Today, I'm not quite sure how it started, but I voiced my concerns about the religion I've been brought up in since I was 3. My dad went straight on the offensive, though kept nice and polite. I told them that someone can not be Df for accepting a transfusion. Not sure why I started with that example, but nevertheless... Dad said 'since when' and started pumping me for information, when, where, what...you get the picture and biggest one of all 'how do you know this'. I told him I'd read it somewhere, not sure where, from a friend. My sister immediately got out the WT cd and did research. She came back through telling dad I was right!
Anyway, the questions I had went from there. I questioned how we know we're the right religion, what happened in 1914, why weren't there witnesses between Jesus time and the 1800's etc. You get the picture. Dad got out the bible and turned to the back, to the chronology section etc and pointed out lots of headings to me, and scriptures to look up and prove to myself that it's true. He said not to take his word for it, to study the scriptures myself. He said he'd study with me if I wanted. He's so scared of 'losing me' to the 'world'.
My mum got in on it, surprisingly. I thought she'd more laid back, but she went on to say she prays everyday for my brother to return. Dad was pacing and telling me I was responsible for my children living or dying...and was I thinking about that. After about an hour, I burst into tears. My sister started crying her eyes out. She said she'd known it was coming for a long time. She told me she has little knowledge either, but that she believes it's the truth. I simply told them I just didn't know that I could pretend to be fake anymore and sit at a meeting I didn't want to be at.
Dad was very loving with me. He told me that he'd been in the world (up until his 20's) and that there's nothing out there. He said that if I step into it, I'll go from one extreme to another. I told him that not every person who leaves the organisation goes off the deep end. He urged me to study. I heard him saying to mum 'I don't know what to say. There's nothing I can do'. Afterward, I talked a little to my sister, and she said it sounded as if I'd made my mind up. She was very calm. She said she'd even went as far as thinking recently that maybe I had an xmas tree hidden somewhere! I thought that was funny. (No I don't have one...lol).
I'd said to my parents that what kept me in is fear they'll stop talking to me if I leave. Mum said that she hasn't stopped talking to my brother. I guess in her own way she was saying she wouldn't stop talking to me. I don't know. I did say to my sister after that I think if the elders told dad to, he would stop talking to me. She agreed.
So, there we have it. I've planted the seed of doubt I guess you could say. My parents will probably fret over me now. In fact, I know they will. Dad's a worrier. And now they'll think they've lost 2 kids. My dad did ask me during the conversation whether I'd let him study with my children. They are preschool age. I said I didn't know. I don't know at this point. My sister later said that it would be so confusing for them if I celebrated holidays with them, but then they would visit them and ask why there is no tree or, why they didn't give them a birthday present etc. Of course, that's way down the track. And I'm not sure on my decision yet. But, it's given me a bit of breathing room as far as getting it off my chest. At least they know where I stand as of this moment. Thanks for listening :)