by flipper 43 Replies latest jw friends
They hit you with a double whammy too... make you feel bad about yourself, overload you with burdens and responsibilities then tell you Jehovah TM never loads you with more than you can bear when you're feeling like it's just all too much. You've not only got the guilt of being human to deal with but the guilt of not coping when "everyone else is sooo happy".
Wow, so true.
JIM_TX- Good points you make. I'm so sorry you didn't receive honor of any sort to build you up while growing up. Everybody needs affirmation. My mom really built my self esteem and made me feel valuable - but my elder dad did not. So true that this cult hurt us deeply.
IS THERE HELP OUT THERE- We were all beaten down by the WT society and many times we don't realize it until looking back AFTER the fact. Or until we hit rock bottom like you said . Then finally we reach our breaking point and exit.
LADY LEE- Good point you make. People that have strong self esteem aren't as easily controlled and manipulated as people who have low self esteem. Those with low self esteem won't rebel as much. They act like sheep.
LUCKY CALAMITY- I know how you feel. It is infuriating dealing with some fanatic witness family members. They do feel like everything is a conspiracy of Satan trying to hurt them. This is one big reason the witnesses don't allow members to do outside research in non-witness publications . They keep them more controlled that way.
MYELAINE- Thanks for the input. If there is a God - I'm sure he loves us and our babies more than the WT society.
PASSWORD PROTECTED- Very true. All the GB did was wave the carrot in front of us constantly and con us into believing 1914 was of any significance . Waste of time.
BOYZONE- My god. What an experience. Your personal experience and the lady Ray Franz mentioned in the book. How horrible someone would be pressured to the point of suicide by the WT society. And of course, they'd never admit blame. I'm so glad you were able to pull through your crisis Boyzone. I'm glad you read Ray's book when you did to help you understand. We enjoy your comments on the board ! I'm glad you're still with us sis ! Life is a treasure !
BRINJEN- Very true- we were WAY overburdened in the witnesses and were made to feel guilty if we couldn't handle those burdens. They would try to make us feel weird because everybody else was allegedly " happy ". The truth of the matter is that everone else was just as miserable as us. But some hid it better than others.
MARY- Interesting point you make - a witness having the same mentality as a battered mate. I agree. Not a stretch at all to say that. Battered mates live in fear constantly with head cowering- so do Jehovah's Witnesses . They walk in terror of elders sometimes, they practically think the GB is God - so the carrot is constantly in front of them to " Do more ! Do More ! " Almost makes us understand how a horse feels getting whipped to get running faster. But the WT society does keep it's members so busy they NEVER have time to meditate and think.
But you are correct- the more confident the cult member is in his or her own skin - the less opportunity for the cult to control a independent person who has good self esteem.
ISAAC AUSTIN- I'm glad that you are able to build a good self image up in your children ! Keep the good work up ! It was hard growing up as witnesses because many of us had parents who never complimented us ( My dad never did ) But my mom always did. Since you worked hard to build up a good self image towards yourself- your children feel that condfidence ooze out of you. I'm sure they will do fine.
LIFELONG HUMANIST- I agree with you. I feel much better about myself also after being in the witnesses 44 years. Been out 6 now. The JW's do have a narrow view of Christianity and it's very legalistic and rule oriented in nature. Just perform, perform.
OTWO- Good points. I don't buy into the " imperfection crap " either. I think that there is a lot of imperfection in nature as you say and it's just reality in life that everything or everyone won't be perfect. But when I left the organization I made a conscious decision I wasn't going to beat myself up for it. I was born into it- had no choice- but I actually felt empowered when I finally DID make the choice to leave ! Best decision I ever made. We can all decide to like ourselves or dislike ourselves. I chose to like myself .
WTWIZARD- I too feel the " imperfect state " is a complete scam as well. It forces witnesses to feel a need to always be striving to prove themselves - because they will never be " good " enough. It's like drinking from a glass with a hole in it - it always has to be filled. So a person never gets to the point " Hey ! I feel good about myself ! " because it's always one more thing to reach out for ! And I also think this concentrating on being " imperfect " makes witnesses needlessly negative all the time.
PISTOFF- Good point. It is a selling point of the WT society to make people feel THEY have the answer for our " imperfections ". But I agree with Roger Daltry- "I don't need to be forgiven . " Amen to that
I heard an EX CO speak at a WNFJ convention and he said that the relationship between the Watchtower society and the rank and file is an overbearing parent to a child. The child is NEVER allowed to grow up. NEVER allowed no matter how many years spent in servitude and studying to be independent of the parent. NEVER good enough. NEVER doing enough. NEVER worthy of the parent's love. The child works tirelessly to try to please the parent...just get SOME shred of recognition, love, ataboys...nothing. Nothing ever comes. The endless futility of it wears on the child and they dare not speak of their fatigue or distress or anger to any of the other children for fear of angering the parent. The only way out becomes taking pills, or feigning a PHYSICAL illness when in reality the illness is of their SOUL. They cant say they are depressed so they resort to homeopathic remedies to cure the emptiness they feel inside. And the endless waiting and waiting and waiting for the paradise that will relieve them all that never comes....
Its a SICK SICK SICK arrangement.
It's so true that there are 2 camps of people in the org., as you all have pointed out. Those who feel incredibly unworthy and those who have the "air of superiority".
But I believe that even those with the "air of superiority" suffer low self-esteem. As one of you pointed out, these are the ones who do everything they can to beat on their fellow slaves. And why do they do it? To make themselves feel better!!
They are just expressing low self-seteem in a different way than those who feel incredibly unworthy.
I hate guilt, I hate what it does to people, and I saw firsthand how people can simply pick up a WT, call their elders an hour later crying because they aren't "doing enough". It's sick. I mean it. Mentally unhealthy.
Good point palmtree. Lack of self esteem shows itself in different ways.
WUZLOVESDUBS- You are right, it is a sick arrangement to be sure. The WT society is like a bullying parent who a child can never please. Can never turn in enough time. Never answer enough at the meetings. Never attend enough meetings. The list goes on and on. And never any commendation either - it exhausts a person.
PALMTREE67- I agree- I think even the superior acting people suffer from low self esteem as well. It's to offset their insecurities about themselves that they abuse others. True. It's really sad how this organization treats people.
ALL TIME JEFF- I agree. It is horribly mentally unhealthy to always feel guilt over things. I remember hearing fellow witnesses talk about how inadequate they felt, or guilty they couldn't do more because of debilitating illness. I'd just tell them, " Don't be so hard on yourself- Jehovah appreciates what you do ! " But they were getting a DIFFERENT message from the WT society. They were being told it WASN"T good enough ! Bastards
ALL TIME JEFF- I agree. It is horribly mentally unhealthy to always feel guilt over things. I remember hearing fellow witnesses talk about how inadequate they felt, or guilty they couldn't do more because of debilitating illness. I'd just tell them, " Don't be so hard on yourself- Jehovah appreciates what you do ! " But they were getting a DIFFERENT message from the WT society. They were being told it WASN"T good enough ! Bastards.
I agree with your comments to Jeff here Mr Flip. When I was "encouraged" with the words "don't be so hard on yourself", the first thing I thought of was the words of Peter when he said to Jesus "Be kind to yourself Lord". Remember Jesus reply? He said, "get behind me Satan, you think not God's thoughts bu those of men".
So as crazy as it sounds, not only is the guilt piled on by the Society, but its as if the bible was endorsing it too. Anyone who told me to ease up became like Satan to me.
God, how crazy is that! No wonder the guilt can be such a crushing weight for some. You hate yourself for failing, the Society dump on you for failing, then it seems as if the bible does too. Its a wonder any of us are still sane.
Thanks for your lovely reply to me, I really appreciate it. Its good to be alive!
To everyone who posted here,
Thank you.
" Good for nothing slaves."
That phrase still brings up such ill-feelings to me!!! My 4 siblings and I still resent this type of talk and spirit to us when young. We have all raised our children quite differently as most of them were very little when we exited. They were taught our unconditional love and were taught their trueness of their personal value.
Years of feeling worthless and also trying to cultivate the qualities of meekness and humility
makes for a very low self-esteem person. The borg treat you like dog poo and the world may think you are a
nice person but weak.The world will eat you up with those type of qualities..
