Getting Offended: A Method of Control

by daniel-p 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • palmtree67

    This was always one of my pet peeves, too!!!!

    Just because your feelings are hurt, DOES NOT mean the other person did something wrong!!!

  • daniel-p

    It is a powerful tool of control, and it is not limited to the cult. It is widely used in larger society.


    I agree, Burns. You see it everywhere, most often from people who feel society owes them something.

    daniel, I wasn't aware that a man's hair could be too short. Do they not have bald elders where you come from?

    Canary, this was a congregation in Southwest Florida in which I spent a year after leaving Bethel--not where I'm originally from. They had some very patriarchal families in this particular congregation, and if you wanted to be a part of the "family" you had to bend to their will in many more matters than what the Bible said.

    This way they can continue to feel superior and self-righteous about themselves.

    I think that's the crux of it: it's about self-righteousness.

    Good grief... your hair was too short so they removed you? omg... unbelievable!

    Jeannie, more accurately, it was their dissatisfaction in how I complied with their mandate that they didn't like. I grew my hair out just a bit, and then kept it that way. Apparently, I was to grow it out pronto to the approved length. They didn't say anything abot it until some other brother walked up onto the stage for the number 1 talk right before I was supposed to, making a point to humiliate me.

    Taking offense is a way for someone else to subvert another person's fundamental rights and freedoms.

    A JW takes offense that so-and-so is Inactive™, and takes it upon himself to chastise and judge the other person, in an attempt to change the person's behaviour, in which they have a right and a fundamental freedom to partake.

    A follower of The Religion of Peace™ takes offense at a newspaper cartoon depicting a book they believe to be holy in a less than flattering situation, and threatens to bomb the publisher and creator of said cartoon, in an attempt to subvert freedom of the press and freedom of speech/ expression.

    It's the cry-babies who take offense who get their arses kissed in this topsy-turvy politically correct world.

    Perhaps it's time for reasonable people to get offended at the unreasonable and illegal behaviour of these crackpots. Tolerance is for pussies.

    Right on, Skully. The only reasonable way to deal with people who get offended is to ignore them. Ironically, this mentallity is exactly contrary to personal responsibility. If they had that, they would hold themselves responsible for their own actions, and not anyone else's. If you do that, what's the point in getting stumbled by another person? It just doesn't make sense.

  • parakeet

    There are at least 20 dubs in my old KH that greatly stumbled me when I was a teenage dub, and I'm not talking haircuts. I'm talking physical assault (once on me; once on a DAed elder), having to listen to the most vicious gossip I've ever heard anywhere, a dub mom who refused to take an injection that could have prevented her daughter's mental retardation. These events shocked me, especially coming from "God's chosen people."

    If the dub doctrine of stumbling were true, most dubs would never even catch a glimpse of a new world. They would roast with the rest of us at Armageddon.

  • Scully

    On the concept of Stumbling™, I always thought it was strange how we were always Counselled™ against doing anything that might Stumble™ anyone else, but if someone else did something that offended you, you were considered Spiritually Weak™ if you 'allowed' that to Stumble™ you.

    It was as if they were trying to tie you up in a behavioural/ cognitive/ emotional straight-jacket. Not allowed to act certain ways, knowing right from wrong down to the minutest detail and not being allowed to get understandably angry or upset when another person wronged you - even if it was a serious wrongdoing, or a crime even, like fraud or being molested - and being told that you HAD to carry on as though the crime never happened, and treat the other person like a Brother™ and continue to show respect for them.

    On the other hand, I totally exploit the Being Stumbled™ thing when a JW offends me now. I love making them $h!t their pants like that.

  • parakeet

    Scully: On the other hand, I totally exploit the Being Stumbled™ thing when a JW offends me now. I love making them $h!t their pants like that.

    I know! And they never get the irony.

    Scully: I always thought it was strange how we were always Counselled™ against doing anything that might Stumble™ anyone else, but if someone else did something that offended you, you were considered Spiritually Weak™ if you 'allowed' that to Stumble™ you.

    It's like asking someone to run backwards. If he runs into someone, it's his fault. If he gets hurt, it's also his fault.

  • WTWizard

    What I have noticed is that they use the term "stumbling others" liberally. This includes offending others. It also includes doing things that, while correct, make others think it's OK to do them. Before long, half the congregation is doing it, and the hounder-hounder has to put a stop to it. One could stumble others by listening to "bad" songs on one's iPod or at home, having a pair of decorative dice in one's car, having worldly books at home, decorations that could be taken for Christmas decorations, eating Easter candy while it's in season, or having excessively short (or long) hair. Dress is also included--too long or short a skirt, "sisters" wearing pants in freezing weather, "brothers" taking the sweat box off when it gets too hot, wearing colored shirts or the wrong kind of glasses, and too much jewelry (including watches, earrings, and the like) could "stumble" others.

    As they see it, every person is supposed to set the example. Unless their example is exactly like what the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger puts out, they are stumbling others. No one is allowed to see for themselves what is right and what is wrong--nor is there any room for personal preferences. You are supposed to see from each and every publisher, not just the Official Source, what the "correct" behavior is supposed to be.

  • ldrnomo

    BTS said:

    I have a bar/liquor cabinet in my house. I had it when there was book study at my place back when I was a Witness. Kept it closed. Apparently, an elder's wife was stumbled.

    Maybe she was just pissed because you didn't offer her a couple of shots of scotch before the bookstudy started so she could get through it.


  • LouBelle

    This is not only used in the JW environment - it's also used in the corporate sector. Your boss may get offended at why you question their leadership/ the unprofessionalism and then because of offence will threaten you inturn by means of a warning letter. Best way to deal with any offence is let them be offended - they have chosen that route (especially when it's trivial matters) Though it is different if you call someone a filty whore for no reason.

  • wobble

    "I'm offended " (said in baby voice)

    So what ?

    You don't DIE because you are offended, nothing happens, so grow up,get over it.

    That is what Dubs should be told.



  • chickpea

    i hated that whinging "might stumble so-and-so"
    crap when some uber-righteous JW would tsk tsk
    something we chose to do or not do....

    jesus tapdancing christ!
    pull on your big girl panties and
    deal with life, princess! you aint
    all that and never will be!!!!!!!!!

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