Give Your Advice To Anyone Planning To Fade

by minimus 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • OnTheWayOut

    Free yourself and try to help your loved ones.

    Have you paid attention on an airplane when they talk about the oxygen mask? It's very important.
    Put your mask on first, then help your loved one. If you are gasping for air, no matter how much you want to help, it ain't as good as simply breathing and letting them catch up to you.

    Do you take advice from a fitness expert who is fat? No, get in shape first and then help others.
    Do you want financial advice from a debt-laden guy with no budget? You get the idea.

    When we are happy with ourselves, despite outside circumstances, we are in a position to make positive change that will endure and help many more people by our example.

  • chickpea

    i did not plan a fade, nor did i realize
    i was in a fade til i stumbled upon the
    link to a link to a link that ended up at
    JWD.... and i have to say the sequence
    of events delineated on this thead and
    the links to other threads is spot on:
    giving up hosting BS, not answering,
    slipping meeting attendance, dropping out of TMS,
    slacking, and then inacitve status, in FS were
    gradual but inexorably led to the end of an
    intensely painful self-doubt about my worth
    in the eyes of jah..... time lapse: between
    18 months and 2 years, as i recall

    the last contact we had with the elduhs
    was them asking my hub if they could
    do a shepherding call, and when i said
    "if all they have to offer is to study the
    'family happiness book', no thanks!"

    funny that.... they never talked to us again

  • willyloman

    OTWO's experience is similar to mine, which is among those in one of the links posted earlier on this thread.

    I see this as a two step process: Develop a plan, work the plan.

    Once you realize it's truly b.s. and your conscience tells you to get out, create an exit strategy. There's lots of advice here, and your own experience as a dub - watching others fade -will teach you the steps.

    There is a third step: Develop new interests and new friends. This is vital.

    Finally, everyone's circumstances are different. Your mileage may vary.

  • treadnh2o

    Here is how my fade worked perfectly.

    I just stopped going. When they called for my time,I said,"I have none",

    When the elders came to visit, I just said I have been busy and would try to adjust my schedule. Haven't been back since.

    My feeling was that I lived 30+ years trying to please this man-made organization and now I was going to man up and just be done with it. If you know the rules it is pretty easy to play the game.

    I absolutely would have Da'd if my believing wife did not ask me not to.

    At least now all my Witless relatives will still talk to me.

    I know it is different for everyone, and only time before I am DF'd, but it's kind of fun being openly "apostate" and getting away with it.

    I would not recommend this to anyone as I have a unique circumstance that allows this to be the case.

  • flipper

    Just do it. Works for Nike- it will work for you

  • SnakesInTheTower

    I wrote this synopsis about my fade on Cognac's thread about switching halls before I seen this thread..

    when I switched KHs to start my fade, I changed congos, circuits, and states. All while living right where I am still at now. I drove to this new KH about 15 miles away. Once the BOE in the new congo got the letter from my old congo BOE stating I had been deleted (rather than resigned for personal reasons as they originally had wanted) as an elder, the elders lost interest in me rather quickly. See, I was no good to them for 3 years..and then only as an MS for a brief time... they needed elders now....
    I was never assigned to a book study group, it was difficult to get Kingdumb Miseries, I never signed up for the Theocratic Misery School...basically, I was a white guy (one of less than a dozen whites) in a black congo...and it was a large congo (over 140 regular publishers) I got lost in the shuffle very quickly..... never attended book study....never went in service there..... turned in phantom time for 8 months....quit going to the Thur night meeting...then started either missing Sunday or leaving after the talk. Then the DC came (I didn't go), and then the KH went through a 6 week remodel (gut job)...I never attended the alternative location....came back for one last meeting when they returned...knowing that was my last meeting.
    Key to my fade was getting out of the social circle I was in. My fade will bust wide open this weekend.... my fiancee and her son begin moving in tomorrow. 2 years fade.... I accomplished what I needed.

    Because I was so high profile locally (elder, pioneer, MTS grad), it was more difficult to drop from the radar in the congo I was in for the previous 4 years. I plotted very carefully how I faded. Thus the switch. Had I stayed in that first congo, I guarantee the elder who worked his ass off for 4+ years to get me deleted would have worked harder to get me DF.

    I have thought about DA'ing...but that is subscribing to their game...a game I no longer participate in. When I tell my full story on this board, it will be with my full name and location.... it is taking a while to get it just right. Meanwhile, I have a great new life with a great fiancee and a great soon to be stepson.

    My way of fading worked for me, but it may not work for you. (*)

    SnakesInOutOfTheTower (Rich, of the "no longer lurking in the shadows of the Towerâ„¢" Sheep Class)

    (*) Read directions carefully before fading. Results may vary. Do not take with alcohol. Taking alcohol during a fade may lead to fun times. Hell, why not take alcohol, screw it. Fading may cause sleeplessness, sleepiness, diarreah, constipation, upset stomach, shortness of breath, restless leg syndrome, heart palpitations, elder visits, shakes, rattles, rolls, ulcers, judicial committees, PMS, incontinence, impotence, ED, seizures, hair loss, hair growth, nose hair growth, nosy witness syndrome, and other unexplainable symptoms requiring a sudden end to the fade. May also lead to freedom to think, celebration of really cool pagan holidays, regaining lost "worldly" friends and family, ability to pursue higher education leading to college degrees leading to good paying jobs, promotions at work, social status, real retirement plans, finding someone that loves you for you not because you are tied to congregation status and other benefits.

  • WTWizard

    I started going to two different congregations--without transferring my card. I would alternate in unpredictable patterns, so if I was missing at one, they would presume I was at the other. Then, I started blowing off the boasting sessions for flimsy excuses--it is raining and I do not have an umbrella (I kept "forgetting" to buy one, since I do not need one for anything else since I am not afraid of getting wet). Sometimes I would "forget" to set my alarm clock and blow off the evening boasting sessions, or work late on purpose so I would blow off the Sunday boasting session. Of course, each time I blew one off, they would presume I was at the other.

    As for field circus, I would simply do one hour a month, and rarely two (if I got stuck out for two hours that day). And I would turn it in when I got good and ready to turn it in, not necessarily on time. That way, they would find mine turn up missing only to see it (along with a separate slip) the next month. That has to have wasted plenty of time when I didn't turn in one, since they would think it's wedged into another box, and it will turn up the next month with a separate slip for the then-current month. Gradually, I started doing dummy service only (walking back and calling that "street work").

    One day, I decided to pull the plug totally. I had it with Jehovah trying to keep me celibate, so why should I do a damn thing for Him. At that time, I planned to definitively quit. I went out and got a shredder, and shredded all my rags (leaving a very few for one last month of field circus). And I left them no clues that it was to be my last month--nor did I even go back to turn in a field circus slip that month. After that, I shredded every last rag I had left, and never set foot inside a Kingdumb Hell again.

  • minimus

    When a person decides to actually leave either mentally or physically, he must be very clear as to what he's doing and what the consequences will be. You can't fade halfway as in attitude. Either you're focused and intent or you shouldn't do the fade. Unless you're committed to it, it'll never work. If you vascillate, it means they still control you.

  • AllTimeJeff

    I started a thread sometime ago about this, not totally understanding why a fade was a good idea. I finally understand why it can be, and is often the only choice some exiting JW's have.

    There are many good suggestions here. I didn't fade, so I can't comment too much on this, other then to say to be on guard for clever elders (sometimes they exist) and be slow, deliberate, don't express your opinions about the BS teachings, that will get you in more trouble then you can possibly imagine...

    Love and peace to the faders. :)

  • blondie

    So AllTimeJeff, what do you think fading is? I believe it is just stopping going, not necessarily suddenly but in a short space of time without da'ing or being df'd. I stopped going immediately and consider myself a fader but if others take more time to make arrangements, that's still fading. What are the other choices but da'ing yourself and being df'd? I consider faders what jws consider inactive jws. Evidently you have an extended definition of fading.

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