I remember thinking growing up that I wasn't sure it was the true religion but because my family were so sure of themselves and so many people believed it that I loved and respected it had to of been the truth.
Then, I reasoned that because we were the only ones who fulfilled the preaching work that there was no other way any other religion could be the true religion except us. Plus, we used Jehovah's name and didn't take it out of the bible but the preaching work was really the main thing that kept me in...
I was always afraid to really study just the bible because I knew a ton of things might not be right. Otherwise, why would so many JWs be afraid to run into a Greek scholar out in field service. If they were so sure of themselves, why would this be a problem at all. Well, I knew why it was a problem with me... I knew I couldn't prove 1/2 of what I believed... Just so many things didn't make sense to me - but I felt this HAD to be the truth... There were just a lot of things I didn't understand.
When a brother that knew the original Greek and Hebrew language left the truth - I knew something was VERY, VERY wrong. He knew something I didn't. I just knew it.
So, my curiousity got the better of me. I would go to apostate sites sometimes. I didn't spend to much time on the sites because I would start to feel guilty. Never saw anything that would really cause to much of an affect on me anyways...
Then, I had sex with my now hubby before getting married. I DID NOT want to go before a JC. So, I decided to see if they had a forum for ex-JWs. I reasoned that they HAD to have an active elder on these forums. So, I would go tell that elder what I had done and see what he said to do. Hopefully, he would somehow relieve my conscious because I did afterall go to a real elder - just not in my cong.
So, I did that. I came here. I got a fake email account that didn't have my name on it. Just in case this site was run by active elders trying to find out who would go to apostate sites and then tell there local elders on them. Then, I signed up under another username. (I later used that username for the one time my hubby came here.)
I didn't really read anything because I just wanted to find an elder an be done with it. I did! So, I messaged him and he REALLY, REALLY comforted me. I wish I could remember who it was. If you are reading this and you know its you, let me know!
But, I couldn't let this go all the way. That's when I said to myself that it's time to figure out if this is really the truth or not. There was no way I was going to go to the elders if this wasn't really the truth...
So, I decided to pioneer. That way, I would get a bible study and be forced to study things from the very beginning. Well, the beginning of the book anyways. So, I did that. I worked fulltime, pioneered getting at least 80 hours of service a month and started reading the scriptures and researching a lot of the Greek meaning of things. I did my personal research for about 20 or 30 hours a week. This lasted for for 2 1/2 months before I figured out that I was in a cult. I saw how many things were wrong not only biblically but also in the congregation. For example, I didn't understand how there wasn't more preaching work in the evenings. Afterall, if you believe the big A is coming then shouldn't you be preaching WHEN the people are at home? When I brought this to the elders attention, they didn't really do anything about it.
Anyways, when I figured out it was all wrong I had no idea that people didn't want to know. I starting telling my hubby and when he reacting bad to it I thought it was just him. So, I came back here and signed up under the username I have now because I had just vent before I told my dad because I was partially mad at him for raising me in this religion.
So, I guess I always somewhat knew... How did you figure it out?