dont guys get disfellowshipped for hitting wives ?

by looloo 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • looloo

    it confused me that my friend was hit and abused by her dull hubby for years and was told by a elder to just put up with it as she was warned not to get involved with him as a teenager (the best way to throw two people together , usually) and she did put up with it for years and finally left him and the religion at the same time , then 8 months later was disfellowshipped for smoking (i thought you could not get disfellowshipped after being inactive for 8 months ) anyway how come hubby was not even told off for hitting his wife but as soon as she had enough and walked and smoked to cope with the stress she was straight out , i think its sexist , anyone know of a guy getting kicked out for domestic violence ?

  • dinah

    I've never seen it happen. They usually just tell the woman to be a better wife and try not to make him mad.

  • shamus100

    Of course not. But to be honest, those cases are extreme and not very common. I knew of two cases, and nothing was ever done.

  • snowbird

    I know of one case.

    They divorced; he was reinstated and went on to marry 2 more times.

    Something was always wrong with that boy.


  • insearchoftruth
    Something was always wrong with that boy.

    Well sounds like he was protected by the org......women have no rights at all in the org, unless they are married to rank......

  • sir82

    Smackin' the little woman around is not in the elders' manual as a DF offense, problem!

  • palmtree67

    I believe the counsel is that if the woman really feels her life is in danger, then separation is tolerated, but with the warning that you are now opening up yourself and the man for possible relationships with the opposite sex, and we all know where that leads....(insert guilt trip here) With my husband, he was menatlly and emotionally abusive. The counsel was that it would be NICE if he could be nice to me....but it seemed to be mostly optional for him. I mean, it's not like I could leave, if he refused to change, right??.......

  • snowbird

    He was protected, indeed.

    He was DF'd because the girl's mother took a picture of her bruised face and mailed it to the Service Desk in Brooklyn.

    Nearly killed his mother!


  • Nowman

    Well, in 1983 when I was 9, my mom finally was able to get divorced from my dad because she had PROOF he commited adultry. But, all the years prior, he beat the crap out of her, and her and I would leave, then come back, then leave, then come back...all because the elders told her to do so, but they told her if it he tried to hurt her or myself, we should leave...but then they said go back...

    By the time I was in 4th grade, I think I had already gone to 5 different schools because of them getting separated, then getting back together...


  • cognac

    I was abused by my 1st husband who wasn't baptised. I must say, most elders were very loving and tried to help me. One elder begged and pleaded with me to leave him and get a restraining order but I wouldn't cause I knew he was cheating on me and I was determined to get my scriptural proof. I finally did.

    The elder who said this to me at the end stepped down cause he couldn't handle things anymore. I was a big part of the reason he stepped down. He never blamed me for marrying somebody not baptised. He comforted me when I felt guilty for it.

    Another elder actually had tears when he found out what happened.

    When I finally did get my scriptural divorce and moved away, 2 other elders suggested very strongly I get a restraining order. I finally did when I had basically no choice. I didn't want to because I didn't want to cast a bad light on the BORG.

    One elder blamed me entirely for the abuse saying Jeh's holy spirit wasn't on me because I married somebody not baptised...

    Guess it depends on the elder...

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