idea. I would not meet with them.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit