So I did it - almost!

by wantstoleave 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • wantstoleave

    Today, I'm not quite sure how it started, but I voiced my concerns about the religion I've been brought up in since I was 3. My dad went straight on the offensive, though kept nice and polite. I told them that someone can not be Df for accepting a transfusion. Not sure why I started with that example, but nevertheless... Dad said 'since when' and started pumping me for information, when, where, get the picture and biggest one of all 'how do you know this'. I told him I'd read it somewhere, not sure where, from a friend. My sister immediately got out the WT cd and did research. She came back through telling dad I was right!

    Anyway, the questions I had went from there. I questioned how we know we're the right religion, what happened in 1914, why weren't there witnesses between Jesus time and the 1800's etc. You get the picture. Dad got out the bible and turned to the back, to the chronology section etc and pointed out lots of headings to me, and scriptures to look up and prove to myself that it's true. He said not to take his word for it, to study the scriptures myself. He said he'd study with me if I wanted. He's so scared of 'losing me' to the 'world'.

    My mum got in on it, surprisingly. I thought she'd more laid back, but she went on to say she prays everyday for my brother to return. Dad was pacing and telling me I was responsible for my children living or dying...and was I thinking about that. After about an hour, I burst into tears. My sister started crying her eyes out. She said she'd known it was coming for a long time. She told me she has little knowledge either, but that she believes it's the truth. I simply told them I just didn't know that I could pretend to be fake anymore and sit at a meeting I didn't want to be at.

    Dad was very loving with me. He told me that he'd been in the world (up until his 20's) and that there's nothing out there. He said that if I step into it, I'll go from one extreme to another. I told him that not every person who leaves the organisation goes off the deep end. He urged me to study. I heard him saying to mum 'I don't know what to say. There's nothing I can do'. Afterward, I talked a little to my sister, and she said it sounded as if I'd made my mind up. She was very calm. She said she'd even went as far as thinking recently that maybe I had an xmas tree hidden somewhere! I thought that was funny. (No I don't have

    I'd said to my parents that what kept me in is fear they'll stop talking to me if I leave. Mum said that she hasn't stopped talking to my brother. I guess in her own way she was saying she wouldn't stop talking to me. I don't know. I did say to my sister after that I think if the elders told dad to, he would stop talking to me. She agreed.

    So, there we have it. I've planted the seed of doubt I guess you could say. My parents will probably fret over me now. In fact, I know they will. Dad's a worrier. And now they'll think they've lost 2 kids. My dad did ask me during the conversation whether I'd let him study with my children. They are preschool age. I said I didn't know. I don't know at this point. My sister later said that it would be so confusing for them if I celebrated holidays with them, but then they would visit them and ask why there is no tree or, why they didn't give them a birthday present etc. Of course, that's way down the track. And I'm not sure on my decision yet. But, it's given me a bit of breathing room as far as getting it off my chest. At least they know where I stand as of this moment. Thanks for listening :)

  • highdose

    well done darling! massive hug! that took real courage and shows what a strong person you are, you know what? ... your going to make it through this and be just fine!:) XXXX

  • BabaYaga

    Wow! This is huge! I'm glad you feel like you got something off your chest... I'm glad you feel better. It sounds like it went incredibly well, actually... relatively speaking as we fear our loved ones' reactions.

  • wantstoleave

    Thankyou!!! I do feel quite strong right now! It's an amazing feeling. I wonder though if my dad will ring the elders? He did that when I was 13, unbaptised and tried smoking :/ Push might come to shove......

  • yknot

    Hard conversation to have....

    They love you....

    If worse comes to worse perhaps accept a study and then point out that you have never researched your own beliefs before.....and could they help you...... and then download the 1879 pubs and well just build your way from there.....

    ......just a thought......

  • Out at Last!
    Out at Last!

    Don't let hurting your parents, or anyone else guilt you into staying in. My mother gave me the old"I've lost both of my children." We are still here if she could see past a publishing company that she lets control her life. At least your mother, for now, seems reasonable.

    You know what it is like growing up in that cult, don't make your children go through the same thing, make the same painful decisions you are now making. I would recomend not letting your father, or anyone else study with them. Install in them your values, without the restrictions of who to talk to, who to associate with, what to read, what not to read, ect.

    You have some big decisions ahead, I encourage you to make them carefully.

  • MissingLink

    Your #1 job is to protect your children! Don't be blackmailed into failing in that job.

  • AwSnap

    What's most important is that you are honest with yourself. It's also so important to stay honest with your family. And you didn't say things out of anger, but out of LOVE. Personally, I would not let my children study with your dad...because whatever your dad teaches them will come from the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. Keep researching on here and you will see all the falsehoods they push on people (although it seems you've already found out much of it). Also, I noticed how you laughed to your sister as though it'd be rediculous that you'd have a Christmas tree secretly hidden. To me, that says you think Christmas is rediculous. While supposed *pagans* (Gasp!) started this practice, NOBODY today practices it that way. To many, it's all about having a set time each year to really bond with your family and be grateful for all that you have. Plus Christmas trees are beautiful! ;-) Sorry,I'm not trying to derail this post. My heart goes out to you because I know where you're coming from. And truth be told, many people who leave the jw's DO go to the complete opposite extreme and live their lives in a very negative way. You were correct in telling your dad that not all people are like that. The main thing is: IT'S UP TO YOU. Coming from such an extreme way of living, it is so easy to swing around and go to the other extreme. You will need to find a happy medium. It sounds like you feel confident in your decisions. Good job!

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Well done. I am pleased they are all still talking to you. I hope that continues.

    Let them know that you really don't want to talk about religion every time you visit them.

    I have a deal with my parents. If they don't bring up religion, I won't. It worked for a long time, but they have got pushy lately. I have effectively tattooed "I want a king list" on my forehead and headbutt them with it every time they break their end of the deal. They change their minds about wanting to talk religion as soon as they realise that I am not going to be sucked into any discussion other than that one.

    Does your sister still talk to your brother?



  • leftchica

    very brave of you! congrats on your first step to freedom. Always trust your instincts. And the world is not a horrible place! Alot of witnesses who leave the truth still believe its "the truth" and that is why so many go off the deepend. They are filled with guilt and fear! mY husband did the same. He left the organization not feeling "worthy" and in return started smoking, drinking heavily, doing drugs, ect. All the while beliveing in the organization and thinking the only way he could be saved is by returning to the congregation. He did and I followed with him thinking it would help him be a better person. Now i see how this organization has molded his mind. He feels the world is a horrible place with out the guidence of the organization. Your father probally feels the same way. If only they could free their minds they would then be able to free their souls. life is not bad out here. its what you make of it.

    If you leave the organization knowing its "not the truth" you will be able to live a normal happy life and fullfill it any way you see fit. And i have made more loving friendships this past year in "the world" than I have in the 4 yrs i was a witness. You are doing the right thing, especially for your children.


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