Serious advice needed... being df'd without the brothers hearing my side???

by edlewiese 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Scully

  I should have mentioned, along with everyone else who acknowledges the WTS to be the good-ole-boys-club that it is, that regardless of your ex-husband's dalliances with pornography and lap-dances at strip clubs (which legally are grounds for divorce, but not a Scriptural Divorce™ according to the WTS), the Elders™ would likely try to shift the blame to you for whatever your husband did. They'll claim that if you were Rendering The Marital Due™ properly and being a proper Submissive Wife™ that your ex-husband would not have "needed" to seek alternate forms of "entertainment". It won't matter if you kept a spotless house, went in Service™ for 20 hours a week, made gourmet dinners for him and "put out" whenever and where-ever he wanted it, the fundamental belief is that if a person has a penis, then they are always in the right, and if a person does not have a penis, then they are always to blame for anything that goes wrong in a marriage.

  Yes, it's going to suck to lose contact with your JW relatives, but since they actively support this toxic misogynistic belief system rather than their own flesh and blood, maybe less contact with them would be a good thing.

  Be happy. You have someone who treats you like gold. Enjoy that.
• 

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  Edleweise: "saying he didn't believe everything that was taught"

  Did he mention anything specific? Perhaps he's really an apostate in their midst that spiritually stumbled you and now will move on to spiritually endanger another sister.

  Unfortunately, with what you've given them, I would assume that they will DF without you attending, unless you show up with a tearfully repentant plea and promise to be a perfect JW drone.

  And Welcome to the forum!
• 

  WuzLovesDubs

  Well since you ADMITTED basically committing adultery to free his sorry ass...they dont really need anything else. Its like you disassociated. So DFing you whether you show up or not seems inevitable. You could try getting married, and pretending to care enough to get yourself reinstated a year down the road if it means that much to you. Thats what a lot of JWs I know did. They basically screwed around, got DFed and had their cake and ate it too by getting married and not being free and gettin reinstated after eating shit for a year.
• 

  GLTirebiter

  edlewiese, I'm sorry you're in this situation. Because the elders already have a bias against you, you're likely to end up DF no matter how you go about this.

  Do consider using the letter from your attorney as others have suggested. But at the same time, consider if you're really willing to follow through in court if it comes to that: there are considerable emotional, legal, and financial risks with a lawsuit. This means getting professional legal advice, which I'm not qualified to offer.

  Another thing you didn't mention: I'm assuming your new man is not in the organization (if he was, the committee probably would be after both of you). Be sure he understands what is going on, the possible consequence of losing contact with family and friends, etc. Most outside the organization don't understand that part of Witness life, and may not even believe it until they experience it first hand. He will need your support as much as you need his; be true partners to each other to make it through this ordeal together.

  However, I don't want to meet with these men.. I feel like you are answering to them not to Jehovah.

  I agree with that statement! Tell them you will not meet with them, because you do not answer to them--only to God. Your original post talked about "moving on with your life"; that is exactly what you should do: take charge of your own life again. As my divorce lawyer told me, "The best response to bad behavior is living your life well."

  Good luck, and be strong.