Your thoughtful opinion is requested, please, on a possible proposal to free my wife from JWs

by lifelong humanist 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • lifelong humanist
    lifelong humanist

    Six years 'JW free', my wife is still in, although she's now nowhere neary as zealous as I was when in. For this I'm grateful.

    Please take a moment to review my current situation as far as my wife's involvement is concerned with our 4, adult male children:

    1. My wife regularly contacts my DFd son, invites him and his wife to visit us, along with their 4 year old son, and thinks absolutely nothing of it! This son is a musician in the Scots Guards, based in London, England. In fact, she's not long back from staying at the army barracks, while attending several military concerts that he was participating in. Naturally, all of this is perfectly fine with me, and represents typical, 'proud parent' behaviour.
    2. She also regularly contacts my other DAd son and invites him to visit, stay over for weekends, etc. Contact is even more regular whenever he engages in his extreme sports activities - i.e., free climbing in some of Scotland's most challenging mountains, ice-climbing, etc. This, too, is fine with me, and I share her concerns over his safety.
    3. Contact for our inactive, eldest non-baptized (though he was an unbaptized minister) son has always been regular, especially after the arrival of our first grandchild.
    4. My youngest son abandoned attending and associating with JWs when I DAd myself 6 years ago, so there are no issues there as to what behaviour the JW should adopt.

    As I continue in my struggle with my attempt to free my wife from the JW cult, it occured to me that she may have inadvertently provided me with an opportunity to speed up the process (please refer to points 1 and 2 above - some might ven say that pont 3 goes too far!). How? By writing to her local congregation and informing the elders that as a DAd person, I can't understand why my wife can do these things and yet remain in good standing within her congragation. I'd imagine that they'd question her, she'd admit she does these things, they'd convene a JC, she'd (probably) not agree with their findings, and they'd have to DF her. Job done!

    While this sounds a drastic step to take, and I don't feel particularly happy about following through with it, it just might be a solution to a very difficult problem.

    What do you think - is this a totally crazy idea? Do you think that it'd work, i.e., have the desired effect so she has to either stop assosciating with 2 of our 4 sons, which she won't accept, and lead to her being DFd?

    Any comments would be appreciated.

  • Farkel

    :What do you think - is this a totally crazy idea?

    Yes. You don't "help" someone by screwing them up, no matter how well-intentioned. What you are contemplating is not "help". It is sabotage.


  • besty

    why do you want her out?

    sounds like you have a normal happy family.....

  • Anne

    Lifelong Humanist.... not like that, never like that. It could backfire badly. She could turn ultra militant JW and you would loose her completely.

    Maybe you could introduce her to a few fun time-consuming hobbies? Find some new couple friends that you can both hang out with. Pretty soon she'll become less and less active, and slip away from them.

    She sounds a little like my mom in that she would never give up her family. It maybe painful to watch. But if being a Witness makes her happy and it doesn't break up your family, I'd leave her to it. If she's not happy, talk to her about that. You'll make more headway by being kind and loving.

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    That is a HORRIBLE idea . What is so bad about your life now ??? Sounds pretty darn good compared to the many families were the JW spouse does shun the children that are DF'd and or DA'd .

    What you are purposing is based on your own selfish whim to get what you want right now . Instead why not allow your wife to make her own decisions in her own time and way ...sounds like she already is doing that anyway .

    As an alternative why not just point out to her how unloving the society's council is about shunning family members and tell her how glad you are she does not follow their suggestions in all things .

    It's called dialogue and communication ,which to me seems a lot better for a marriage than sneaking behind ones mate and tryiong to cause them trouble and pain .

    How would SHE feel when the brothers told her they recieved this report from YOU ? Also did you ever consider it could back fire on you and The possibility they could make her see the error of her ways ?

  • OnTheWayOut

    While I am not all the way onboard with Besty, he makes a good point. She does associate with the boys.

    My wife and I have a trust and a bond that goes beyond WTS. Sure, it's a problem that she's still a believer, but she doesn't stick a knife in my back and I don't stick one in hers. We have that much going for us, why would I want to take a chance that she would figure out that the knife came from me? I wouldn't.

    Read the two Steve Hassan books, COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL and RELEASING THE BONDS. Make sure to finish the second book before putting any action forward. There's also a good David Reed book that can help: HOW TO RESCUE YOUR LOVED ONES FROM THE WATCHTOWER.

  • Atomahawk

    It has to come from her, I wouldn't encourage you to do anything that could backfire on you.

    You may want to discuss the situation, maybe over a bottle of wine. Something along the line of "I know you want to do what's right regarding your beliefs, but it's seems odd to me that your not willing to submit to what the GB suggests regarding DF'd people." " If you believe the GB speaks in behalf of J how do you reconcile this with your current behaviour"

    Something along that line, you dont want to make her feel uneasy or defensive, it has to be a sincere desire you understand.

  • palmtree67

    Please do not do this.

    She will make the break when she's ready and in a way that is most comfortable for her. It sounds like she's on her way there already, just give it time.

    Take care,

  • sir82

    Agree with all of the above.

    Setting up a surprise attack from the elders, behind her back, will seriously damage if not destroy your relationship with her.

  • parakeet

    If it doesn't stink, don't stir it.

Share this