First off I'd like to say hello to everyone on this forum, especially those who clicked on my topic.
I was baptized on Sept 9, 2000 when i was 15. Looking back I only did it because I had been studying with the same brother for 2 years and it seemed like the next logical step.I have 3 half siblings who at one point were all going to the meetings but were never baptized. None are in any way affiliated with any congregation at all and live a long way from myself and my mom.
My mother and I are the only ones in my family who have been baptized and as of Dec. 2008 I moved into my own place because things were just too tense between us. I figured it would be beneficial for our stress levels if i moved out.
When I became inactive my mom kept asking why. I simply told her that I didn't want to go out in service or to the meetings anymore. At the time I still somewhat believed it was "the truth" and felt guilty about it. With all the meetings missed I sometimes got a brother coming to our house on Saturday mornings waking me up usually. Eventually it stopped and I lost contact with some of my closest friends I ever had.
Fast forward to when I moved out I found myself in a bad depression over this past winter. I realized I wasn't close to any of the friends i used to be. I didn't want to hear "go back to the meetings and you'll feel better". I knew that wasn't a cure all. Still, I did have on friend who was in the same band as I was. A "semi-active" memeber of the congregation that shared the hall i went to. He told me that if I were ever to be DF'd he'd still talk and associate me. He didn't care what people thought of it. That meant alot to me since at the time I thought it would be a good thing to go to the elders and tell them I had "committed fornication". I held out for awhile and then I started doing some research on the internets.
I found this forum as well as other JW/exJW sites and started taking all the information in. I then ordered a copy of Crisis of Conscience and just finished it last week. My eyes were finally opened. I no longer had to feel guilty about not going to meetings or feild service. I still revert back to the old way of thinking a lot as it's only been a coulpe months of lurking around here and there but I seem to adapt well.
When I heard of the layoffs going around at work i immediately thought about what am I going to do now? I only have a high school education. I thought of the miitary. Long story short I go for my ASVAB test today. Now i have the problem of telling my mother about it. It's not about getting DF'd or DA'd that bothers me, it's how it would make her very upset and sad. I'm not sure it would be appropriate to start bashing the belief system she brought me up in. I almost want her to stay in the organization because it's all she has. Is this the right attitude? I really don't know.
I'm writing and posting this because I need to vent. The only person I told about the military is a friend i made at work. But it is really hard for him to understand how a parent or anyone in the organization feels. That is why I would appreciate any comments or criticism or whatever.
If you made it here, thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.