It's not the same to make NEW FRIENDS, I want to keep my OLD FRIENDS - Am I right?

by BonaFide 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  BonaFide

  I appreciate all the advice on here about making friends outside the Organization.

  I am making new friends, both at work and at school.

  But it's not the same as OLD FRIENDS.

  My old friends I grew up with. I sometimes go to the movies with them, dumb movies. Like that Night at the Museum, Smithsonian one. Doesn't matter. It's still fun. Or we go to Tommy's Chili Burgers. Or just hang out and watch TV. And we joke about old times.My old friends say to me, "You know Bonafide, if you ever lost your mind, no one would be able to tell." Yea, funny. That's one of the reasons I am still Undercover in the Organization.

  But with NEW FRIENDS, you can't do that. You have no history, no shared experiences. AND they are not Witnesses, so they can't relate to a lot of the stuff I have been through, years of preaching and Kingdom Halls and Assemblies and being a Witness and all that stuff.

  Plus it seems to me that you kinda pick your longtime friends when you are younger, and that's it. Picking your circle of friends is over now.

  Yes you can always make new friends, but something seems to be missing. I can't seem to just "hang out and do nothing" with my new friends.

  I LIKE MY NEW FRIENDS, it's just not the same as OLD FRIENDS.

  So, what you say?

  BF
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  mrsjones5

  A new friend is better than no friends
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  steve2

  Old friends were once new friends. You gave your new friends lots of opportunities to become old friends. It takes time - you're also older.Be patient.
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  Dagney

  You are right, it is not the same as old friends. I miss them too. All those years of shared experiences, and how well we all know each other, that can't really be replaced in the same manner.

  But I've made a choice, and frankly, I personally cannot sacrifice my life for some good times with friends. There is still a hole there.

  As far as non JW friends, I think it is what you put into it. If you have shared interests like a hobby, it helps rather than just being friends with people at work or wherever.
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  BabaYaga

  I hear you, BonaFide. But I need for my friends to love me for ME, who I really am, and to love and appreciate me wanting to search for answers and learn and change constantly. I like to think that my friends and I make each other BETTER PEOPLE.

  Friends who do not want you to better yourself, and friends who would literally shun you if you learned something you could not ignore... are not friends.

  I know how much the thought of losing friends hurts. I also know that you will someday soon understand just how astoundingly superficial these relationships really were. You will see how marvelous it is to have friends with whom you can talk about literally anything and everything that crosses your mind... and they are happy to discuss anything freely with you.

  Friends make each other BETTER, they do not shun each other (especially for simply asking questions!) and they do NOT kick you when you are down.

  Love,
  Baba.
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  blondie

  Separating from the WTS gives you the opportunity to find out if your old friends really were/are friends.
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  BonaFide

  Yes, I can see it takes time. And some of the people I thought were my friends are wary around me now. Of course, I would have done the same to them a few years ago.

  At the same time, I am the sort of person that never wants to be a burden on others. I don't want people to "do a favor" by inviting Bonafide somewhere.

  My old friends call me, and I call them. We act smart sometimes, and dumb sometimes, and we don't care. They need me sometimes, and I need them sometimes.

  Seems like the new friends I have are already set with their dumb friends. It's not as comfortable with them.

  Hopefully, as you say, time will help that.

  BF
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  gubberningbody

  The abused wife often says to herself:

  "He's really quite pleasant when he's not drunk and beating me."
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  jamiebowers

  Your old friends aren't tru friends if they're gung ho jws. History and shared experience takes time. Once that passes, you'll have fond memories with real friends that you're making now.
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  aSphereisnotaCircle

  You have no history, no shared experiences. AND they are not Witnesses, so they can't relate to a lot of the stuff I have been through

  I know what you mean, when you leave the society, you leave virtually everything behind you.

  In a way, it's like being reborn, and you have to start over.

  It's worth it though.