Don't want to celebrate holidays even with my daughter...

by cognac 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • Finally-Free
    Finally-Free

    I enjoy the holidays, not because they have any special meaning for me, but because they include one or more paid days off work which gives me the opportunity to relax, get together with family or friends, and have a nice meal together. It's too much work to prepare a huge feast for people without the additional day off work. Aside from that I can take or leave the holidays, with one exception - Christmas. I put up the Christmas tree for my bird, Rocco. He seems really fascinated by it, especially when I turn the lights on. He's the only reason I bother with it.

    W

    edited to add: I also celebrate Rocco's Hatchday every year and bake a hazelnut cake for him. (ok, I eat most of it) So far my employer has not agreed to make this a paid holiday, but I'm working on it.

  • Scully
    Scully

    When we were first making our way out of the JWs, we decided to start with seasonal decorations, rather than jumping head first into the holidays.

    I'll never forget the first one: it was autumn, so we bought a bale of hay, some really inexpensive colourful gourds and put them in a basket decorated with some orange, yellow and red ribbon. I bought some of that "indian corn" and tied a ribbon around and put it on our front door. It was so pretty and in no way made a statement of celebrating anything "pagan". Yet the local JWs decided to make a stink about it, and I challenged them: show me exactly what part of that is associated with anything other than "autumn", and show me the scripture or WT article that says that I am not allowed to have seasonal decorations on MY house. They couldn't. They shut up about it, but it pissed them off just the same.

    At Christmas time, my kids and I cut out paper snowflakes and put them on the windows. We made pictures of snowmen and put out some snowman decorations. I made a table centerpiece out of evergreen branches and pinecones. Again, certain people made accusations, but there was NOTHING scripturally wrong with anything in my house. I even laughed out loud at an Elder™ who criticized the snowman decorations, and told him that I'd get rid of them if he went home and demolished the one his kids built on their front lawn. "That's different," he said. "No, it isn't, unless you want people to see you as a hypocrite," I replied. That was the end of that. The decorations stayed up well past Christmas time - for as long as it was still wintery.

    In springtime, I had some pastel coloured ribbons and wrapped them around some silk tulips and hung that on my front door. By this time, people stopped making comments, but they still raised their eyebrows. However, some of the Sisters™ caught on and started doing the same thing on their homes. Well, that just wouldn't do: as far as the Elders™ were concerned I was a bad influence on the wives, by showing them "loopholes". After Easter, I bought some cheap, marked-down egg dying kits because I wanted to experiment with dying woolen yarn. Always ready to impute wrong motives, someone ratted me out to the Elders™ and I found myself having to explain my purchase. Of course, this individual claimed I was Stumbling™ them - and I found it hilarious that a Pioneer™, someone who is supposed to be so spiritually Strong In The Truth™, could be Stumbled™ by someone like me. I suggested that perhaps Sister™ Pioneer™ should focus more on her own spirituality and less on being a busybody in my Conscience Matters™.

    We didn't really put up a lot of decorations for the summer - we had a nice flower garden just like everyone else, and did fun things with the kids that didn't involve going to meetings or in Service™. We did a lot of bike riding and nature walks, and went to every kid-oriented museum exhibit, and the beach, and on picnics. We made trips to see the RCMP stables, always sure to bring some carrots and apples to feed the Musical Ride horses.

    The point is, you can do things to help your kids appreciate the seasons/holidays that aren't commercialized or require you to spend more money or effort than you feel is necessary.

  • willyloman
    willyloman

    Our experience has been that we started celebrating everything to the max, as if to "compensate" for what we'd missed for so long. As the years have gone by (it's been 5), we have settled down some and celebrate birthdays and holidays in more modest fashion. We are currently having family discussions about cutting back further because economic conditions place a hardship on some of the family. The family consensus now seems to be: We want to observe but not be obsessed.

    I suspect this evolution is commonplace with ex-dubs.

    The bottom line: We are free now. And that means free to celebrate/observe or not, to whatever extent we wish. Let freedom ring!

  • DJK
    DJK

    I think in a few years you'll be doing something like trick or treating and Christmas presents just for the children.

    I didn't have my first birthday party until I was 20. After that there wasn't a lot of excitement to it. Same for all the holiday's but my kids were able to enjoy them and that's what I enjoyed.

  • greenie
    greenie

    I agree with what most have been saying, and this is coming from a non-JW who has celebrated holidays my whole life. Holidays and celebrations are only as commercial as you let them be. We never had much money growing up, so all of our gifts were VERY well thought out for the person we bought them for on Christmas and birthdays. On Thanksgiving and Christmas, a big thing also was getting all the family together. Most of my very warm memories involve the kitchen. So many good smells and yummy things being cooked. You could totally start your own traditions, letting your daughter bake/cook with you, etc. If you've never made a gingerbread man, or even a gingerbread house, it could be a fun adventure for both of you.

    And I could not agree more with what BlueCanary said: "We would tell people that we could give presents at any time of year, but we never did." I NEVER see my Dub or his family give each other gifts. Just once a year on the parents' anniversary. Boy, that once-a-year thing sounds a lot like how everyone else celebrates holidays and birthdays.

  • Cicatrix
    Cicatrix

    Hi Cognac,

    The great thing about being out of the org is that there is no set way you have to do anything!Have whatever celebrations you please, however you please to have them, and ENJOY making your own decisions!

    We do hear mostly about the commercial side of holidays in the media, but there are plenty of folks who view holidays as more of a shared cultural experience, and have more simple holiday traditions. They decide what elements of the holidays add something positive to their lives, and leave the rest behind.

    If you want some examples and suggestions, try doing an internet search for simple christmas. There are also books on the subject.My library has several. I know, because I've checked them out.

  • Cicatrix
    Cicatrix

    Unlike Bluecanary and Greenie, in our family, we DID have regular gift giving days for our children. They got little gifts before assemblies and conventions, and a larger gift when we got home. We also had "Toy Day" once a year,and whenever a new sibling was added to the family, the baby gave all of the other children presents. But that is just NOT the same as sharing cultural holiday traditions. That is what taught me that holidays are NOT about the commercial elements, that instead they are about shared activities and cherished familiy traditions.

  • Cicatrix
    Cicatrix

    Scully: LOL-Quite awhile before I even considered leaving the JWs,I made the terrible mistake of making and hanging winter decorations for a sledding/skating party I had for the children in our congregation. It didn't even seem to matter that they had SCRIPTURES FROM THE NWT on them. Somehow, snowmen, sleds, snowflakes, and mittens, were considered to be "stumbling"!Never did understand that one. It didn't deter me from having parties and decorating. I was just a little more careful with the guest list after that.

  • lrkr
    lrkr

    I tried to start slowly- mostly out of lingering guilt, being raised without them, etc. However, once I got my head completely out, we had a ball with holidays. There really is nothing like the grin on your kids face in a Halloween costume with his friends. Christmas morning is absolutely wonderful with him jumping around with his friends and their new toys. And birthdays have become annual milestones and great events too! I feel like we have so much to celebrate! I don't buy any of the religious reasons for any of the holidays- I just enjoy having an excuse to slow the world down for a few minutes and rejoice with my family.

  • lisavegas420
    lisavegas420
    I put up the Christmas tree for my bird, Rocco. He seems really fascinated by it, especially when I turn the lights on. He's the only reason I bother with it.

    That's why I do it...for the look on my children and grandchildrens faces...and the others I love. My cats love the tree too.

    I hate doing things I feel like I'm doing only because I think someone expects me too.

    lisa

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