Does marriage work

by wouldacouldashoulda 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • yknot

    Marriage works only if they are continuously worked on for the greater good of the partnership over that of the individual!

  • WTWizard

    It does not work when they fall into stagnation traps--that is what usually kills off the relationship. Every day, it is the same old crap. It loses its excitement, and people lose interest in each other after a while. This problem happens with new jobs, apartments or homes, and new merchandise as well--it loses its excitement, and the person wants to move on.

    Throw in a few money problems, and you have the recipe for problems with fighting. And, if you add a liberal dose of guilt from not doing enough or enjoying something, and you just about guarantee that it will not work. You try everything you are allowed to, and it is not enough because the real key to excitement lies in the "religiously forbidden zone". Usually, the husband becomes a tyrant (and some are already from the outset), making all the decisions and forcing them on the family. If all their time and energy is drained off (like in field circus), there is nothing left for the family. The excitement disappears, and adultery is usually the result.

  • Psychotic Parrot
    Psychotic Parrot

    Is it me or do married couples always seem to start sleeping seperate rooms after about 20 years?

  • lisavegas420

    I think of marriage as a business relationship with benefits. Some business fail. But, if you both are on the same page, or are able to come to some kind of agreement then there is no reason why it can't work. But both have to want it to work.

    lisa <---on third marriage, recently celebrated 16 wedding anniversary.

  • Psychotic Parrot
    Psychotic Parrot

    Why do j-dubs & ex-j-dubs have so many marriages

    Is it to make up for the lack of sex before marriage?

    I've never been married (only 21), but i've had more partners than the average multi-marriage j-dub has in their lifetime, & although most of you will probably disapprove of that, it has taken the pressure to get married off considerably for me!

    If i were a virgin i'd feel much more pressure to find someone to marry... which i'm definately not ready for yet, & probably won't be ready for until i'm on the other side of 30.

  • Quandry

    Yes, marriage works.

    I've been married for thirty-nine years.

    Ups and downs for sure, but we are best friends and I am glad we have each other. We are on the same page regarding the WTS. He was an elder for twenty years. I'd like for him to post here, but haven't been able to convince him yet. He reads posts if I draw his attention to them. Usually if there is something amusing.

  • crapola

    It traps you! Especially if you listen to the "brothers". Now, I have been married so long that it seems next to impossible to start over.

    So for me , except for it giving me my children, no it has'nt worked in the sense that I have been happy.

  • AllTimeJeff

    From an ex JW perspective, this is interesting. We have skewed ideas about marriage for the following reasons.

    Not only can you not have sex before marriage, you can't even touch your partner passionately. Even long kissing sessions could be cause for a judicial committee. So because we are sexual beings, and not wanting sanction from the congregation, JW's get married.

    They get married too young (me raising my hand), pick the wrong person just because they are the first available who said yes (me raising my hand), and all of this is done in a state of borg induced confustion, where you are really prevented from knowing, or even investigating who you are.

    Few JW's get married and really know themselves these days, imo.

    There is a lot of statements here I agree with. In my view, Big Tex had a great point. Like who you marry, not love. This is somewhat semantical, but I took that to mean that giddy eyed passion is not the basis of a long term relationship with anyone. Love is there of course, but its not so intense so that you lose your judgment, identity, etc.

    Others have stated that its a partnership, which requires maturity and a willingness to accept the other person for who they are, and for them to accept you for who you are, so that you don't have to pretend to be something you are not. All of this contributes to the success or failure in a marriage.

    Marriage works for tax reasons (US only) and can work in all other aspects if 2 mature people enter into it, know themselves first, then their partner, and both are willing to allow each other to be themselves.

    I think most marriages fail when too much importance is attached to marriage. You have to work at it together, but it can't be the largest, sole source of your individual identity. Only two strong people who know themselves can make a marriage successful. If this is lacking in one partner, the marriage will fail, or at least be miserable.

    *I am getting off my soap box now...*

  • wouldacouldashoulda

    All you happy marriage posters make me sick (in the nicest way possible)

    I have never met so many happy 25%ers!

    Excepions to the rule only serve to make my statement true.


  • bluecanary

    My boyfriend and I were just discussing this yesterday. We think that the problem with marriages (apart from entering them prematurely) is the lack of education people have about them. Our idea of marriage comes from two sources: our parents and popular entertainment. Relating to other people is a skill that must be learned, not a talent that comes naturally. They ought to offer relationship classes at community colleges. This could be more than romantic relationships. Most people could use tips on how to get along with family, friends and coworkers, too. There are a ton of books available on the subject, but it would be good if an interactive learning option was available to more people.

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