To Fade or Not To Fade... An Opinion.....

by AllTimeJeff 57 Replies latest jw friends

  • AllTimeJeff
    AllTimeJeff

    Hello to all. I meant to keep up with this, and simply haven't had a chance. I appreciate everyone sharing their personal feelings and events in their lives. (never easy I know)

    I guess if there is one thing I want to share tonight is that I have broadened my understanding of why faders fade.

    I think it best to leave and be honest about it. I understand better why this can't always happen.

    I hope for those faders that you find the peace you wish, and that for all things sacred, that you can be as true to yourself as you can be.

    Minimus among others mentioned that no matter what way one chooses to exit (i.e. completely, mentally, etc) that it will always be something with us, that leaves its mark. To that, I couldn't agree more. But it is also true that the only true succesful exit is one where we leave on our own terms. If one fades on their own terms, and that is how they want it, they are winners too....

  • C. T. Russell
    C. T. Russell

    AllTimeJeff,

    First I want to say I really appreciate your posts. They are refreshingly neutral and typically very reasonable.

    Personally I’m a fade. I didn’t really want to hurt my family in any way or cause them harm emotionally. It would be unreasonable for me to think that they could just drop decades of belief and still live happy normal lives. Because of my situation I don’t worry about being DF’d.

    At the same time I feel intellectually dishonest. Looking back I realize some are on the fence. Even some in my own family. Am I somehow perpetuating their problems? Would my taking a stand actually help them?

    You said concerning fade “It says that your real feelings, your real viewpoints aren't as important as maintaining the illusion of others.”

    You’re an asshole. I already had guilt. Now I have Apostates making me review my life decisions.

    Your post has caused me to think.

    C. T.

  • diamondiiz
    diamondiiz

    I didn't like going out selling WT publications so I haven't for most of my time I was under WT influence. However odd it may be, I went out with WT junk once in the last 11 years or so. The last time was in '07 which I don't know why I done it but I did. The elder asked me if I enjoyed it and I said no. And didn't go out again and I didn't mark the slip for the hour that I did go out. I was irregular meeting attender but elders never bothered me too much or at least I don't remember them trying to "encourage" me in that way. In 2005 or 2006 I found out about UN scandel which didn't rock my boat too much. In 2007 I found out about the settlements with victims of pedophile lawsuits in May. I knew there was something more to the pedophile payout which I started to look into. 2007 was also a year when I came in contact with an eye opening book - Thy Kingdom Come which really oppened my eyes as to the truth about WTS doctrine. In Jan or Feb of 2008 I stopped everything to do with WT and began to start researching the history and doctrine and all that. After finding out as much as I had, and realizing that GB are decievers and confirming to myself that what I've been discovering about them being factually acurate I knew I had to DA myself. Luckly for me, none of my side of the family belong to WT so it was somewhat easy on my part. Last month I handed in my DA latter and am viewed as an apostate :) I love it, it's great to be free of mind control and bullshit that comes with following GB lies. My wife's entire family is in the Borg but I don't speak to them that much and those that talk to me I consider decent enough to consider them family or friends and those that don't - well who needs them anyways?

    I wish my wife was stronger and would wake up since I have a feeling she knows I am right but doesn't want to admit it so when I throw some WT BS at her she doesn't say nothing. But I image that since her entire family is in the BS religion she won't make a move until they rock the boat too much and finally wake her up. It's her heritage after all - as she claims.

    For me, I rather know who my true friends are than live a double life. My family didn't abandon me when I left Catholic BS religion and that's the beauty of true family and friends. If that's not what I had within the WT religion then these people were/are not worth my time spend talking to them. Freedom is great but the hurt feelings remain and I know the healing process varies from person to person. I hold grudges so I know these feelings will stick around for several years but knowing who I can trust is way better than living a lie thinking that you can trust your friends or family when in fact many of those wil sell you out for what you stand for or will take a word of strangers rather than your word. Those type of friends I have no need for and treat them as non existant. My good friend whom I knew since childhood proved to be of those trusting GB and I told him to have a good life and that's where that friendship went, I don't regret it and I don't need scum in my life.

    I hate the cult mentality and I view it as cancer. When you discover it you want to get it out ASAP! Longer you wait the deeper it will eat at you.

  • cognac
    cognac
    You’re an asshole. I already had guilt. Now I have Apostates making me review my life decisions.

    lol

  • AllTimeJeff
    AllTimeJeff
    You’re an asshole. I already had guilt. Now I have Apostates making me review my life decisions.

    LOL

    Thinking can be a pain in the ass, I don't recommend it for everything....

    It goes without saying that my opinions are just that, opinions. I often have been challenged in my thinking by many posts on this and other boards. It's the only way we really grow.....

  • PrimateDave
    PrimateDave

    I was emotionally ready to fade when I moved to my current location over 3 1/2 years ago. Due to family "encouragement" even over long distance I was soon involved with the local congregation and once again found myself quite involved with the "friends." I was once again regular in FS and MA. I did enjoy the social benefits, too. Nevertheless, the Theocratic Treadmill is tedious, boring, and doesn't even improve one's physical health, unless one counts walking from house to house as a form of exercise. My book study overseer was always trying to get me to go out in FS with him. He and his wife were nice enough people, but it really got on my nerves after a while.

    Between family (long distance) and local "friends," it just didn't seem possible to simply drift away. I hate making excuses and just downright lying to people. I stopped attending meetings and ignored invites to FS. A certain "brother" I knew was sincerely concerned about me, so I told him straight out that I just didn't want to be a JW anymore. To be honest, if more of the "friends" were like this "brother," I may have never left. There are indeed some fine people who are Jehovah's Witnesses. Still, I had made up my mind. When this "brother" stopped by with the PO one Saturday morning, I told the PO that I had made my decision. I said that it was not due to any problems with any of the "friends" in the congregation and that I would rather not discuss the reasons for my decision as if they could somehow change my mind. I no longer simply had doubts, I knew for a fact that it isn't, and never was, the Truth TM .

    I bluntly told my family via email and then over the phone about my decision. There was no easy way about it. I said that I wasn't going to argue about my decision. An argument (it's never simply a pleasant discussion when it comes to religion, is it?) would leave both sides with hurt feelings and possibly greater emotional road blocks. I tried to make it clear, however, that I was not rejecting them. I had done my research on the organization and the Bible. I gave them a list of reference material that they could read if they wanted to understand how I came to my conclusions. If they do read this material, then we may have a basis for an intelligent discussion. Otherwise, I'm just not interested in dealing with the inevitable case of antiprocess, the logical fallacies, and the rehashed intellectual dishonestly of the WTS publications.

    Dave

  • minimus
    minimus

    Good "thinking" thread..... My brain's gonna explode. .....I got to get back to one of my lame threads.

    Seriously, if EVERYTHING was perfect, I'd tell them all to --------off! But what I'd like to say and what I can say at this time are 2 different things.

  • BurnTheShips
    BurnTheShips

    When I had a baby and shorty afterwards moved to a different area I simply stopped going. Haven't been to a KH since the 2007 Memorial. I count this as a fade. I don't care what anyone thinks, but my wife didn't want the drama, her family is still in. They can blame me for her cessation if they want.

    BTS

  • daniel-p
    daniel-p

    I hope for those faders that you find the peace you wish, and that for all things sacred, that you can be as true to yourself as you can be.

    I view it as a process toward living an "honest" life. The way it is now is certainly not what I want for the next ten, twenty years of my life. But they're slow changes. People accept slow changes.

  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    AllTimeJeff..Actually there is a 3rd option..Walk away and never go back..If you get a visit,tell them not to bother you anymore..Period!..It worked for me..............................OUTLAW

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