Help! Leaving the WT and realizing I'm a social misfit!

2pink

so, i'm 30-something and have been a lifelong JW, born and raised. (yeah, i know double points against me on the social scale!)

i'm on my way out (and moving at a fast pace with that, LOL) and um, am now realizing that outside of the kingdom hall, i am a bit of a social retard! i don't even know how to make friends...or what to talk about with them if i am not trying to "share the good news". ha.

i feel like i've had this "us vs. them" mentality for sooooooo long that i can't really wrap my head around how to make friends with "them". and i don't even know where to start. where DO people make friends if it isn't at their cult meetings? (btw, i am a stay at home mom, so no chance of befriending the co-workers).

i realize i sound pretty lame, but if anyone has experienced this, can you give me some pointers on how you were able to form a new social circle?

better yet, are any of you in the nor CA area and do you guys have meetups in this area? i thought i saw a meetup thread or board somewhere on this site. i'll have to dig it up...

thanks!

bluecanary

Try meetup.com. There should be groups for all kinds of hobbies. You can also use your kids. Get them involved in activities with other kids--where you can socialize with other moms.

sweet pea

Fake it 'til you make it girlfriend! It's hard - that them v us mentality takes a while to shift but just get out there. If you're a mum, you have it easier than some - just strike up conversations with mums at the park, local cafes etc - don't be afraid to take people's numbers and invite them over for a playdate or at a cafe - they wont think you're weird just in need of some mates - you can always explain your situation if you feel comfortable. This is what I did when I moved here to California and yes it felt very strange at first but after a while it worked out and as a result, nearly 2 years later those mums are now my/our best friends.

Take your time, take a deep breath, relax and see what happens - you never know who is round the next corner. A few years from now and you'll wonder why you ever worried about it.....

And, if you ever fancy a trip down to Hermosa Beach, look us up!!

Sam

Gayle

It takes time but you'll get there. Try to get into school volunteerism, room mom, team mom. Also, try to develop your own interest, not mom related. Join a club, sport, hobby group. Develop a local ex-Jehovah's Witness group on Meetup.com or other.

jamiebowers

In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Showing sincere interest in people is a good start. You express yourself quite well, so you shouldn't have big problems making friends.

tlawrence101

You know what? You have said a mouthful when relating that. Some rivers are deeper than we figure. First of all I think you are doing a swell job initiating interest in meeting new friends. Jehovah will bless our efforts you know how they say about the rain? Well, my suggestion for you is be yourself and hope for the best. I mean what else converstion is there if it is not about a better life. Talk soup? So lively up yourself and think that you are definitely the bomb.

Out at Last!

In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend.

Exactly what my first thought was jamiebowers. What would you like your best friend to be like? When you can answer that, that is how you treat others that you would like as a friend. Kind of like the "treat others as you would want to be treated" the WT preached constantly but never practiced.

wha happened?

It's a bummer but u need to go through what some of us did at age 16. It's painful. I do suggest therapy and study cultures and customs because the world has so much for us to communicate with

HintOfLime

I hear ya. For a time I took solace in movies like the 40-year-old-virgin - just because you are behind doesn't mean there aren't ohter people in the same boat. I may have spent 20 years as an arrogant, ignorant, self-righteous dofus - but that doesn't mean I can't learn some new tricks.

And you can learn new tricks too - you just have to swallow your pride and be willing to play the fool for a while. Sometimes being the ignorant fool can be the most humiliating thing you can imagine - but sometimes it can be awesome learning that something you once considered evil is actually quite wondrous.

- Lime

kl2009

Are you originally from WA state? I am wondering if we might know each other. I don't know how to pm..or even what that is, but let's talk some more.

Help! Leaving the WT and realizing I'm a social misfit!

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