my cousin's brother sends a card...grrrrr

by Mulan 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • Mulan

    My cousin, Sharon, who died in September.......was disfellowshipped three years ago. Her brother is still a witness, and wrote a thank you card to an elder in the congregation here. This elder and his wife came to visit Sharon a few days before she died, and before she started to lose her ability to make sense when she talked. She was so happy to see him, and hugged him. Someone told her brother that he had done that so he sent a card last week. This is what the card said.......I am taking out the names, of course, and my comments are in parentheses. (the elder's wife is a close friend of mine, and she showed it to me, and let me keep it)

    Dear Brother **,
    Just a few words to "thank you". I had heard that you had made a personal visit to my sister just hours before she died (five days actually). Truly appreciate that gesture. They tell me that she called out for me.....I wasn't there. (I don't remember this) It was difficult to speak over the phone to her, but she did recognize my voice (I was holding the phone for her, and talking to M***at the same time........ they didn't have a conversation that made any sense) In view of questions from readers in December 1, 2001 Watchtower, it is good to leaving judging to Jehovah because she had been expelled from congregation. I sometimes wonder if the cancer had affected her mind at that time??!! (the cancer was in her brain a year earlier, not 2 and half years earlier) Anyway she paid the price Rom. 6:23. I liked the WT comments, next to last par: "Jehovah will act toward the sinner (Sharon a sinner??) in harmony with his will." Ps. 44:21; Eccl. 12:14. Thanks again my brother. Give greetings to *******. With you in the faith.
    M*** ********** (brother to Sharon Kennedy)

    Are you as disgusted by this as I am? I think I will write him a letter about what he said about Sharon's cancer in the brain. It pisses me off to think that they are STILL acting like she didn't know what she was doing, when she left the Borg.

    Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)

  • ashitaka


    what else is there to say. no respect, even for the dead.

  • tyydyy

    It's difficult for me to comment on this because it is so painful. I see some of the same reasoning in some of my own relatives. I can see my own sister acting the same way if I were on my deathbed. That is a painful thought. It is heartrending to think that a brother did not only sit by his sister on here deathbed but that he would condemn her at the same time. I could never abandon my sister even if she didn't want me around. I would be just outside the door.

    I sometimes forget just how unloving the organization and it's followers can be.

    Please accept my sympathy for the pain you must be feeling.


    PS. That reminds me. I need to find my brother that got DF'd 20 yrs ago. Thank you

  • RunningMan

    JW's must always find a reason for why a person left. Brain cancer
    is an excellent excuse. Usually, they say something like "They know
    it's the truth, they just love the world too much", or some other such

    It is impossible for them to believe that anyone could know their
    doctrines and not agree with them. If they ever recognized the fact
    that many people understand their teachings, and find them lacking,
    it would shake their world.

  • puppylove


    So sorry to hear of this fresh new hurt. How painful this must be in addition to her death.


    ps. What was that question from readers about?

  • Julie

    What's the word I am thinking of.....? Oh yes, "asshole".

    Hugs to you Marilyn--sorry to hear--send him a swift kick in the pants from me--or better yet, send him here.... ...serious lesson in manners needed. I can help.


  • Scully

    I read Sharon's story on a website recently. Her experience really touched me, and I was terribly saddened to learn that she had died.

    What was written in the card is truly a reflection of the narrow-mindedness of the writer, and the JW community at large. He probably thinks that to ascribe Sharon's defection from the JWs to a physical ailment (like brain cancer) is a loving way of giving her the benefit of the doubt for her actions. I would ask him, if you do end up writing to him, whether this belief of his would be sufficient for the congregation to reverse its decision to disfellowship her. After all, disfellowshipping is supposed to be a means of disciplining a wilful sinner; and if you have cancer in your brain which interferes with your thought processes, it hardly constitutes a 'wilful' deliberate choice.

    I've seen this happen a few times, in my own case as well. Several years after I left the JWs, after going through 2 years of hell at their hands along with post-partum depression, my mom commented that she 'knew' that I quit because I was depressed, completely ignoring the horrible treatment that I was subjected to by 'brothers' and 'sisters'. Her belief is that because I had a chemical imbalance in my brain, I must have imagined all the other stuff that happened. In other words, I was 'crazy' and 'not responsible' for my choice to leave the JWs.

    It's their way of clinging to the notion that it there is nothing wrong with them or the organization; that only someone who is out of their mind or just plain evil would want to leave of their own accord.

    The single most offensive line in that letter (IMO) is "Anyway she paid the price Rom 6:23". I would certainly ask him that if we are still required to "pay the price Rom 6:23" then what was the point of Christ's ransom? Didn't he die to take sin away from "the world"?? I really wish they would get off their blankety-blank high horse and listen to themselves talk sometimes.

    Love, Scully

    It is not persecution for an informed person to expose a certain religion as being false. - WT 11/15/63

  • GoldDustWoman


    There is so much to be said about this "Thank You" note that I really don't know where to begin.

    I am mired in a quandry about how to respond. There is the "He's in the clutches of a mind-controlling cult and has been been programmed to respond in such an absolutely heartless way" stance. That way one doesn't have to hold him responsible for such a card. Curses to the WTS.

    The other is "what a complete unfeeling cretin". To imply that her illness was Jehovahs judgment on her for leaving the WTS is so sinisterly depraved that any reasonable person (I like to think I am one MOST of the time) would have to resist mightly not to punch him dead in the face.

    What about all the chidren of devoted witnesses that are victims of cancer? How does one explain that judgement?

    It's probably a mixture of both. He's a creep and a JW. What a combination!

    Respond if you feel the need to set the record straight with him. As evidenced by what he has written, I doubt whether it will do any good other than to get what you want to say off your chest.

    Please let me express my sympathies for the loss of your dear cousin, Sharon.


  • nelly136

    this is one of the reasons my jw relatives will
    not be at my funeral, in my own mind I am walking dead to them already
    they dont need to be at the party for the free drinks after
    shedding apearance tears to show their fake sorrow to my friends
    while they use the occassion to sales pitch some crappy tracts.
    your cousin Sharon will be respected and remembered by those who really cared, the others are not important theyre just sideline vultures, they cant hurt her any more mulan shes at peace now, at least she didnt get to see that card.

  • Reborn2002

    Mulan, my heart goes out to you. Even in death they insult others to uphold their self-righteous ideals.

    Denial is a very powerful force, it afflicts well over 6 million people daily. :P

    They HAVE to find an excuse for why someone left "The Organization" For someone possessing a "rational mind" to leave and to hold their moral principles and leave only because they do not believe the doctrine or practices buried deep within the Society... it would completely absolve all that they are fighting for.

    I was an outgoing, loving person in my congregation, and like the examples I have read on this site, silentlambs for example.. he left because of what was WRONG with the organization that is allegedly inspired by God through the FDS. Yet, they undoubtedly murmur to one another and instruct the Rank&File that such ones are Apostates and leave because they do not love God. Its a sickening scenario, but unfortunately it is all too real.

    I encourage you to write the letter. For you to consciously hide your emotions in this matter would be a crime within itself.

    The true Kingdom of God is located in your heart, not an organization of hypocrites. for my new webpage and info!! Im trying to live now!!

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