How do I help my kids not buy into the JW thing?

by Judc 35 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Judc

  Hi,

  First a little bit about myself. I'm not a JW. Never have been. But I'm married to a JW lady who is very dedicated to it all. I've pretty much let her do her thing without hassling her. We have young kids, however, and she's got them fully involved in the congregation activities.

  The congregation thing in itself doesn't bother me too much. The opting-out of certain school activities kind of does, however. But I've largely gone along with it. I'm still a bit conflicted about this.

  Most of all I just want my kids to learn take it all with a grain of salt. I don't mind them going along with all the meeting thing, etc. for now but at some point when they're old enough I want them to be able to decide for themselves what they will want to do. I just want to lay the right groundwork for that time.

  Does anyone out there have experience with this?

  The fact that I don't go to meetings, etc. while mom and the kids do is still sort of a mystery to my kids. I want to be able to explain to them why I'm not involved, and at the same time build credibility for my position in their minds. Right now all they hear is that not going to meetings is a bad thing.

  I really need a plan on a path forward here because just laying low isn't an option anymore.

  Thank you for any tips.
• 

  Finally-Free

  The watchtower teaches that unbelieving mates (that's you) will die at armageddon because you don't love or serve Jehovah. They're very black and white about this. They believe that every human either worships Jehovah or Satan. There is no middle ground. The end result is that everything you say to them, no matter how well meaning, will be taken with a grain of salt because you are, according to them, controlled by Satan.

  Personally I would do everything possible to keep them away from a kingdom hall as long as they are minors.

  W
• 

  Nathan Natas

  Buy a Ouija board and announce that henceforth, Saturday night will be family "game" night.

  I'm only half-joking.

  The JWs offer a greater threat to your family's long-term happiness than you've yet realized. They're a CULT that offers EVERLASTING LIFE to anyone who faithfully follows the dictates of a sock-puppet in Brooklyn, NY. The problem is that this sock-puppet has some powerful invisible imaginary friends - No, not Jesus and Jehovah - but FUD - FEAR, UNCERTAINTY and DOUBT.

  We live in dangerous times. (Man has ALWAYS lived in "dangerous times," but that's another discussion.) People worry about war, the economy, taxes, terrorism, etc., etc.

  The best protection you can offer your kids is education. teach them to think rationally. teach them to be gentle with their superstitious mother, who means well but is being misled.

  Stick by your kids and don't ever give up. Be INVOLVED. Take them to the movies on meeting nights. Take them for ice-cream on meeting nights, take them to the park on meeting nights. Watch their favorite TV programs with them on meeting nights. Let them have their friends come over on meeting nights.

  Get the hint? KEEP THEM AWAY FROM THOSE MEETINGS!
• 

  aSphereisnotaCircle

  JW children are taught that who they are is bad and they need to become something else to be loved by god.

  They are taught that their own natural desires and feelings are bad and that they SHOULD feel and think in the way that the society prescribes.

  They are taught not to trust themselves, to only trust the society.

  Children rasied in JW land will not learn good healthy self-esteem, because emotionally healthy people do not make good obediant members.

  GO to an assembly, go to the meetings, see how much they emphasize OBEDIANCE to themselves, unquestioning obediance! Is that what you want for your children?
• 

  undercover

  I can't speak from experience but my feeling is that for every JW event that she takes them to you should be allowed the same time to give them knowledge/experience in other faiths/beliefs/cultures.

  That's trying to be fair to both sides...

  Now, most of us here are ex-JWs or disgruntled JWs and have a more negative outlook on JWs than the average person who doesn't know that much about them. With that in mind, most here will probably tell you to not let your kids become too indoctrinated in the JW belief system. I agree to a point, however, I think kids who are given choices, most of them will choose freedom of thought, mind and action over the oppressive and repressive regiment of the strict JW lifestyle.

  That's where you come in. You can't be complacent, letting her take the kids to all JW meetings, in the door to door ministry and associating with only other JWs and you just sitting by and hoping they don't get too involved. You have to give them oppurtunities to associate with "normal" kids and to enjoy things that maybe on a forbidden list for the JWs. You can use your not going to the hall and not being a JW to explain to them that not everyone has to be a JW to be accepted by God or anyone else. If you do go to another church, take them with you to experience it.

  Also, encourage education, especially college. If they have college as their goal after graduating high school, this can help as the JW faith counsels against going to college. They want their kids to graduate high school and go straight to knocking on doors or serving at the corporation's pleasure. If they have college in front of them, once they get there, the odds of remaining active in the JW faith is very slim.

  Hope this helps....good luck, but I think you'll be okay. You can easily give them choices that are more enticing than joining a religious cult.
• 

  PSacramento

  Its not easy keeping the JW hooks out of children, I know, I go through it almost everyday because my mom ( A JW) takes care of my eldest for a couple of hours everymorning before school.

  So every night I have to "refute" JW doctrine.

  How do I do it?

  Bible.

  I get it and show her how what the bible says, it can be confusing at times for her as the NWT is a custom tailored bible for the JW's so many times my little one says that "grandma's bible says this" and I then have to explain how Grandma's bible was made by people to conform to thier beliefs and not the other way around.

  Its hard sometimes, very hard.
• 

  aSphereisnotaCircle

  I think kids who are given choices, most of them will choose freedom of thought, mind and action over the oppressive and repressive regiment of the strict JW lifestyle.

  I agree with undercover.

  You cannot be complacent, you must give your children choices.

  Kids are smart, they can detect bullshit if they are taught logical thought. But if all their taught is bullshit, then they will never know it's bullshit, because they are constantly being told that it is not bullshit.

  If you teach them self esteem and rational thought, they will see the bs for what it is.
• 

  Gayle

  You will have to get very involved with your children, with simple positive activities. Sports and every extracurricular, in school or other. Let them have a school friend over. Let them know and understand that there 'good' people other than just JWs. They will be drawn to your freedom and positive spirit. Let them know at some point that you just can't believe God is going to destroy everybody (& children) that aren't JWs, just doesn't make sense. Actually, if you show much positive evidence with effort and energy to your children and teach them about the "unconditional love" you have for them no matter what (they will not hear such in JWdom), I think you would have at least 90+% chance of success. Know you can do it!
• 

  VIII

  The focusing on sports and every extra curricular activity along with an emphasis on education beyond HS is critical. Since the JWs really push that education is bad as well as the evil influence of other *worldly* children, your kids need to see that this position of the JWs is pure and total crap, baloney and hogwash. They push that extra curricular activites be stopped because of the time it takes away from Field Service and Jehovah. (gag) If your kids tell you they enjoy Field Service, they are totally lying. Ask they truthfully, when your wife is not around. I guarantee you they hate it.

  I'm sure they don't like going to the meetings either and wish you would get your wife off their backs. Why not push your wife a little? You, as the man, are Head of the Household, according to the JWs. You can make all the decisions and she is supposed to go along with them. (They are sexist bastards, BTW) This is the only time I would ever say be a sexist bastard) In this case, it could save your family.

  A Cult such as the JWs will do everything it can to isolate them and make them feel that anyone outside of the Organization is evil and bad. This simply is not true. We all know that (now). These outside influences will allow your children to see you, their own father, as not being evil and bad. This will also give them the open minds they will need to attend college and hopefully not get baptized and hopefully leave the Organization. Hopefully your wife will also someday.

  Leaving a Cult is difficult, however, it can be done. The key is not letting your children get sucked in if you can stop it in any way.
• 

  cantleave

  I don't know how old your children are, but if they can reason things out, give some things to reason on. Show them websites like this and freeminds.org. If your wife is studying with them, you should too. I would have loved to study crisis of conscience when I was a kid! Encourage them to celebrate Christmas and birthdays, allow them to socialise with kids at school, allowing them to go parties.

  I was raised a witness by my mum, my dad didn't get a look in ,and fell for it hook, line and sinker, I didn't break free until I was 42. Don't let your kids end up wasting half their lives on a pack of lies.