Did the elders in your congregation give counsel to those that were DATING? Good or bad counsel?

BonaFide

I have heard some doozies. Some elders forbid the couple from sitting together at the meetings unless they are engaged. I have heard that said from the platform. Also, some elders have read from the Young People Ask book that says a couple should not kiss unless they are engaged. In fact the Young People Ask book says no kissing unless "marriage seems imminent." (YPA P. 255)

I tried to be cool about that when I was a C.O., I didn't really get involved unless someone complained about something serious the other person was doing.

We had a C.O. once who said that dating couples, or any brother and sister, should not be in a car together alone, unless the sister rides in the back seat.

In Spanish congregations, I have seen that if a brother showed any interest in a sister, the elders would meet with him to discuss his intentions, and the seriousness of marriage, etc, etc.

What have you seen, or experienced as far as dating couples and elders are concerned?

BF

MrsPeaches

I know of a couple dating at the moment and they have been told they are not to talk to each other for 6 months because of the gossiping going on in the congregation. Yes this couple, who want happiness, are being punished for the loose tongues of others... You have to love the JW justice scheme.

NINfan05

my husband and i got married very young. i was 18 and he was 19. we together since we were 14 and 15. of course my dad was in denial being an elder he had to make himself look good. (always) well we got engaged when i was 17. only then were we actually taken serious by any elder. of course we then had to go in front of a commitee cuz we got in trouble. lol

allelsefails

I remember my wife and I rode together to a "get together" at a sister's house while we were dating and people kept asking "Did you come together?" and seemed shocked that we were in a car together. I know the WTS published that it is a bad idea to sit in a parked car with your date - I'll attest that things can definitly happen there :-) But to drive together? Stupid. The Elders assigned my wife's friend (her next door neighbor) to keep an eye on us and would ask what time I left the house, how long I stayed, etc.. If anyone talked to me about it I would tell them "Thank you for your concern, but it is none of your business." I never did care what judgemental people thought about my life. Screw them and the horse they rode in on was my attitude. Even as they still made me a servant and elder, but all I did was make trouble. Like shouldn't we warn people about that pedophile? and That elder hitting on my wife should be removed. They asked me to step down after 6 years because I thought the bible was our instruction book, but they like GB/CO letters more - silly me.......

NINfan05

oh yeah i had a sister pull me into a coat room to tell me that she saw me and my fiance' in the same car and if i didnt tell my dad she was going to tell the elders about it. i was so upset i cried the whole meeting in the bathroom. i dont see what the big deal was...we were just going to mcdonalds drive through lol guess i should have thought about all the dumb asses out in field circus. glad thats the only time she or anyone else saw us...haha

JustHuman14

They always did!!! Usual staff, avoid being alone in the car, dark places, chose places with crowds

AlexHall

haha, this brings back memories :) I was 17 when I meet my ex-wife. And in the progress of moving from my old cong. The body of elders in my old cong asked to meet with me and had a long talk about the seriousness about dating. And all I remember was the warm fussy feeling in my body when I got to hold hands with the ex for the first time. So naive and harmless ;)

After a couple of months my brother talked to me because he had heard rumors about me and the ex kissing in puplic spaces.. haha, that cracked me up :)

I love the fact that the Jw tries to micromanage everything so that nothing can happen. What they don´t understand is that if you want something to happen, it will, and the elders can´t do anything about it... well well

wantarevolution

it's weird, cos when my wife and I got together, it was pretty much the exact opposite - we were basically ignored, in a good way. No tuts when we arrived at meetings or parties together. Also it was pretty much a given that we hung out together in each others apartments all the time - sometimes our flatmates were there ,sometimes not. It is just how it rolls in this congregation.

Even "the talk" before we got married was more about our responsibilites towards each other - and then there was the question of it being honourable - it was more "and of course , it has been an honourable courtship, hasn't it?" before going back to how we can honour jehovah and eachother.

However, just because the elders and others were nice, doesn't mean the whole thing isn't bullshit

parakeet

The elders in my KH counseled me when I started dating an unbeliever in my teens. One form their loving counsel took was to bring me up onto the stage before the 100+ dubs in attendance and force me to read aloud scriptures about not "yolking oneself to unbelievers," etc.

This loving counsel really worked well. I married my unbeliever the following month, and we'll celebrate our nearly 40 years of marriage this year.

Thanks, Elders! Were it not for your humiliating and cruel method of administering loving counsel, I might be married to a dub today. Thank you again. I mean this very sincerely.

imconfused

In my old cong, the rule was you had to be 20 or above to date!

Think i was one of the 1st to ignore that one openly, I was 18 & he was 23 (that was the "unofficial year") and 19 when it was official for everyone to see, we moved to the other end of country about 4 weeks later. married when I as 20 & still happily together.

His mam & sis hate me tho as I wasnt scriptural enough! this coming from people who actully came in my face pointing & telling me to keep away from him, his mother pushed me out the way once at the hall when I was talking to him, they were regular pioneers - if they think thats scriptural to go on like that... well ... stuff them. Ho w annoyed tbey were when we moved away & got married & now cant understand why we harldy visit/speak to them

Gotta love the hypocrisy!

Did the elders in your congregation give counsel to those that were DATING? Good or bad counsel?

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