Understanding the family issue!

by ry.hans 14 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • ry.hans

    My partner has been diss-fellowshiped and out of JW stuff for just over ten years. Its my understanding that Family and providing is an important key to any religon. So why is it she classed as a bad association if she is family. Family should come first shouldn't it!!!!Regardless of what she may or may not believe. Can anyone help me to understand this...please?????

  • avishai

    The JW's are a cult who practice shunning. Stay here awhile, it'll help, most people I've dated look @ me like I have 3 heads when I try and explain the JW's to them. I wish some of my exes would have come on here.

  • ry.hans

    Her father has told her brothers and sisters not to talk to her, but her father still claims to love her, how can this be?? She is her daughter!!! Iam treading carefully for i dont want to offend her because i love her.. I have so many questions about Jw stuff.

  • avishai

    The JW's are not trained in "Unconditional love". It's conditional, they think that shunning is "loving" as it is supposed to bring people back to the fold. A religion that is restrictive, discourages "independent thinking" etc. That's why they are often referred to as the "borg" around here.

  • jwfacts

    http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/disfellowship-shunning.php goes into detail on the rules and justification behind disfellowshipping.

    Under Watchtower teachings your partner is destined to being destroyed at Armageddon. Disfellowshipping is considered loving because by shunning family members it may bring the person back to Jehovah. It also prevents your partner influencing the other family members into following their bad ways. I know it sounds insane, but that is the Witness mindset, as influenced by the Watchtower.

    Excommunication/disfellowshipping/shunning is a common practise amongst cults. If you come to recognise that your partners family are in a cult you will be able to accept that they are not acting naturally but based on indoctrination.

  • GLTirebiter

    Why do they practice shunning? That's a question with many possible answers, none of which speak well of the Organization. I have seen it in action, so I know that it's real, but it all seems crazy to me.

    It could be an attempt to preserve unity in the congregations (how is splitting families apart an act of unity?).

    It could be showing the "offender" the error of their ways so they can return to "The Truth" (how does burning bridges encourage return and reconciliation?).

    It could be vindictive, an act of retaliation against somebody who rocks the boat (how does that fit an organization calling themselves, among other things, "The Christian Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses"?).

    It could be a way to control the membership by isolating them from dissenting voices and stifling dissent (if your message is the Truth, why is that necessary?).

    It all comes down to an organization that acts like a very disfunctional family. Those in charge misuse their power, while the co-dependents beneath them tolerate the abuse. Outsiders can't comprehend why they act this way, but insiders can't image it being any other way. There are many articles out there about cult psychology and why and how people get drawn into them. If you're not familiar with Freeminds, take the time to see their psychology articles. Their experts can tell you much more than I can!

  • avishai
  • Gopher

    "Her father has told her brothers and sisters not to talk to her, but her father still claims to love her, how can this be??"

    My parents don't talk to me or my sister, because they are taught -- (1) we are a spiritual danger to them because we could influence them to leave their religion and lose everlasting life, and (2) they are taught that isolating a person will make them feel lonesome and induce them to come back to Jehovah's Witnesses. And if you make them come back to Jehovah's Witnesses, you have loved them by saving their hopes for eternal life.

    Maybe that sounds crazy to you. It sounds crazy to me. The more people shun me, the more I want to stay away from them.

    Jehovah's Witness leadership is mainly concerned with reason (1) above -- they are afraid that if they allow their people to talk to former Witnesses, they will lose many of their people.

  • glenster

    The JWs leaders' claim of being the only rule-makers of a literal 144,000 is
    meant to be established by a dozen or so rules which they claim are supported by
    the best evidence and reasoning. Keep your focus on that for easy detective
    work about the insincerity of the claim. They use quote mining, omission of
    pertinent evidence, and mischaracterize the most reasonable opposing views.

    They also require followers to use relatively harsh shunning rules, which
    aren't just applied to the usual things but to anyone who persistently disagrees
    with any of their distinctive rules. If anyone gets wise to the JWs leaders'
    methods to feign exclusiveness, they're not around long to discourage the paying

    Someone who could discourage the paying customers could be a relative, so a
    relative isn't given a break about that. You don't make money from happy rela-
    tives who discourage customers from sending them money.

  • yknot

    Here is the current policy from the book we are studying each week until March.

    Please consider downloading the 2008 WTCD as an aid to your understanding the WTS. Fabrico has posted his web addy on this thread , he has several languages available


    *** lv pp. 207-209 How to Treat a Disfellowshipped Person ***

    How to Treat a Disfellowshipped Person

    Few things can hurt us more deeply than the pain we suffer when a relative or a close friend is expelled from the congregation for unrepentant sin. How we respond to the Bible’s direction on this matter can reveal the depth of our love for God and of our loyalty to his arrangement. Consider some questions that arise on this subject.

    How should we treat a disfellowshipped person? The Bible says: “Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man.” (1 Corinthians 5:11) Regarding everyone that “does not remain in the teaching of the Christ,” we read: “Never receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him. For he that says a greeting to him is a sharer in his wicked works.” (2 John 9-11) We do not have spiritual or social fellowship with disfellowshipped ones. The Watchtower of September 15, 1981, page 25, stated: “A simple ‘Hello’ to someone can be the first step that develops into a conversation and maybe even a friendship. Would we want to take that first step with a disfellowshiped person?”

    Is strict avoidance really necessary? Yes, for several reasons. First, it is a matter of loyalty to God and his Word. We obey Jehovah not only when it is convenient but also when doing so presents real challenges. Love for God moves us to obey all his commandments, recognizing that he is just and loving and that his laws promote the greatest good. (Isaiah 48:17; 1 John 5:3) Second, withdrawing from an unrepentant wrongdoer protects us and the rest of the congregation from spiritual and moral contamination and upholds the congregation’s good name. (1 Corinthians 5:6, 7) Third, our firm stand for Bible principles may even benefit the disfellowshipped one. By supporting the decision of the judicial committee, we may touch the heart of a wrongdoer who thus far has failed to respond to the efforts of the elders to assist him. Losing precious fellowship with loved ones may help him to come “to his senses,” see the seriousness of his wrong, and take steps to return to Jehovah.—Luke 15:17.

    What if a relative is disfellowshipped? In such a case, the close bond between family members can pose a real test of loyalty. How should we treat a disfellowshipped relative? We cannot here cover every situation that may arise, but let us focus on two basic ones.

    In some instances, the disfellowshipped family member may still be living in the same home as part of the immediate household. Since his being disfellowshipped does not sever the family ties, normal day-to-day family activities and dealings may continue. Yet, by his course, the individual has chosen to break the spiritual bond between him and his believing family. So loyal family members can no longer have spiritual fellowship with him. For example, if the disfellowshipped one is present, he would not participate when the family gets together to study the Bible. However, if the disfellowshipped one is a minor child, the parents are still responsible to instruct and discipline him. Hence, loving parents may arrange to conduct a Bible study with the child.—Proverbs 6:20-22; 29:17.

    In other cases, the disfellowshipped relative may be living outside the immediate family circle and home. Although there might be a need for limited contact on some rare occasion to care for a necessary family matter, any such contact should be kept to a minimum. Loyal Christian family members do not look for excuses to have dealings with a disfellowshipped relative not living at home. Rather, loyalty to Jehovah and his organization moves them to uphold the Scriptural arrangement of disfellowshipping. Their loyal course has the best interests of the wrongdoer at heart and may help him to benefit from the discipline received.—Hebrews 12:11.


    Bible principles on this subject apply equally to those who disassociate themselves from the congregation.

    For more information about disfellowshipped minor children living in the home, see The Watchtower of October 1, 2001, pages 16-17, and November 15, 1988, page 20.

    For more information about how to treat disfellowshipped relatives, see the Scriptural counsel discussed in The Watchtower of April 15, 1988, pages 26-31, and September 15, 1981, pages 26-31.

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