by flipper 41 Replies latest jw friends
The fear & guilt has been gone for years.
The bit I struggle with is convincing myself that it wasn't my fault.
Even though I was born into the cult, I still feel some responsibility for my actions during the decades when I had enough information to realise that I had been bullied into believing the unbelievable but didn't act on it. People who were in my care are victims of the cult as the result of that.
Cheers
Chris
Rather than feel guilt, it is bad training from the cockroach witlesses (and Jehovah Himself withholding opportunity, so He can use me for His nefarious purposes) that is holding me back. Guilt-wise, I now have a different set of standards--rather than abide by the Unholy Bible (which lies) or the Washtowel Babble and Crap Slaveholdery (which lies), I now use the simple standards. Initiating the use of force, threats of force, or fraud against another person or their property is what I see is wrong, not refusing to abide by what the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger tells me.
And, being one of Jehovah's Witlesses would violate that very essence. Every time I place some littera-trash, that is a death threat (they will die unless they join the religion). Every time I solicit a donation on the basis of the Worldwide "Bible" Education Work, that is initiatory fraud (most of the money is actually used in nefarious purposes, including protecting pedophiles). Hounding people to get rid of things they never had a problem with, because it "might" cause a problem now, is initiating fraud (forcing someone to give up something with a promise) and threat of initiatory force (getting destroyed, stumbling others, etc.) All of which violates the very essence of what I now try to abide by.
I am an extremely fortunate person. When I broke free from the society it really didn't take me long to make up my mind to know that this wasn't the truth at all. With that knowledge it made leaving relatively easy in comparrisson to what some on here have gone through.
Once I walked out of those doors, my mind, soul and spirit were set on a different path. It took about 6 months to break down all the doctrine and educated myself on what the organisation as a whole had done/doing. Once that settled in and once I found my feet again, the guild and fear fell away. I can honestly say I don't feel any over that anymore.
I love my life. I love the freedom to be exactly who I am. I love that I can sleep in. I love that if I want to swear (and there are times for expletives) that I can. I love that sexuality is not a dirty thing. I love that I can drink a couple of glasses and not be worried that I've gone over the limit in brother so and so's eyes. Yet I'm totally free of them.
Yes, I personally was broken free in 95 when the Wt changed up on their 1914 generation doctrine. It showed me that they were nothing special. Years laters it hit me that this was actually a false prophecy. Seeing the org for what it was allowed me to research points with a free mind and see most of them to be baseless.
Getting to a point of self actualization is a process rather than a particular end goal, its always ongoing.
Not getting sucked back into another cult like the Fundamentalists or Baptists practices requires diligence and self respect and a desire to keep growing. Keep your guard up.
designs
designs...what is your current status, if you do not mind my asking?
The only time I felt fear and guilt was when I was in the b0rg. The day I left that just evaporated. It's cliche, but it really felt like a huge weight was taken off me. I've felt free ever since.
MMENTONE- Welcome to the board ! I'm glad your wife is getting professional counseling from a therapist to work through these issues ! Look forward to hearing how things are going for you guys.
YKNOT- That is good you are reading Crisis of Conscience. I did also and it helped reaffirm the doubts I had suspicions about. You will get over the guilt in time- it just takes time.
WHA HAPPENED- Yeah, I think we all struggle with the guilt at first coming out. I agree the rules and regulations are really psychotic .
TRUTHSEEKERIAM- Glad you see the light at the end of the tunnel . Keep the good work up ! It gets easier- I promise.
THE BEREAN- Good post and good thoughts by you ! It's interesting how our minds work and we can associate things we've experienced in the witnesses by watching movies ! I've done that as well at times. A similar scenario we experienced under mind control will come out in a movie and I'll make the connection also in my mind. Many times the alleged " fears " we are scared of are just creations of our mind.
BLACK SHEEP- I was raised in the cult like yourself so I understand what you are saying blaming yourself. But don't beat yourself up so bad friend. ALL of us were under the spell of cult mind control because we were led to believe we would be destroyed if we didn't believe in the WT society. And I know for myself - even though I had doubts for years- what kept me from voicing my doubts out loud was being dissapproved by witness family members which I didn't want to lose. Now some accept me, some don't , but I deal with it.
WTWIZARD- I'm glad you've set a different set of standards for yourself WT. The WT society tried to get all of us to perpetrate their fraud on innocent people - all we can do is be honset with ourselves and not play the game.
LOUBELLE- I am like you - I didn't feel marred by guilt or fear after I stopped going 6 years ago to meetings at all. Just moved on and made a new life for myself. It is a great feeling to not feel guilty or be in fear of unrealistic thoughts the WT society put into our minds !
ISAAC AUSTIN- I hear what you are saying about the " generation " doctrine not coming true. It pretty much sealed the deal for me as well in seeing the WT society was just a cult trying to instill fear and guilt into people. Then to top that off seeing and experiencing injustices by elders helped put the nail in the coffin so to speak- at least for me.
DESIGNS- I agree becoming a self actualizing person is very important to experience in your personality. It helps you think clearly and keep your independence and free thinking mind.
BLUECANARY- I too felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders leaving the witnesses. A ton of bricks off of me ! Finally. Freedom is sweet ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
The more I am reading on here, the less guilty I feel. Although when I read a post by WTWizard talking about Satan in positive light, on another thread, I really felt bad. I still have a long way to go to break over 40 years of brain washing.
Although when I read a post by WTWizard talking about Satan in positive light, on another thread, I really felt bad.
Why don't you ask the Wizard to pony up some evidence of said Satan.
