Ministerial servant mentions more "empty nester" JW couples getting divorced

by truthseeker 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • DaCheech

    I know plenty who are hounded by elders during courtship.

    they marry between 3-9 months into it!

    I know plenty of divorced.

    one of my wifes friend lasted 2 weeks, and someone in my congo had a long distance relationship.... met the mate 5 times in a 6 month span.... divorced 6 months later!

    aaaaaaaaaaah the witless long distance phenomenom set forth by international assemblies

  • Satanus

    The kinghall marriage schpeil always emphasize the 3 fold cord thing, w jay hoover as the third party, a mongrel menage a trois. Thos menages aren't doing it for those jws. Is jay not doing his part, since he didn't bring in karmageddon in the 70's, like the wt promised for him to do? Anyhow, i'm glad that i never went for that wt style menage. Seems to me that 3 is one too many in a relationship.


  • blondie

    So are these people getting DF'd for getting divorced?

    jws aren't df'd for getting divorced but for not being "scripturally divorced" (having WTS approval) and then remarrying or having sex with someone. You can get divorced and as long as you don't remarry or have sex with someone else (or even the mate you divorced--another WTS rule) you won't be df'd.


  • homeschool

    I've noticed that it just takes one couple in a congregation to separate for the 'flood gates' to open and several others to follow suit, almost as if it was a game of chicken to see who could stay in their rotten marriage the longest.

    That's funny. I mean, it's absolutely not funny because you're probably right...I just have a vivid imagination. and that's funny

  • Snoozy

    Blondie, I have seen a few that just get divorced then marry the recent object of their affection (Usually another JW ). They usually both get disfellowshipped. (The newly married)

    They keep attending a different hall where few know them and then they repent and get big deal. They still get what they want all around..

    I knew one guy who's wife brought him into the religion with the help of a few other couples. I really liked this guy. He had a great personality. Out of the blue he announces to his wife that he wants a divorce and after he gets one proceeds to marry another gal from their same KH. We were all shocked. We had NO idea. This lady was one of the nicest and funniest people you could meet.

    They (The husband and new wife) got disfellowshipped but kept going to the same hall as if nothing happened. In the mean time his ex wife got cancer. It ws a Bad cancer that spread fast. She had to go to the KH and endure seeing her ex and his new wife (Who both had been reinstated by now) mingling with everyone at the KH now. Plus carry the weight of her only daughter getting married with the Father and new wife getting involved and the treatment she was going through with the cancer. She had several friends that stayed by her side all through it. She eventually died not too long after that. That was one of the saddest stories I have heard of among the witnesses. My heart went out to her whenever I saw her. She was such a likable person. The bad part was so was he..but what he did was just plain rotten. And yet he went on to become a pillar of the JW community..

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    I've seen couples divorce without getting df'd. Most did end up getting df'd because they were really having a secret affair.

  • jeanniebeanz

    I wonder if any divorces happen because their now adult children have left the troot, and they do not both agree to the requirement of shunning the children...


  • flipper

    TRUTHSEEKER- I think having been born in this WT organization and in it for 44 years until 6 years ago- I can give you a good idea on what causes long time JW couples to divorce. Many JW members get married WAY too young and they don't even know themselves yet emotionally, mentally, or what they really want out of life. So the decision to marry is based mostly on the need for sex ( legal sex in the cogregations eyes ) so many marry at 18 or 19 because they don't want to get DFed for fornication and lose their JW family relationships.

    Then these people get older and find out that a marriage WILL NOT WORK if the only thing in common you have with your spouse is being a Jehovah's Witness. It takes a lot more similarities than that to make a marriage work- inside OR outside the WT organization. I was with a JW spouse 19 years - and by the time we divorced in 1998- it was as if we were on different planets. So the fact that many divorce doesn't surprise me in the least. Blame the WT society for building up the illusion that all you need is a threefold chord to keep the marriage together. It ends up being a twofold chord - the wife or husband ends up loving the WT society more than the marriage mate . Bottom line

  • Farkel

    Another unusual thing happens to "happily married" JW couple who leave the relgion either together or at separate times. After both are out for a while they have to face up to the fact that the only thing they really had in common was the religion. Now that is gone, they realize the marriage is over, too.

    This also happens when a substance-abusing spouse gives up the habit after the other spouse has begged and pleaded for years for his/her mate to stop that abuse. Substance abuse makes marriage an unpredictable roller-coaster, and when the abusing spouse gets of that coaster and starts leading a stable, balanced and predictable life, it not infrequently drives the complaining spouse nuts because s/he has become used to the roller-coaster way of life.

    There are at least two long-married couples I know who used to post on this board who got divorced not long after both spouses left the JWs.


  • truthseeker

    Flipper and Farkel,

    You make interesting points. Young JWs want their due, legally of course, along come kids, kids leave home, couple have too much time on their hands and realize who is this person I've been living with for 20 or 30 years?

    And again, if one leaves the truth they have a realization that there entire life has been one big lie, spouse included and they just want out.

    I know a couple who were married for 30 years, they seemed to get on well with each other, no major arguments and one day one spouse just decided they've had enough and want out. You could not have seen this coming, it's so sudden.

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