Are you UNDERSTANDING towards Second, Third, and even Fourth-generation Witnesses on this forum?

by BonaFide 38 Replies latest jw friends

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  BonaFide

  Do you all realize how tough it is for a second-generation Witness? What about a third-generation Witness? Fourth?

  When someone starts their post off with the words, "I am a third-generation Witness," does that make you stop and think what life is like for them?

  I went out in service this morning with the elders of my congregation. (Yea, I know.) One of them is a third-generation Witness. His father graduated from the second class of Gilead. Then his father went to his foreign assignment, then came back to the US and became a circuit overseer and then got married and had his family. This brother spent ALL MORNING talking about his "spiritual legacy." He was not bragging, at least not in my opinion, but his ENTIRE LIFE has been with the Organization. All his memories and his family's memories and their "high points" in life have been related to being Witnesses. Yes, low points too. But Gilead, Assemblies, Talks, Baptisms, Parties, Weddings, Funerals, ITS ALL WITNESSES ALL THE TIME AND IT HAS BEEN FOR GENERATIONS OF FAMILIES. Their grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, even children, are Witnesses. These are people that would NEVER question the Society, because after all, did their grandparents? NO. Did their parents? NO. So with this LEGACY, valid or not, how do we expect people to jump ship and swim?

  How could they even BEGIN to doubt something that has been passed on from generation to generation? IT IS THEIR LIFE.

  Those of you that get on here and say, "Hey, dude, just quit the JW's man, make some new friends and memories, drop those friends and family anyway, they don't care about you. Move on, bro!" That might be easy for someone who became a Witness fairly recently, or someone who is married and their mate feels the same as them, but what about those that are alone in this, whose entire family and extended family have been and ARE and WILL BE Witnesses?

  What about those who don't care much about anything EXCEPT for family?

  I am only a second-generation Witness and its terribly difficult for me to think about breaking free. I am happy for those that are doing that, hey, reach for the stars!

  Suppose you always wanted to be a doctor, and after 40 years of living, you are told you can in fact practice as a doctor, but in another country, away from family and friends, and you will not be able to come back here, WOULD YOU DO IT?

  What you say to all this? Is this a rant, or do I make sense? Beating a dead horse?

  BF
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  Johnnytwofeet

  Ahhhh thanks Bonafide. I was missing your weekly, "Pretend I am an apostate polling other apostates for thoughts" diatribes. We get it Family is important. A lot of us here miss our family. How convenient and nice of you to come remindus all how much we do. I'm sure that's just a coincidence though and you're just looking for honest feedback.

  OF course.
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  purplesofa

  We have two huge families that are entertwined by marriages in the congo I came from.

  Third and fourth generations, of Aunts and Uncles, on both sides, elders, MS, and PO.

  I can appreciate how hard it is, but I do see many in these families that have left the organization or never got baptised.

  The ones that left, decided it was not the life for them and have moved on making new lives for themselves.

  They are not debating over and over in their minds about allot of the different things we discuss on this board.

  They made clean clearcut decisions and I am sure with sacrifices.

  purps
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  Georgiegirl

  Whoa. And today's Snarky Award goes to Johnnytwofeet! (shakes head). Really, people, does it always HAVE to go there?

  Bonafide - yes. I get it. I am third generation and quite frankly, my family would "outrank" your elder friend. I faded and I'm fairly discreet. I don't post much because I am not In Your Face with being out of JWs...it's just not my personal style. There is alot of anger here by people who did choose the pay the price against people who have not made that choice. Just like JW shunning doesn't endear us to any of the organization, neither does snarkiness on the part of those who are out toward those still in.

  I don't think there is a good, clear, firm answer to your questions because everyone is different. For me? YES. I would do it. I have a great life now but it took a couple of years (and a good therapist) to get here. Even though I faded and not DF'd or DA'd, my family still doesn't have much to do with me. I've created my own family out of dear friends who understand the real meaning of love and loyalty - my "worldly heathens" - (said with great affection).

  Let me ask you this (and it's a little harsh) - if some horrific accident wiped out your family and you were left alone, would you survive? Would you go on? Of course you would. And eventually the pain and grief would fade and you would create a new and healthy life for yourself. The same can happen here. You don't know what will happen. You don't know if your family would eventually leave or not. You CAN move on. YOU have to make that choice. Until you do, you will continue to live in the confused, miserable, and depressed hell that you CHOOSE to live in. It's all about choice. It takes courage. I think most of all - it takes really believing in yourself and your abilities.

  Where do you want to be in 5 years? Still floundering about? For me and many others here? That would be a waste of our lives. For others, it's the right choice. (shrugs) But don't be angry at those who don't seem to "get" the difficulty - because so many of us do.
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  BonaFide

  Hey, Johnny, thanks for the feedback. I wish I had more unusual stuff to offer, I am kind of repetitive I guess. I came home from service today after listening to that elder and I just got on here and typed away.

  BF
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  warmasasunned

  a point well made,but i think you miss the point of most people who have left the jw`s. personally if people want to stay in the jw`s thats fine,if there doing it because they don`t want to leave there family and friends, fine,its there choice.

  but as an xwitness i like to discuss whats happening now, whats happened in the past, why i left,why i would`nt go back. and if i can help someone by a kind word or a bit of experience, then i`m helping my fellow man. hey all you jw`s out there if you want to stay in...do so,for whatever reason, as long as it makes sense to you.
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  OUTLAW

  We have a lot of generation Dubs here..I`m 3rd.........Is it hard to leave?..I just walked away one day and never went back.......Did I pay a Price?..Dam straight.......Was it worth it?..Absolutely...................................OUTLAW
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  Scarred for life

  I was a 2nd generation JW. All of my mother's family were and are JWs. I absolutely appreciate how hard it is. But I left. I was never baptized. It was certainly not the life for me and I would never, ever have raised my children in this abusive cult. I would not do to my children what was done to me. I made a new life for myself. It can be done. I have nothing in common with any of my JW extended family. I find that any time I am around them all they can talk about is the Kingdom Hall and the latest assembly and the latest Awake magazine. I have nothing to talk about with them. If I tell them what a wonderful Christmas I had they look at me with glazed eyes. If I brag about my daughter who swims competively then of course they just think that she should be spending that time out in "field service". If I tell them about my other daughter's mission trip to Cambodia they think that she is part of "Babylon the Great". What I'm trying to say is there is nothing to talk about except the weather.

  If you leave the cult, and start your own new life you will find this to be true also very quickly.

  Yes, there are sacrifices. Only you can decide if it is worth it. It was for me.
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  purplesofa

  A therapist once told me

  Your outlook will become different when you are not running away from something but running to something.

  purps
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  BonaFide

  When I was a true believer, I did notice that even some Witnesses just weren't that close to family or friends. They went to movies alone, or drove somewhere alone. They enjoyed the solitude.

  I can't stand being alone. I am sure someone will say there is something wrong with me because of that, maybe its true. But I don't enjoy being alone at all. I don't like to drive places alone, I hate to work out alone, I have to admit, even a boring gathering is better than nothing.

  When I first became a missionary in 1989, the Internet was not in wide use yet. I got a phone call every two weeks from my family. In my assignment, the people were different, the food was different, TV, everything. I really missed my family, my friends. A bunch of them came to visit over the years, and I made great friends there, but I never made it my home. Several other MTS graduates were assigned there. Most of them left after exactly two years. I stayed for over a decade. One MTS graduate is still there.

  Perhaps if I had stayed around here I would feel differently, but after being thousands of miles away for years, I am not looking forward to doing essentially the same thing again for some more years.

  Yes, I know, I am repeating my old threads again...

  BF