open marriages, anyone have experience? (page 7)

scootergirl

thread resurrection

NO kidding! This has taught me a lesson to check the dates on posts! lol

Surreptitious

Can't help but take note of what the ol' guitar player with the very pretty wife said here:

Open marriages eh?
Go on, give it a try!
The marriage WILL end, without any doubt. You see, people who have an open marriage are really hankering back to their free days of singleness. It's hard for some people to say "Wow, Is this the only person that I am ever going to have sex with again?"
You do get couples who have an affection for each other who sometimes agree to play around anyway. It happens, but your marriage is doomed the minute you have sex with someone else because you are not prepared to pay the price of a happy marriage which is to forsake all others.
Sorry, I don't mean to be a kill-joy, but if you can't resist shagging someone else, then you ain't gonna spend the rest of your life together!
Sorry ladies but you have totally blown it. These husbands WILL move on and leave you, that I promise, you mark my words and remember please that I told you.
Englishman.

COMF

Interesting to read with fresh eyes my thoughts of a year ago. That philosophical flag is still flying high.

LucidSky

Since everyone else is posting to this ancient thread...

I read the story. Sorry things didn't work out with PA, Joel. I think what some of the other poster's said was true in your case. The discussion of open marriage MUST be done before it starts. Otherwise, it's cheating --> which leads to jealousy --> which leads to hurt/hate. Not good for any relationship.

I'm not sure if I would be comfortable with an "open relationship" yet. But Feral said something that caught my attention: "we realize that faithfulness and exclusiveness aren't the same thing" So why is it okay to have many platonic friends throughout our lives, but we apply a different standard for sex and romantic relationships?

safe4kids

(((Anne and Joel)))

Sorry to hear that things didn't work out for you both. I know that the ending of a marriage is very painful, more so when children are involved. I hope that, for your own sakes and especially for your kid(s?), you are able to leave any bitterness behind and remain friends. I wish you both well.

Dana

Xena

So why is it okay to have many platonic friends throughout our lives, but we apply a different standard for sex and romantic relationships?

Good question...I think personally because so many people attach so much meaning to sex. To them the sexual act is sacred and only to be performed with someone you love. Therefore if you do it with someone else you are violating that sacred act.

Open marriages can work, just like regular ones do...and open marriages can fail, just like regular ones do....it all boils down to two people and what they want out of life and their relationship....and a realization that change is inevitible..for good or bad..

Lutece

The discussion of open marriage MUST be done before it starts.

Pierced Angel here, This was not the problem, we discussed things thoroughly. We thought we were so cool and playing a game where we'd have fun, freedom and fantasy fulfilled. There just was no way this would work between two people who had a lot of serious issues to begin with. I'm not going to say I still believe in an open marriage, but I do believe that two people who love each other should be able to always respect each other and not terrorize one another or the marriage is a sham to begin with. Sexual games and cheating just add to the dysfunction. It was one of our last ditch efforts to save a crumbling marriage and I am sorry I ever took part in it. We both got burned. I will say that there are many other issues at play.

Let's see, what have I learned? If your marriage is in trouble, don't bring other people into the picture. Either fix it or get out of it first. Now Joel and I, we're just trying to heal and remain on friendly terms. I should have considered counseling for the two of us a long time ago, but mistakes that can't be fixed have been made.

I guess this was a shared board learning experience. Too bad we didn't take the earlier advice,

Anne

shera

Well,each to their own....whatever make a person happy.

I'm a one man, woman.

scootergirl

I'm a one man, woman

Me too. To be honest, I don't really want anymore than one.......one is plenty! Good Lord, one is plenty......lol

shera

HAHAHA...yes I agree with that!

open marriages, anyone have experience?

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