Sisters with unbelieving or DF'd mates

by lalaa 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • lalaa

    My mother had left the truth for 4 years in the early 90's. When she came back she was already remarried. He started to study and got baptized. During the next 2 years he became friends with a scumbag elder who ripped him off and told him about other people's business. This of course made him question the JW's. He eventually started to fade and started to smoke. So my mom told the elder's and they gave him a few chances to stop. He didn't so they DF'd him.

    After he got Df'd my mom, 4 yr old little sister, and I became social outcasts in the hall. The invites to gatherings stopped and invites to dinner/lunch after the meetings. A few years later my mom moved into a new KH. By that time I stopped going to the meetings. My mom ran into an sister that she knew back in the early 80's. That sister told her a few weeks later that an elder told her to watch out for my mom. "sister johnson has a DF'd husband, I would watch my association with her if I were you" is what he said.

    Were these sisters ever treated differently at your congregation???

  • Megachusen

    I never understood the JW preoccupation with calling Wives or Husbands "Mates". It makes me think of breeding cattle.


    I was one of those sisters. I don't think I was treated differently but that could be because I was a Bible study of a prominent elder and his wife. I do believe that I was treated differently when I had a handicapped child though. Very few invitations after Sam was born.

  • carla

    I wish they would treat my jw like that so it would make him think. Instead I think he gets a 'poor Mr. Carla, how does he put up with a ubm mate?' Maybe it adds to his 'spirituality' rating in the cong, heck if I know.

  • I quit!
    I quit!

    That is the postition my wife is in and I'm sure it is hard on her at times as it is on me. I sure there are things she would like to do with her jw friends that she can't because of how they view me. I really don't care what they think of me but I do feel bad for her. On the other side I don't go to a lot of the things that my church does because I want to spend time with her and she won't go them. Even something as harmless as feeding the homeless at a church is consider something to avoid if you are a jw.

  • Waffles

    I am a disfellowshipped husband, but my experience hasn't been one of having my wife treated differently. Why do you ask? Because my wife moved out on me shortly after being disfellowshipped, saying that we can be back together only if I get reinstated. Unsupportive bitch.

  • aSphereisnotaCircle

    It seemed to me that sisters with unbelieving mates were at the bottom of the heap socially.

    I knew a few that were very frank about feeling like outcasts.

  • Sunspot

    In July 1972 I was baptized. My husband walked out during the Oct assembly because he felt I had wrapped my entiire life around the WTS pursuits and JW friends...which I indeed had done. He came back two weeks later and agreed to "study".

    Things were looking up for us all...."the friends" were at our coming and going from our home all the time, and inviting us to all the get-togethers, etc. Everything was coming together nicely. Our five kids had many new friends and invites to overnights, roller-skating parties and so forth.

    Comes the day to hubby to be baptized at the convention in Pittsburgh PA....he got as far as the door and balked. He just could not go through with it and be able to live with himself. He did not like the WTS lifestyle, all the meetings and being expected to deliver WTS literature for the rest of his life.

    I was devastated, hurt and disappointed. When we got back home to New England, "the friends" were told about hubby's decision and the BIG hurt began.These "friends" stopped visiting ME and the friend's children all dropped my kids as if they had the plague. Support and caring are not words that float through the WTS-trained heart on a regular basis. The one good JW friend that did stick by me.....moved with her family to Tenn.....and then WE moved here to upstate NY.

    I will never understand the WTS mindset and how these lemmings all decided that me and the kids were somehow remiss because their Dad did not go through with his baptism. I should have known that this organization was a cult when that happened but I chose to go along with the "do not take it out on Jehovah because a few jerks acted badly" idea.....but then I ignored three more decades of stupidity while still believing this was "the truth".

    Finally the scales fell off my eyes and I walked away in 1999.....but the total surprise of a whole congregation, after 16 months of lovebombing before I was baptized....and then treating us ALL as if we had done something despicable.....this never fully went away in my heart. All this talk about how "loving" this organization just



  • insearchoftruth

    I wish my wife, who is studying with a jw right now, would realize that if she keeps moving along, once baptized about the only thing she will be allowed to do is sell literature, she will be amongst the lowest of the low, about the only way she could be lower is if I were to be labeled apostate!

  • mimimimi

    I had an UBM and was definitely treated differently. Not important to anyone and considered spiritually weak because I was unable to do all that was expected or as much of it. My kids quit going to meetings quite young with Daddy's encouragement, but I can sure understand why because they were treated badly. Why did it take me so long to open my eyes?

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