kl2009-no i'm not from WA state. but if you're in nor cal, pm me! (pm is private message)
Help! Leaving the WT and realizing I'm a social misfit!
by 2pink 19 Replies latest jw friends
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Kudra
Hi 2pink
in norcal all your life? I may know u if ur from Mendocino or Humboldt counties. I am 33.
I don't have kids but from what I hear from friends who do, play groups and parks seem to be cool places to meet other moms your age. I think a lot of moms may feel a little cut off from the outside world! Many people out there are looking for friends. I think the bet tip is to just be honest with folks. And don't go on about the JWs too much, lol.
Best o luck! Let me know if we might know each other in the norcal area- there are a few folks who meet up in Lake Tahoe and perhaps they may be close to you.
Kudra
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Spectre
If you know Kudra, you might know me as well.
I live in the Santa Rosa area now.
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Kudra
hi spec
what's the haps?
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2pink
i grew up in the south bay area and now live in the sac area.
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Spectre
Hey Kudra! The usual, nothing.
Hmmm....I'm not from the so. bay or the Sac area. Too bad. I'm always hoping to see more on here that I knew a long time ago(like Kudra).
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Kudra
yup:
I'm always hoping to see more on here that I knew a long time ago(like Kudra).
like we were talking about it Tahoe! -so many of our friends were so awesome- it is sad to see them still mentally slaving away under the WT chains...
take it easy, probably catch you again at the next ApostaTahoe :)
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whyizit
Read "combatting cult mind control" by Steven Hassan. You are bound to hear thought stopping cliches, and things will be said that will make WT phobias pop into your mind. You should understand that, because others who do not know what a person goes through when coming out of a cult will NOT understand what you are going through. It will help you to re-associate common words that JWs put a spin on. (Read the book, you will know what I mean. Most libraries have a copy.)
One of the greatest appeals of cults is the "instant friendships". But they are always conditional. Real friendships take time.
What do you like to do? See what your community has available for your own interests. When you meet someone and you have become fairly close. You might be honest and let them know that you were once in a "high control abusive relationship" . You may sometimes come accross as not very socially savvy, and it may be somewhat true. That may take some of the edge off on their end, if they don't understand why something just freaked you out, and they have no idea what it even was.
To make friends, be a friend. Get to know parents of the children your child is friends with. You would have that in common! Do you like pets? Maybe volunteer at the humane shelter an hour or two a week. See if any local charities need volunteers. (Doesn't have to be a religious charity, by the way.) Check the paper for a cooking class, crafts, something that you would like. If you like it, then whoever you meet there would like it too.
You probably are not really as awkward socially as you think. It's like spending all your time with your boyfriend, and when you break up, you figure out that you didn't cultivate any other friendships, and now they are gone. It will only be lonely for a little while. Push yourself to get out and participate in something YOU enjoy. Not what someone else thinks you need to be doing. You've had enough of that!
You are going to be fine and you are going to have some great new friendships! REAL ones!
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KW13
I have been there myself, and its not easy to deal with. You spend a lot of time trying to find your feet, hoping to engage in conversation and want to enjoy socialising with others. However, it is a skill that those who are raised outside the Witnesses take for granted.
It takes time, it will happen just don't be too hard on yourself.
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Diva
Hi 2pink.
I was in the same position. I had recently given birth to my daughter when we stopped going to the meetings, (I too was a born in JW and I'm in my 30's). I made a real effort to meet up with and stay in touch with the mums in my postnatal group and mums I met at play groups and other activity centres. I now have a couple of close friends.
I arranged lunch dates and trips out and just as importantly I made an effort to accept invitations, even when I didn't feel like it.
I also wanted my daughter to have a wide circle of friends too, so most of the effort I made was for her. And it's worked - we're often invited out to tea and birthday parties and have a Christmas party lined up too.