Everything About Being An Elder is Weird (my misc rambling memories of being an elder)

by AllTimeJeff 51 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  zarco

  ATJ -

  Well written, thanks for describing what it is really like to "serve". Your post brings back strong memories. Like you, I read as much as I could about mental illness and how to help. Another elder and I ended up as the go to guys for mental illness and neither of us were qualified to really help. I did handle a pretty egregious child abuse case and did DF the father without two witnesses - he did not appeal. We also encouraged the victim to go to the police and she did so. So at least with my limited training, I have a clear conscience that I did my best to protect those who needed it.

  Sadly, it was also important to me to climb the corporate ladder and I was rewarded for it - if you can call it that - with disctrict level assignments and temporarary assignments at the big house. I was a young person in 1975 and never believed it to be the truth since then. For a long time though, I was of the opinion that it was God's organization that just turned apostate, so I stuck with it for many years. Since we did not completely believe, we hedged our bets and pushed the limits (education, business, travel) and enjoyed life along the way.

  Being an elder certainly is not in the best interests of children or for a marriage. Trying to stick with something that you know is false or apostate is tough on the soul. I did finally step aside and it is one of my best decisions ever. I fear losing friendships since we are in turbo fade. We have not lost the few friends that we want to keep..... yet.

  zarco
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  dinah

  Jeff, thanks for sharing that. It's hard to admit that you were an a$$hole. But remember, you were groomed to be one. In my opinion, you outgrew that particular personality trait. It's hard for me to imagine the man you are now acting like you did back then.

  I never realized how political it all was. I never saw that side, being a girl in the congregation with an unbelieving father I never saw how it works from the inside. My best friend's Dad was an elder, having the benefit of seeing things somewhat from the inside helped her leave mentally far sooner than I did. She saw that it was all bullsh*t.

  The last shepherding call I got was an elder who is about 7 years older than me along with a 25 year old that had just been appointed elder. I gave him hell, very nicely. In a joking way, I asked him how could he give me advice when I have so much more life experience than he did. Both elders didn't know what to say. They haven't been back after I told them had I not been born-in, joining was not a choice that I would have made. Had I not been so hung-over I probably would have said much more. I just wanted them off my front porch. I didn't even let them in my house.
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  tresdecu

  ATJeff!

  I enjoy reading your stuff!! When I lurked way back when, I was a terrified little MS getting hounded to reach out, and I ended up on this board and your missionary story was one of my favorites. really got me thinking, I was floored by the part about the modern Elisha antitype BS.

  I flaked on being an elder for years, because I didn't want the responsibility, and I didn't want to ask a 16 girl in a closed room, where or what her boyfriends hand touched.

  Stories like the ones you just wrote are why I come here to JWN, and it's extreamly helpful to those having doubts and lurking. Thanks for your time in writing down your misc rambling memories!
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  minimus

  ATJ, I can relate. I was appointed at 20 as a MS and 24 as an elder. The night I was appointed, I sat on 3 JCs, was made the TMSO and Bookstudy Conductor. I was still the "head attendant" and I was conducting 2 bookstudies, one on Tues. afternoon and another that night. I had just stopped Regular Pioneering when my daughter was born and I needed to actually get a full time job. Also, at the time, if there was a need and a "qualified MS" could be used to sit in on judicial meetings, that was allowed. I had sat on at least 3 meetings and that included in the congregation that we shared in the same Hall.

  I was like you, actually thinking that I might be "used by Jehovah God" to "clean" up the congregation. I was the Secretary for a few years and there were only 3 elders in our congregation. In a few years I was the PO. I made some enemies and unbeknownst to me, there were some telling the new CO how I was too strong a personality. I went by the book. I was very fair, so I thought. I wasn't a political animal at that time. I believed Jehovah would reward me for being true to Him and the Organization. Dumb me! I left before I was deleted as the PO. My elder brother became the PO again and shortly thereafter the 2 congregations were made into a single one and our congregation was renamed as if we never existed. Meanwhile I was in a neighboring Hall and the elders wanted to appoint me right away but my future was not to be an elder for another few years. I was made a MS, and shut my mouth. One thing I did learn was that I was too strong when I had been an elder. I softened to such a point that EVERYONE approached me as I was considered the most approachable brother in the Hall. Shortly, I was appointed as Secretary and as time went on, I started to think about some books I had read from "apostates'', including Ray's. Things began to register as I felt the hypocrisy of it all. I started thinking about how so many in the Hall were truly miserable. they were always sick, always feeling guilty.

  I used to tell the publishers that would come to the Hall that if they "loved" us, they'd stay at home rather than spread to us the flu. I was "different" than the other elders and I started to think that I could be used by Jehovah to "balance" the BOE. I did it for a while until I just couldn't take it anymore.

  The thought of me ever going back is totally foreign to me. I know I would've never become a JW, never mind an elder, had it not been for my upbringing....Well, that's my story.
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  cantleave

  Nice post. I never had ambitions to be an Elder but was flattered when I was appointed and thought it would give me an opportunity to help the sheep. My first Elders meeting was an eye opener, I was appointed the SO role, after the previous one decided he didn't want to it because it was putting too many miles on his car. The reasons the body felt I would be appropriate was because I had Auxillary Pioneered quite regularly and my wife and I enjoyed the service. I say "enjoyed" the service, the truth is we enjoyed walking in the countryside and we had loads of "calls" who were never going to progress but they would invite us in and provide tea and cakes.

  Also at that meeting there was a heated debate about an ongoing JC involving an extremely charming character who had obviously been able to divide the body straight down the middle about a very serious allegation. There didn't seem to be any spirit of cooperation and the stronger personalities always seemed to run out. My feeling was that board meetings were better run and less confrontational. I saw nothing that indicated the operation of Holy spirit.

  I will say that since then there have been some very constructive meetings, and some good decisions have been made, but these have been overshadowed by power struggles, campaigning among fellow elders and blatent displays of nepotism, (completely against the direction of unit 4a of the "Pay Attention" book).
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  Doubting Bro

  ATJ,

  Your post brings back memories for me. I was 29 when appointed and did about 10 years or so. I never dealt with a pedofile but many of your experiences are similar to mine. I was an a$$hole for at least the first few years too. I cringe over some of the things I said and thought.I know I should continue to beat myself up over it, but it still saddens and disappoints me.

  Being an elder was nothing like I thought it was going to be. Being a company man sucked even worse.

  Exactly!

  And, the political games that I noticed in multiple congregations and at the circuit and district level were enough to allow me to just consider for a moment that "apostates" actually had legitimate points. I honestly can't imagine that there are many elders who actually think holy spirit is guiding them, at least at the local level.
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  AllTimeJeff

  Great ramble Jeff. I probably couldn't stand you when you were in. Glad you're out.

  Actually, that's my running joke to the 10 people in my life currently.. lol Oh well, better to figure it out later then not at all... If it means anything, I can't stand the memory of me sometimes....

  Palmtree, don't worry, your brother will get tired of it. There's only so much crap that can be thrown around before it really starts to stink.

  Great story. The dense writing style shows, i think, the pressure cooker life you must have had.

  "Dense".... lol.. (I know what you mean) But I laughed anyway...

  Jeff, thanks for sharing that. It's hard to admit that you were an a$$hole. But remember, you were groomed to be one. In my opinion, you outgrew that particular personality trait. It's hard for me to imagine the man you are now acting like you did back then.

  Dinah, I made a promise to myself to be as honest as I knew how. It's rather cathartic to admit my @$$holiness. I own it. My penance for having to lie for most of my life is to be honest with others and myself, as best I can.

  I know hearing things like former elders spewing forth helps. So I wrote... Thats what we all do for each other. :)
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  TheClarinetist

  What happened in Cameroon? You mentioned it twice but never got any specifics...

  O.o Do they really require you to report pedophiles from A PAY PHONE?!?!?!
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  AllTimeJeff

  Minimus, cantleave, doubtingbro

  I have to say, I think this sums it up well.... (until the next good post....)

  And, the political games that I noticed in multiple congregations and at the circuit and district level were enough to allow me to just consider for a moment that "apostates" actually had legitimate points. I honestly can't imagine that there are many elders who actually think holy spirit is guiding them, at least at the local level.

  Yup. Take a couple of years of petty, deluded men thinking God loves their stinky crap, and the illusion of holy spirit disappears....

  It's crazy. There is no doubt in my mind that any elder who leaves softens up a bit before that time, because they realize that the only elders that the borg really care about are the idiots.

  Of course, there is more then one kind of idiot elder. Some ARE smart. The problem ones are the bungholes who are dumb as bricks, and think they're Einstein.
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  donny

  Another great post Jeff! You need to put all of your experiences in book form and let us know where to purchase it.

  Donny