by bluecanary 21 Replies latest jw friends
I left the JWs one year ago by moving accross the country and not going to a new hall. The dubs in my last hall knew I was moving and they know I haven't requested my card for a new hall. What do they usually do in such a circumstance?
Better be careful and get rid of your literature. They have embedded homing devices. The new NWT Bibles now contain the JehovahJack TM Witness Recovery System TM . They will find you and reassimilate you.
BTS
Both she and her husband were present when I told her I was done with the Witnesses.
Being "done" with them does not mean that you are disassociating yourself. You haven't written a letter. You haven't - in your new area - given anyone reason to believe that you are a JW, therefore you aren't Bringing Reproach on the Organization™.
Perhaps a little Theocratic War Strategy™ is in order. You could say that you have a lot of anger toward (or better still have been Stumbled™ by) the way the Brothers™ treated you when you were having marital problems, and you are finding it difficult to forgive them. You just need time and space away from it all to get perspective.
the subject title of this thread
struck me... the juxtaposition
of "instant" and "fade"....
i totally agree with
what undercover said....
fades are methodical and
incremental, encouraging
an out of sight, out of mind
response from the JWs...
Thanks for the responses.Thank you for understanding, OTWO and for the advice, Tom and Scully.
I'm still pretty new here, so I'm not sure what the best terminology is to use. My imediate family and I decided to have no more to do with the witnesses when we moved about a day's drive away from our last hall. I have no relatives who are witnesses and I'm not currently in contact with any former witness friends. I wasn't DF'd. I haven't informed any elders that I'm DAing. As far as they're concerned I fell of the edge of the world. What do you call that?
Maybe you should contact one of the other members here, I cannot remember who. I remember seeing thread from one poster that is still in that said he could get your records transfered to wherever, not another KH, but yet maybe to you personally. This would make your old congo feel that you are in good standing. Then just fade....
bluecanary,
If I understand correctly, the only reason you don't DA is to keep contact with one friend who already knows you're "done". Do you really want to keep contact and expect them to come out?
I guess your current status would be "missing". I think that "fading" involves inactivity while keeping contact with active dubs.
DA is the best way to cut the ties and move on. "Fading" keeps you looking over your shoulder for fear of "discovery".
B the X
As far as they're concerned I fell of the edge of the world. What do you call that?
"Instant Fade" was a good name for it. Fading means cutting back to eventually disappear without ever getting DA'ed or DF'ed.
Walking away all at once sometimes accomplishes the same thing.
I just wish some more would appreciate that they can start cutting back even if they can't do what you did.
Thomas15's "danger" scenario describes your situation pretty good. Giving what he wants could put you back onto the elder's RADAR.
If they give him the green light to remarry, they may feel obligated to DF you. While it seems it might not be a big deal, you already stated your feelings: "I decided to have no more to do with the witnesses when we moved about a day's drive away from our last hall."
So, as you already stated, have nothing more to do with them. Tell the ex if you want, "I admit to nothing. I have nothing to tell the Witnesses, for your sake or otherwise. Go get married if you like, but don't expect me to sign some release. I already divorced you, you are free of me."
I think most men will get tired of the WTS telling them to remain single and celibate, though I know at least one who tolerates it for years.
That's how you are doing him a favor.
If I understand correctly, the only reason you don't DA is to keep contact with one friend who already knows you're "done".
No, that's not it. The only reason I don't DA is because of the cretins in my last hall who thought I was either fake or weak as a witness. They will assume I left for one of those reasons, which is entirely untrue. I left when I discovered that the witnesses were not backed by God and not a minute before hand. And I fully admit to being just insecure enough to care about that misimpression.
I just want to be clear that I do not spend a lot of time thinking about this or looking over my shoulder. These are just feelings in the back of my mind and I was curious enough and comfortable enough to ask the members of this board what they thought.
As for my friend, I don't expect her to DA or DF because she has no need to. She's already inactive. She married a worldly guy who is now studying and trying to get baptized but their meeting attendance is erratic at best. She suffers from depression and has an emotionally abusive relationship with her witness father but semi-supportive relationships with other JW family. Neither she nor her husband works due to phyical and psychological issues.
She always relied on me to be a source of encouragement and upbuilding. That's one of the reasons she said she couldn't keep up a relationship with me anymore, because if I wasn't a witness, we could no longer have spiritual conversations. I'd like to show her that the opposite is true. I don't feel like I've yet done all I can do to salvage this relationship and I won't be ready to give up until I do. I see no reason why, if she so chooses, she can't continue to live exactly the same lifestyle, being a witness in name only as she is now, but not having the burden of guilt she carries for not living the proper dub lifestyle. I know how heavy the guilt they place on you is, even when you are doing everything right. She has enough problems without that.
Okay blue c. that fills in some gaps...
The dubs in my last hall knew I was moving and they know I haven't requested my card for a new hall. What do they usually do in such a circumstance?
They will typically put your card in with the "inactive". Probably check with your ex for your whereabouts. If they're ambitious, they could notify the local congregation where you are and that you need a visit.
If they get word that I'm not a witness anymore, will my ex-husband be considered free to remarry, even without proof of fornication?
No, he needs to provide proof of fornication. But that can be rather easy to fabricate if you're not around to deny.
Would his local elders try to track my hall down? Is that possible?
Almost anything is "possible", but I wouldn't see "his local elders" getting involved. It would only be the last cong you attended or the one you live in now. They wouldn't take the word of one non-dub that you're DA. They probably wouldn't take the word of both of them, either.
I'm not worried about, if for no other reason than the guy weighs more than 400 pounds and lives in his parents basement.
Sounds hot. I've known enough cases where a dub worked super hard to prove that they were free to remarry... only to find that nobody wanted to marry them... nobody. But then, maybe there's a 600 pound sister living in her parents attic that dreams of meeting your ex. Would you want to stand in the way of her happiness? Would you want to stand in either of their way? SMASH!
The only reason I don't DA is because of the cretins in my last hall who thought I was either fake or weak as a witness. They will assume I left for one of those reasons, which is entirely untrue. I left when I discovered that the witnesses were not backed by God and not a minute before hand. And I fully admit to being just insecure enough to care about that misimpression.
The cretins in your last hall are going to say whatever they want to anyway. Your best response is to lead a full and happy life. Maybe visit them at the next Memorial wearing a white robe and partake. Make yummy sounds when you crunch the cracker and make slurping sounds when you finish the entire glass of wine. No, I wouldn't do it. But it's funny to picture.
Sounds like you are rather free to do what you want, at this point. It's just a wait and see what the dubs do now.
B the X
The only reason I don't DA is because of the cretins in my last hall who thought I was either fake or weak as a witness. They will assume I left for one of those reasons, which is entirely untrue. I left when I discovered that the witnesses were not backed by God and not a minute before hand. And I fully admit to being just insecure enough to care about that misimpression.
Well, I don't know if it's any consolation to you, but the JWs you knew will probably have forgotten about you in a few years' time. The ones who knew me never bothered to keep in touch - it was an entirely one-sided "friendship" after we moved away. I did all the letter writing and phone calls. The only time any of them contacted us was when they wanted to spend the night at our house while they were in town on vacation, and only because they were too cheap to go to a hotel.
Hopefully by the time they have forgotten all about you, you will have become strong enough to not give a hoot about what they think of you. Goodness knows some of the rumors that have gotten back to me about Mr Scully and me are the most outlandish things I've ever heard. All of it fabricated, all of it untrue, all of it manufactured to demonize us for Leaving Jehovah™. They are trying to make us into some kind of poster family of a trainwrecked life. Which is the furthest thing from reality that I can possibly imagine.
