I won't parse words. If I continue in this situation, I'm going to be dead by my own hands. Having them in my life is getting to the point where I can't function and I will choose not to function anymore. I can't move out because I'm recieving survivor's benefits and government money is fickle, especially in these days of the recession. I know I have a loving girlfriend and everything, but I can't continue with this toxic family anymore. Nobody wants to take me in and I don't know if my finances are going to be there for me in the future because I'm always getting conflicted diagnoses from various doctors who aren't familiar with ASD. I want to have a new life with her away from my family but I can't launch myself. It's frustrating.
Like I said, I'm not going to last too much longer and I will probably end it by my own hands. The stress is too much to handle. The stress and pressure of trying to build myself up and getting out of this toxic family is too much and my only other options is either to live in misery, get my girlfriend involved in this mess and live miserably ever after as a Shadow JW or to die knowing that I did my best to not feed into the JW's power.
I've looked into moving out. I can't because it cost too much and I have creditors harassing me. I also can't feed myself, get my driver's license and own a car and do other things to help me gain independence if I decide to move in on my own because I have a lack of funds. And then there's the specter of social security ending for me based on conflicting DXs(Most say I have some sort of ASD, others claim I might be psychotic, based on my stress triggered meltdowns).
I also would rather die than be caught up in the mental health system and be committed. They pretty much strip your rights away there too. I just want to be free and live my life without having that stress in my life. I can't go on any longer.