For Active JW Men: Ideas on Awakening Your JW Spouse (Long post)

by Open mind 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • dgp


  • zarco

    Almost swimming weather in the Chatham Island. Maybe another week... if you want some sun, it is a short three thousand mile flight :)

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    bttt as a counterpoint to Terry's thread. FCC "equal time" rules spring to mind.


  • goingthruthemotions
  • Israel Ricky Gonzales
    Israel Ricky Gonzales

    I was a respected ministerial servant when I started waking up to TTATT. I never once wanted to share anything with my wife because it was too traumatic for me. I didn't want to traumatize her at the same time. But she kept prodding me why I wasn't myself and so I shared a morsel with her. Rinse and repeat a few week later. Rinse and repeat a few week later, again. Well, my wife ended up giving me the ultimatum: go to the elders or I will because it's my spiritual obligation.

    In that process, the elders turned their back on me and did some pretty hurtful things to me, eventually disfellowshipping me. By that time, I didn't want to be a JW anyways, but I didn't want my family ripped away from me either.

    There is no easy way, nor is there a tried and true method in waking up a spouse. I've heard before: The JW's are in love with the organization. Who breaks up with someone they are in love with? Only until they fall out of love with the organization will they be ready to wake up.

    Those are wise words in my opinion. NOTHING will work until they are ready. Unfortunately, my wife is still in love with the organization despite the TTATT I shared with her, AND despite telling her what the elders personally did to me. It hurts like hell knowing she chose to trust and believe an organization and sneaky, conniving, heartless elders over her own husband. I don't know if things will ever be the same, even if she wakes up.

    Hats off to those who have successsfully woke up their spouse, and to those couples who woke up together. I don't think I could have faked being a JW any longer than I had to when I was DF'd. I could barely give a service meeting part, go out in field service, or give a public talk when I was awake.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    bumping at the request of Confusedandangry.

  • Confusedandangry

    Thank you so much for bumping this post. It must have been so hard to be so patient. All of those years. I wish I'd had the patience. Its hard for me to hold in things that I know about the society. I thought I was also planting seeds for the past year, but it didn't seem to work. I'm going to print this out and hopefully will be able to use some of your points down the line. Of course I'm not the husband/elder so there is only so much I can do before he tries to take his 'head of household' b.s stand.

  • Crazyguy

    In most cases I think people become very emotional when they learn TTATT and the cat gets out of the bag before you can even formulate a strategy. I only mentioned a little bit of info about a subject that I felt was wrong and off my wife went to call the elders.

    Before I knew it or even had a chance to get some advice because my head was spinning about Ttatt I was being label an apostate. My wife even wanted it mentioned at my daughters little skit at the meeting about her getting baptized.

    Things continued to spiral out of control the whole while I was still only talking privately to one elder. Some of us find out the hard way how deeply our mates are brain washed by the cult.

    Not only did I find out she was lying about me but the elders were also spreading rumors about the circuit all the while I was still in private discussions with them. In the end I was able to get only publicly reproved but the damage was done. Many people in the hall had heard some rumor or another about me and I had zero desire to go back.

    My wife and I are still together but only for the kids and a very sick child that I was trying to save her life while going through this misery.

    One of the most hurtful things that was done, was while I was working my ass off to make tons of money so my child could be sent all over the US to save her life my wife was makIng it out that the “friends” were making most of the donations and later implied to my own sick child that I barrowed the money from my mother , the little I apparently put towards her therapies and travel. In reality thousand and thousands of dollars were spent and of the “friends” two were nice enough to donate over a thousand dollars each but one was a close friend of my child. Of the other “friends” all in all less then a thousand was donated by the rest none by the elders!

    These people truly turn on you like your a demonized dog!

  • cha ching
    cha ching

    So sorry, crazy guy, only an ex-jdub can really feel the depth of what you said in such a short space. We understand the craziness, the 'loyalty' the insanity of their 'love' for the borg. It is like people who idolize rock stars.... "idolization"... the perfect word... love based on fantasy not reality. it is crazy. You have such a great spirit to have kept trying so hard for the sake of your daughter. I think it is the great people who leave... the ones with a heart, a soul and a conscience.

  • cha ching
    cha ching

    Open mind, thank you for this thread, and the links you provided in your original post. I really enjoyed reading about Ian (Dansk), and as I went back in time, I got to see other posters that were here when I first started, six (?) years ago.... T

    This forum has it's 'waves' of styles and interests of subjects. In the "old days", haha, it seems like there were more in depth discussions regarding 607, etc. I guess most people have discovered the truth about that, and this forum still allows us to seek the solace we need as we escape the mind control of the borg.

    Nice to see that you are still here ;-)

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