I have justed avoided phone calls from an elder (page 2)

cyberjesus

I understand how you feel I have been there before many times. Thankfully I am out but I still get their visits and call from other ex-friends who want want me back. I used to hide from them but now I dont anymore.

Fear, fear, fear. I just got tired of fear. Fear of God, Fear of Demons, Fear of the Armageddon, fear of going to the meeting, fear of the worldly people, fear of the brothers, fear of the internet, fear of pokemon :-) you see my point?

This is what i think. Why not preparing a small speech to apeace them and overwhelm them? They are so predictable that we know exactly what they are gonna say and do. They are gonna try to sound so nice and concer about you -we havent seen you in the meetings and we missed you, you know Jehovah is , bla bla bla- so we know that. We also know that at the same time while they sound so "nice" they are really looking very carefully to see if your doing something "wrong" maybe the way you dressed or your hairstyle or the jewelery. They are really looking to see if they can find a reason to get you out. (if you read and read this website you will realize that in JC they dont try to help they try to kick you out)

So with all of this. lets think of something before hand where we state their concerns first and we reverse their questions, then they will have nothing to say, If you do this often enough they will avoid you:

Let imagine you see them coming... instead of avoiding them this time you go and say first "Hello brother I am so glad to see you how are you and your wife? and the kids? oh im happy they are doing good. Since I havent gone to the meetings I havent had the chance to see any of you guys, I know EVERYBODY must be worried about me, I just have had so much in my life that I feel ovewhelmed so I decided to take some time off to recuperate from my streess. But I keep thinking of you (specially when I see you) and have been reading the bible often (there is tons of bible quotes in this forum) and have been constantly thinking about my relaitionship, as soon as I feel ready I will be back with you. now quote a bible text like the one that says something about not stop meeting with brothers (sorry I forgot it already) and then say well it was soo good to see you. say hello to your family, good bye (so by you stating their questions first they will have nothing else to say cuz you already said it. You be in control you decide when to start the conversation and when to end it) They are so not used to that. they are used to be in control so they will now know how to act right at the moment.

those are might thoughts,

any comments guys?

blondie

Last attempt: they will send you a registered letter!

They only do this in the case of df'ing. In my area they will send 3 letters and if they have "proof" they will df you. If you are just inactive and not taking calls or drop bys, they won't be doing this.

Blondie

Finally-Free

This is part of the reason I couldn't fade. Avoiding elder visits, phone calls and other attempts at contact made me feel more like a prisoner than actually being a JW did. I was 45 years old and I felt like a schoolkid hiding from a truant officer. I realize there are very good reasons for going through this for some people, but it definitely wasn't for me.

W

willyloman

There are faders who are hounded, and others who never hear from anyone - once they get past a couple of perfunctory attempts at contact.

I'm in the latter category so I'm a fan of the fade, providing you understand that the purpose of a fade is to buy time to develop new friends and new interests. Once you'e achieved a life without JWs in it, you will no longer care what (if anything) they threaten to do to you. They simply have no power unless you give it to them.

choosing life

It is best to just avoid the calls. Much easier. The next thing they do is stop by uninvited. Just don't answer the door. They are used to it.

Last time I saw them, they stopped by while I was working in the yard. I had to talk to them, but I kept it brief and asked about their family. Then I had to go. No, I did not have time for a "visit" in the near future.

rockmehardplace

i get calls and drop bys all the time. i usually let it go to vm on all calls that are unknown to me. if i do not recognize the number i will not answer. i get text messages also but i dont return those. the drop by is a little difficult. not much i can do other than live my life and ask that they call before they come over and then say now is not good time because i have something going on that needs to be handled immediately.

Plummet

I've been there, done that, have the scars and a crappy t-shirt too.

I spent a few years changing isles in grocery stores, parking behind the house, parking down the street, hiding in MY house, avoiding phone calls, avoiding the subject with the family. secretly celebrating my birthday, secretly giving christmas gifts, making a couple new friends, secretly researching the subject to death (secrety hoping to find that all this apostate stuff was a lie), secretly sneaking in another church (at first to one of their fun functions then once to an actual sermon), hiding at work on Saturday Morning. I spent years, years feeling like a little kid, years shaking, years hiding, years feeling guilty . . . years wasted years.

I finally had enough and fell this summer and I have never felt so alive.

Even though I spent years hiding and researching and preparing and it was all over in a matter of a couple weeks it still took a while for things to fully sink in. I had my bad days and my worse days, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope.

The only things I wish I did was A) Took all that time to make more friends and B) done it a lot sooner.

Funny a lot of things, a lot of plans, completly fell apart and I completly lost it there for a while, (to be honest I still loose it a little) I concentraited on how lonely I was and felt worse. Then I thought more and more about nonwitness friends I had and nonwitness relatives and slowly they are starting to "pop" into my life again. I concentrait on the good in life and I feel soo much better.

I just hyjacked your thread, sorry . . .

To answer your question, yes, I have gone though great lengths to create and even greater lengths to keep my faded status, but just to let you know, it feels so good to just let it go.

I love cyberjesus' suggestion I have got to try that.

flipper

WOULDACOULDASHOULDA- Just don't return the elders calls. All you have to do. If he keeps trying to get a hold of you at home- don't answer the door. The elders only have as much power as we let them have in our lives- don't give them any. It's your life to live - they aren't an appendage or attachment to you - nothing you do is their business

bigwilly

All of this makes me very happy that I chose to fade in a different state from my family and old congo. Add to that some bouncing around every couple of years, and no JW's no where to find me. My family has my phone number (I think) but haven't called since I severed ties with them. It's noce not to be hounded.

yellow

I started getting phone calls and visits from spys (not elders) as to why I wasn't at meetings or the D/C. After months of thinking (how am I going to get out of this) and hiding away. I thought enoughs enough, I want to live my life without this fear and lying I D/A told two people who mattered to me and walked away. Now I have peace of mind and live life without being under their rules and condemnation. And if I bump in to one of them well heck they're just another stranger in the street. I can live my life without their harrassment.

I have justed avoided phone calls from an elder

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