I'm starting to tell on my husband (page 2)

Balsam

Tiffy, living through emotional abuse is pretty aweful and I hope you can get free from it soon. The JW will assure your husband his treatment of you will bring you back to the fold. It only shows how evil the religion can be and it welcomes abuse of its familiy members if they don't comply. If you can out last him perhaps he will break down and leave. Oh goodness the situation is even worse because of you ages. Don't pay for anything for him, he sounds like a complete ass. Sadly that kind of behavior is encouraged in the so called brothers.

Ruth

garyneal

It's too bad your wife won't talk to some of us on JWN.

Unfortunately, she thinks you all are a bunch of 'evil apostates' and that I should not be associating with you all in any way. I guess the one thing she is right about is how I am affected by all of this. When I see bad things happening to good people, it really tears me apart and makes me want to demand that bad people should pay for their transgressions. Other than that, I see nothing wrong with my being on this network. I guess I am an 'opposer' and an 'unbeliever' associating with a bunch of 'apostates.'

I remember a scripture that says if a man cannot provide for his own family, he is like a man without faith and should be removed from the congregation. I am 63 years old and still have to work while he is retired and enjoying life.

Yes, that scriptures states that if someone cannot provide for his immediate family then he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. Reminds me a bit of my aunt who was attending a fundamentalist church I use to attend. Her husband was abusive to her and neglected her needs and she deteriorated physically for it. When she finally decided to get out of the marraige, her husband all of a sudden 'found Christ' and started attending that fundy church. This was about the time I started attending it and I recall some of the people in the church telling me that my aunt needed to go back to her husband. I said, "You don't understand what my aunt went through, so you have no right to judge her like that." Still, he kept up the charade for a few months until he realized that she wasn't coming back and eventually, he stopped attending church altogether.

tiffy0212

I might call the elders after the first of the year. I don't want to ruin Christmas for my children and grandchildren. They have to know something is wrong unless he puts on his christian personality. Really in his head he thinks he is right. I have been married for a long time and I don't even know what we have in the bank. Not allowed to even go there. My name is on accounts only for legal reasons. What a jerk he is. I do have a letter that I wrote to the circuit overseer and the main office. He said that if I sent it they would laugh in my face and I would make a fool of myself. If only he knew I have copies of all bank records, 401k plan that I had, and had to cash in because I needed to the money to support myself, all of he nasty notes, and yes all utilities are in my name that he has never put in his name. Maybe I am the stupid one letting him get away with this.

Tiffy

nugget

I am so sorry for you. Bullying is dreadful whether physical abuse or mental. Your husband sounds controlling but no one can tell you what to do for the best as you are the one who will live with any of the consequences.

When abuse goes on for a long time it affects your self esteem and self belief. I was bullied at work for a long time and realised that the only solution was to get out before I was totally destroyed mentally. This was easier for me as I had my husband's support.

I would be tempted to start an escape fund putting small amounts in an account just for you and letting it build. You may never leave him but this will give you the option. If the other accounts are in your name so you may have some control over them.

Thinking of you

palmtree67

Wow, tiffy.

Your husband sounds exactly like my ex (I just got my divorce last week). He also made me pay for everything for me and the kids, I never knew what was going on with finances, and just before I left him, he moved everything into accounts that I had no access to. I left with my clothes in the back of my truck and $800 to show for a 22 year marriage.

And ya, the JW's will support him, not you.

After 15 years of trying to get him to smarten up, it was only after I left that he said he would change. But by then, I had had enough and just wanted out. It was not fair of him to fight me for years and then when I gave up to suddenly decide to get on board.

Good luck to you, it is better on the other side.

tiffy0212

Palmtree,

Guess we were in the same boat. Back in 1984 he took all money out of my name and left me and the kids. By the way he was a elder when he did this. Only one brother at the hall borrowed me money, the rest of the time I was on welfare. The only thing the brothers did was remove him as a elder. He was gone for about 9 months and then came back. Me and the kids never walked back into the hall. He left because my daughter did not want to attend anymore. She had no friends and was very lonely. He stopped talking to her and that crushed her. What a life. I can hardly believe that the brothers and your husband's hall did nothing to him. By the way I think they were okay with us leaving after all he is the contributor every month and I had no money.

I got myself a job and worked full time for 20 years and kept my own checking account. I would never put money in his accounts because of what he did to me. That really makes him angry. He said we are one. Yeah right only when it comes to money. Does he think I am stupid.?

I even sleep in the basement because he will get up at 4:00 in the morning to read his books and wakes me up. Hey, after all I am the one going to work I need my rest.

What made you get a divorce?

Tiffy

palmtree67

I got a divorce because otherwise, I would've killed myself.

I waited until my kids were older and I waited as long as I could stand it. I wish I could've lasted a few more years, but I thought it was better for my kids to have an alive mother, than parents who were divorced.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done, leaving him.

To this day, he still intimidates and bullies me. I have a court injunction that the only communication he can have with me is through lawyers.

Some nights after I left, the only way I could sleep was to repeat to myself, "I am safe tonight. I have a place to sleep tonight. Tonight I am safe."

That was almost two years ago. Yes, it was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I haven't regretted it. I am a smart, funny, intelligent woman and I will never again wake up next to a man who doesn't worship the ground I walk on and think that he is lucky to be with me.

I still pray. I am praying for you tonight.

meangirl

I just wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through this. Your husbands sounds like a real ass, which explains why he is a witness!!! He is probably part of the boys club at the hall and fits in quite nicely! Please keep us posted on your situation.

hamsterbait

Tiffy - The only way to change your husbands relationship with you is to CHANGE YOURSELF. You cannot and will not make him into another person.

If you survive by working and paying for everything and maintaining yourself in spite of his cruelty get rid of the SHITTY BASTARD, and set an example of self-respect and assertiveness to your kids.

Either that or stop whining about it, because there is no gun at your head to force you to stay.

perhaps your life script requires a lousy marriage??

HB

Slayerbard

Tiff all I can say is he can't walk on you if you don't lay down and let him.

Elders don't care how he treats you I'm sure, cause your not "in the group" and lord knows what he says about you to them. I'm even heard of ELDERS making tapes of there wives after they got them all worked up and agry to tell on them and make themselve look good. So I agree, if it's that bad, obviously he doesn't really love you..wipe the dust off your feet and move on. You have to be your own advicate, he obviously won't be and the elders won't be either, in there mind it's all your fault. Stupid old boys club.

I'm starting to tell on my husband

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