Joshua and my father

by mrsjones5 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  mrsjones5

  Reading Oompa's little dilemma reminds me of something my mother said to me about a week ago. Apparently my father thinks that my youngest shouldn't go on the outings that my father takes the kids on. He questions whether the things that they are doing (going to G rated movies) is age appropriate for my youngest son Joshua (he's 6). I told my mother that in order for my father to take the kids he has to take all of them. Mother wondered if it was fair for the older kids because they have to watch out for Joshua. It's their job and responsibility to watch out for Joshua when I'm not there, they know this I said.

  I know what's going on here. My parents are having some trouble dealing with Joshua because he's autistic (he's high functioning and his speech is a bit delayed). But I can't and won't let them single him out and leave him behind. Joshua would be hurt if his brothers and sister left him behind to hang out with my father. He maybe autistic but he's not stupid.

  Josie
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  beksbks

  Oh Josie. Don't let them make it easy on themselves at his expense.
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  mrsjones5

  Never Beks, never
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  truthseekeriam

  I agree with Beks,

  My thing has always been if you want one you gotta take the other. Fair is fair.

  Kids are way to smart to to not know when they are being left out.

  I have a MIL that plays favorites and it drives me Loco.
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  nelly136

  i had to look up G rated, general audiences 'all' ages admitted

  ***Mother wondered if it was fair for the older kids because they have to watch out for Joshua.*** surely if your dads an adult he should be the one looking out for him and not fobbing off his duties on the other kids while josh is in his care? youre right sounds like a total copout
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  mrsjones5

  It is a total copout.

  I forgot to add that my father also questions whether Joshua retains anything when he watches the movies. Geez, my father thinks my son is a mental idiot...this boy picks up and retains so much and it comes out in the most surprising ways. I know that I have shown my father the calender that Joshua made with every month spelt correctly and with the right amount of days when he was four. When Joshua latches on to something his intensity and focus is so great, how can that not be retention?
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  quietlyleaving

  sounds like Joshua is going to teach your mum and dad a lot of useful stuff.

  My children always looked out for one another. But when they were growing up my son always got praise, attention and invites in the congregation. My poor daughter was always an after thought. But he made sure to include her whenever he could. I think they both learned from one another.

  Its truly wonderful that your children are growing up in a big family and that they have a sense of closeness
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  nameless_one

  This is awful! I think you are 100% correct to say no way to excluding your youngest, and also no offense but shame on your father for trying (or even wanting) to do that. Your boy is surely picking up on the "bad vibes" from grandpa; even if he is included in the outings, it sounds like your dad has some dim views of Joshua and isn't making much of an effort to hide them. Your other kids are surely picking up on it too, and I'd guess they feel protective of their little brother. Grandpa's cop-out might just backfire on him badly; that's no way to treat a grandchild and the kids surely know it. Maybe the day isn't too far off when they won't want to be around grandpa, rather than the reverse. I'm sorry your family has to deal with this :-(
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  ldrnomo

  After observing your children this past week, it would be absurd to leave Joshua out of the activities.

  It's plain to see all of your other children love Joshua and that Joshua is an intelligent young man who loves to interact with his siblings and others.

  Your father must not have the desire or patience to deal with a special child.

  Speaking as a Grandfather, I found Joshua heart-warming very bright and he has a great sense of humor.

  It's too bad your father can't see those things.

  LD
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  mrsjones5

  Thank you LD. I'm hoping the longer we stay in this area maybe my father will be more open about Joshua.

  We're teaching our kids that family looks after family and for my parents to suggest that it's not fair to expect the kids to look after Joshus just kinda twists my head. I have a brother who is special needs and has been that way since he was five, we had to look after him when my siblings and I were growing up and after we were grown. I never thought of looking after my brother as unfair. Somehow my parents have acquired a disconnect that's a bit disturbing.